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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not switch DSS’ bedroom?

105 replies

Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:05

I have SDs, 13 and 12, and SS 9. We also have DD3.

We have recently moved to a four bedroom house. Master bedroom with en suite, big attic conversion with curtain down the middle (SDs), medium-sized room (DD) and a box room (SS).

SC are with us every other weekend and half the holidays. On the vast majority of the holidays we actually go on holiday or to stay with family, so they’re only really at this house on weekends.

SS wants the bigger bedroom because he’s older than DD. DH wants to draw straws or discuss it as a family. AIBU to just say no?

OP posts:
Original poster
Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:52

Hercisback1 · 31/07/2025 21:48

Won't your DH be bothered? That's the point. Then DH won't be up for DSS swapping.

I can’t be bothered with the drama of trying it, moving everything, paying to redecorate two rooms, SS being thrilled then distraught when it has to be moved back. It’s stupid.

DH wants me to be bad cop, clearly, and I’m happy to be if it avoids all the drama.

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 31/07/2025 21:48

Won't your DH be bothered? That's the point. Then DH won't be up for DSS swapping.

Original poster
Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:43

MistyMountainTop · 31/07/2025 21:38

As an experiment, to show him how it'll go, why don't you put all her toys in the living room and her clothes in your bedroom so he can see how it'll be?

He wouldn’t care less if all the toys were in the living room and her clothes were in our bedroom! However it would make my, DH and DD’s lives much harder, all of the time.

OP posts:
hideawayforever · 31/07/2025 21:39

Definitely your DD should have one of the bigger rooms, she lives there ALL the time and only has the one bedroom, unlike your step children who also have a second bedroom at their mums.

MistyMountainTop · 31/07/2025 21:38

As an experiment, to show him how it'll go, why don't you put all her toys in the living room and her clothes in your bedroom so he can see how it'll be?

Zanatdy · 31/07/2025 21:35

Bigger room should always go to child who spends the most time there. So DD gets bigger room. Agree it’s an adult decision.

Teenytwo · 31/07/2025 21:34

Considering all of the children belong to DH and only one is yours I think it’s generous you are paying half on a 4 bed. Maybe call SS bluff and ask if he wants to swap with one of his older sisters and give them the opportunity of their own room.

cadburyegg · 31/07/2025 21:32

YANBU I think the arrangement is fair.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 31/07/2025 21:31

The thing is, when she's the age he is now, he'll only be 15, so presumably he will still be visiting every other weekend. He will always be older than her, so at what point would she get a look in? Will 9 year old DD have spent her entire childhood in the box room and be gearing up to spend her teens in the box room as well just because 9 year old DSS who was only there every other weekend thought he deserved the bigger room?

He's lucky to have his own bedroom at all in a house he spends so little time in. His older sisters don't. Giving him the bigger bedroom might also give all the siblings the impression that he's getting special treatment because he's a boy.

It doesn't make any sense to let two bigger bedrooms sit empty most of the time and squeeze the child who lives there full time into the smallest room.

Diarygirlqueen · 31/07/2025 21:29

Then why have you asked the question if you are not going to change your mind? They are all his children, of course he wants to discuss it.

WildCountry · 31/07/2025 21:21

It seems fair to me. He can have a high cabin bed and use the space underneath too. He’s hardly there anyway.

Original poster
Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:21

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 31/07/2025 21:18

I think yabu to refuse any discussion when your DH disagrees. Why is it your decision and not a joint one? Is it your house or did you buy it together?

I’m happy to discuss it with DH, of course, but I am not interested in discussing it as a family because it should be an adult decision. SS will cry and it’s not going to change my mind.

We bought together, equal deposits and pay half each.

OP posts:
BoarBrush · 31/07/2025 21:19

Course he wants the bigger room, but just no.

3yos have a shit load of clothes, books and toys, 13yos just don't. Especially one that's there less than half the time.

Our 16yo has been in the boxroom since the the dts needed bigger beds, she has a cabin bed, under bed desk, separate work desk, bookshelf, wardrobe and chest of drawers. It's about making the most of the space you do have.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 31/07/2025 21:18

I think yabu to refuse any discussion when your DH disagrees. Why is it your decision and not a joint one? Is it your house or did you buy it together?

Original poster
Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:14

ShiverMeLogs · 31/07/2025 21:11

It's still their home.

Show quote history

Yes, which is why they all have bedrooms suited to their needs.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 31/07/2025 21:11

ShiverMeLogs · 31/07/2025 21:11

It's still their home.

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But it's not their only home.

Original poster
Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:11

Also, SS has a cabin bed with storage and space beneath. DD is too young to have that.

OP posts:
ShiverMeLogs · 31/07/2025 21:11

Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:10

If they were all my biological children, or we had them all full-time, maybe SS would get the room. But he probably sleeps in it 50 nights a year whereas DD is here many multiples of that.

Show quote history

It's still their home.

steelingmyself · 31/07/2025 21:11

Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:08

She’s 3, it’s in the OP.

Doh, I’m a dafty - apologies!

BuffaloCauliflower · 31/07/2025 21:11

yes I think in this situation the fact she uses the room significantly more makes a difference. Age isn’t the only factor for deciding rooms

Original poster
Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:10

And at 3 she has bigger toys. SS likes Lego (he has a Lego table), TV and gaming (we have no screens in bedrooms rules).

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 31/07/2025 21:10

ShiverMeLogs · 31/07/2025 21:08

If they were all your biological children, would you be dividing the rooms up in the same way? I highly doubt it. Even if they also stayed at a dad's house some of the time.

Of course DD should get the box room. How much space does she need at 3?

Loads. She’s 3 and all her toys will be on the floor. Shes the only child there full time, she shouldn’t have the box room.

Original poster
Vastimir · 31/07/2025 21:10

ShiverMeLogs · 31/07/2025 21:08

If they were all your biological children, would you be dividing the rooms up in the same way? I highly doubt it. Even if they also stayed at a dad's house some of the time.

Of course DD should get the box room. How much space does she need at 3?

If they were all my biological children, or we had them all full-time, maybe SS would get the room. But he probably sleeps in it 50 nights a year whereas DD is here many multiples of that.

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 31/07/2025 21:10

I wouldn’t change anything.

Teenagerantruns · 31/07/2025 21:10

steelingmyself · 31/07/2025 21:07

How old is DD?

Says in OP shes 3