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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask neighbour to close curtains

695 replies

Handrearedmagpie · 31/07/2025 22:57

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

OP posts:
Isitreallysohard · 02/08/2025 01:09

DrPrunesqualer · 02/08/2025 01:08

It’s OPs child that is looking at the neighbours TV and the adverts are triggering him

Although I do agree it’s really up to OP to sort it out

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Yes I understand that, but that's why OP can sort it and close her curtains instead

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 01:09

LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 01:04

You and I must lead very different lives because to me it is quite the opposite of a “big ask”

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This doesn't make you somehow better though - it's perfectly normal to have boundaries and to want you or your own family member to decide when your curtains are open or closed. Nobody here would try to dictate when a neighbour closes their curtains, yet we all get on well, help each other out, are kind, make allowances for kids, older folk, differently abled folk etc.

DrPrunesqualer · 02/08/2025 01:08

Isitreallysohard · 02/08/2025 01:06

Well no, because if the neighbour was making noise or something then that would be different but if she doesn't want to look at the TV she should just close her curtains. As I said she can ask, but this is one of the very rare cases I think the OP is being a bit unrelated to an "annoying" neighbour

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It’s OPs child that is looking at the neighbours TV and the adverts are triggering him

Although I do agree it’s really up to OP to sort it out

Isitreallysohard · 02/08/2025 01:06

TheTwitcher11 · 02/08/2025 01:04

‘That’s a you problem’ - do you not understand how patronising that is?

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Well no, because if the neighbour was making noise or something then that would be different but if she doesn't want to look at the TV she should just close her curtains. As I said she can ask, but this is one of the very rare cases I think the OP is being a bit unrelated to an "annoying" neighbour

LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 01:04

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:59

Again, asking your neighbour to close their curtains at a set time every night, just because it might make your life simpler, IS a big ask.
It's also not 'mad' to have your own curtains open when watching your own TV in your own house.

Edited
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You and I must lead very different lives because to me it is quite the opposite of a “big ask”

TheTwitcher11 · 02/08/2025 01:04

Isitreallysohard · 02/08/2025 01:03

Oh ok! Sorry I don't know how I missed that. Um, surely that's a you problem then? You can ask, but it's something you can resolve on your own

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‘That’s a you problem’ - do you not understand how patronising that is?

DrPrunesqualer · 02/08/2025 01:03

@LadyCankleOfGrantham

In warmer weather we leave the curtains open at night to cool the house down
Perhaps like us they prefer a cooler interior

Isitreallysohard · 02/08/2025 01:03

Handrearedmagpie · 02/08/2025 00:59

Cos he just opens them and the blinds.......despite wanting them shut whenever it's sunny!!

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Oh ok! Sorry I don't know how I missed that. Um, surely that's a you problem then? You can ask, but it's something you can resolve on your own

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 01:00

Handrearedmagpie · 02/08/2025 00:57

I think it is very apparent what you know about Autism

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I'm not sure what you mean by that tbh.
It is apparent that you're making assumptions though.

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:59

LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 00:56

Sure you do.

Closing curtains isn’t a big ask. I’d do it if I was asked (but I’m not mad enough to have open curtains when watching TV)

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Again, asking your neighbour to close their curtains at a set time every night, just because it might make your life simpler, IS a big ask.
It's also not 'mad' to have your own curtains open when watching your own TV in your own house.

Original poster
Handrearedmagpie · 02/08/2025 00:59

Isitreallysohard · 02/08/2025 00:57

I baffled. Can someone tell me why OP can't close her curtains instead??

Cos he just opens them and the blinds.......despite wanting them shut whenever it's sunny!!

OP posts:
LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 00:58

Isitreallysohard · 02/08/2025 00:57

I baffled. Can someone tell me why OP can't close her curtains instead??

It’s literally in her OP. You must be baffled very easily!

Original poster
Handrearedmagpie · 02/08/2025 00:57

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:55

Trust me, I know more than you seem to realise about autism, and still realise that this is too big an ask of a neighbour.

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I think it is very apparent what you know about Autism

OP posts:
Isitreallysohard · 02/08/2025 00:57

I baffled. Can someone tell me why OP can't close her curtains instead??

Original poster
Handrearedmagpie · 02/08/2025 00:56

No disability/vulnerability on part of neighbour. We chat approx weekly, I help her out with a particular issue regularly as good neighbours do.

OP posts:
LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 00:56

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:55

Trust me, I know more than you seem to realise about autism, and still realise that this is too big an ask of a neighbour.

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Sure you do.

Closing curtains isn’t a big ask. I’d do it if I was asked (but I’m not mad enough to have open curtains when watching TV)

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:56

LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 00:53

Is that what you think I’m referring to?

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I know what you're doing.

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:55

LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 00:52

Do you have an autistic child who is prone to daily meltdowns? Because otherwise this is a different situation to the OP. She doesn’t want the curtains closed for “her”

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Trust me, I know more than you seem to realise about autism, and still realise that this is too big an ask of a neighbour.

LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 00:53

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:52

There are a few unpleasant/rude comments, but it's really not ableist to suggest that OPs child's issues aren't the responsibility of her neighbour. We can all sympathise and appreciate how difficult it might be, without feeling that we need to be her solution. We also don't know the ability/disability situation or needs of the neighbour.

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Is that what you think I’m referring to?

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:53

Handrearedmagpie · 02/08/2025 00:52

You are still not explaining how my solution imposes on someone.

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Your original suggestion, which was the point of the thread, not your current 'solution'.

LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 00:52

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:47

Sure, my neighbours think it's really shitty that I don't ask them to close their curtains to suit me.

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Do you have an autistic child who is prone to daily meltdowns? Because otherwise this is a different situation to the OP. She doesn’t want the curtains closed for “her”

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:52

LadyCankleOfGrantham · 02/08/2025 00:44

My god this thread is a cesspit of ableist twats

There are a few unpleasant/rude comments, but it's really not ableist to suggest that OPs child's issues aren't the responsibility of her neighbour. We can all sympathise and appreciate how difficult it might be, without feeling that we need to be her solution. We also don't know the ability/disability situation or needs of the neighbour.

Original poster
Handrearedmagpie · 02/08/2025 00:52

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:49

You still don't get that it would have been an imposition to even ask?

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You are still not explaining how my solution imposes on someone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Handrearedmagpie · 02/08/2025 00:50

Morgenrot25 · 02/08/2025 00:47

Sure, my neighbours think it's really shitty that I don't ask them to close their curtains to suit me.

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You've even missed the part that it wasn't "to suit me" but to potentially help a distressed, disabled child.
Even with all my sons challenges, I absolutely know who is choose to live next to between him or you!

OP posts:
Corfumanchu · 02/08/2025 00:50

I really wouldn't do this. If it really is for only a few days you could put some film on the outside of your own windows. People have their own struggles and challenges to cope with. I would save up asking for favours for something more important which might crop up in the future. Also I am not sure how they would react to your telling them that your ds is staring in their windows watching their TV every night!