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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband leaves 3yo son in bath for a few seconds

237 replies

OneWarmHazelQuail · 31/07/2025 20:43

My husband will leave my 3yo son alone in the bath for under a minute to grab a flannel/towel, or run down stairs to grab a glass of water. It really bothers me and I have told him repeatedly that I think its unsafe and should never be done. AIBU?

OP posts:
JustBalonz · 31/07/2025 22:56

Cogsworthy · 31/07/2025 21:37

Yes, because we’re not buying into the bizarre notion that everything that could ever possibly cause harm must be avoided.

My DN was four when he choked on a piece of cucumber and ended up in hospital. I don’t avoid cucumber, nor would any other sane parent.

I’ve known children die in car accidents when the driver was driving safely and they were strapped into car seats. We don’t avoid driving.

DH broke his wrist on a trampoline when he was a child. We still have one.

I’m allergic to penicillin. I don’t say my children can’t have it in case they have an allergic reaction and need hospital (or worse).

People own dogs, walk alongside (and, gasp, even cross) roads, eat all kinds of food (including junk food and sugar), we let them play with toys… all these things that can and do, very rarely, cause harm or death or injury. Yet all are completely normal and reasonable.

It’s not reasonable and proportionate to act like there being a very small risk of harm means it’s unsafe and shouldn’t be done.

Some of these posts are absurd. You can’t leave them to go downstairs in case you fall on the stairs and knock yourself unconscious but what if you slip on the wet bathroom floor and knock yourself unconscious? Is that better?

nobody is saying avoid cucumber, but if you were in another room “just for a minute” when your DS choked on that cucumber then you wouldn’t have a DS.

Spookyspaghetti · 31/07/2025 22:54

BlueRin5eBrigade · 31/07/2025 20:55

Your H is a prat. My friend left his kid, of a similar age. to get a towel. The child drowned. He came back and found her face down in the water. He called 999 and they helped him do CPR until the ambulance came. Thankfully, the resuscitated her. They don't know what, if any, deficit she will have. They nearly lost her. For what? Piss poor organisation. Tell him to get his shit together.

That’s awful 😞

Maria1982 · 31/07/2025 22:53

I have a 3 year old. I would go to the room next door to get towel/pyjamas, with doors open so I can hear him. I would not go downstairs , that’s too long away from a child in the bath. Doesn’t matter who the glass of water is for / what the reason is.

also: I still bathe mine in a small tub inside the bath. If it was in a full bath… depends on the child /level of excitement (I’m assuming you have a non slip mat in the bath?).

Laughandleaveit · 31/07/2025 22:52

Superstorefan123 · 31/07/2025 21:34

Genuine question - what is wrong with leaving for a few seconds (not trying to be inflammatory genuinely asking for myself!). Even if child slips under if it’s genuinely under 5 seconds eg grabbing a towel from hook, turning around to grab toy etc is there a drowning risk within 5 seconds?

Noted on risks re turning on the hot tap and getting scolded/potentially banging head.

Because they could also bang their heads and knock themselves out.

IOweMySanityToBasilParsley · 31/07/2025 22:51

Just read your update "you need a drink DC? Out of the bath you get". Not sure why there would be any other option

IOweMySanityToBasilParsley · 31/07/2025 22:47

BlueRin5eBrigade · 31/07/2025 20:55

Your H is a prat. My friend left his kid, of a similar age. to get a towel. The child drowned. He came back and found her face down in the water. He called 999 and they helped him do CPR until the ambulance came. Thankfully, the resuscitated her. They don't know what, if any, deficit she will have. They nearly lost her. For what? Piss poor organisation. Tell him to get his shit together.

This. Why can't he wait 5 minutes for a glass of water? Or drink from the bathroom tap if he's at deaths door 🙄

DearHorse · 31/07/2025 22:45

It is best to supervise. I stepped out of the bathroom for only a few moments when my DC was 3, and when I came back, I watched her suddenly trip, fall into the water & manage to get herself back up. This only took a few seconds. She looked really startled

LancashireButterPie · 31/07/2025 22:45

He needs to make sure he has everything to hand before the child gets in the water, it's really not hard.
Too many what ifs otherwise. What if dad gets distracted or falls down the stairs. Unlikely but potentially catastrophic.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 31/07/2025 22:45

Why can’t he just ORGANISE himself beforehand? Towel, soap, toys, PJs?

feathermucker · 31/07/2025 22:45

In an absolute unforeseen emergency, yes maybe. But for things that aren’t necessary like a glass of water or things he should have in there, no.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 31/07/2025 22:44

Mulledjuice · 31/07/2025 20:50

Ive been wondering this myself. Could DC right themselves if they slipped over and went under? Is it genuinely only a few seconds?

Not if they banged their head!

Lionness5 · 31/07/2025 22:43

OneWarmHazelQuail · 31/07/2025 22:30

Confessed to my husband about this post. He is grumbling that I have referred to a glass of water as he feels this sounds selfish - it would be a drink for my 3yo or something like that.

He says that the poll results would be invalid if I didn't correct this point...

God, how can you stand to be with something so thick. No one cares why he's leaving his child alone in a the bath. Just that he is. No reason is acceptable. Not even a drink for his child.

legoplaybook · 31/07/2025 22:42

NewbieYou · 31/07/2025 22:42

It’s fine. What do you think single parents do.

What difference does being a single parent make?

legoplaybook · 31/07/2025 22:42

I wouldn't go downstairs but at 3 I would probably pop out for a few seconds to grab a towel.

NewbieYou · 31/07/2025 22:42

It’s fine. What do you think single parents do.

Coconutter24 · 31/07/2025 22:41

Are you out the house when it’s bath time?

Coconutter24 · 31/07/2025 22:40

Zebedee999 · 31/07/2025 21:30

Spot on. Yet 40% of mothers have voted it is alright to leave a 3 yo in the bath. Unbelievable.

How do you know that 40% is mothers?

strangerontheinternet · 31/07/2025 22:40

I do this with my 3 year old, I will go grab a towel or get the 1yo out and dressed first which I’d do right outside the bathroom door. I can hear 3yo whole time. If he fell or put his face in he can get back up and if there was a bang or splash I would be right there and I speak to him the whole time. 1yo not even for a second to grab a towel and wouldn’t go downstairs while either was in.

WimbyAce · 31/07/2025 22:39

I just think kids and water you have to be so careful. It literally takes seconds for something to go wrong. Not worth the risk.

muggart · 31/07/2025 22:34

Vintagefair · 31/07/2025 21:03

I have a friend who was left in the bath when she was nearly three. Her mum went to answer the phone (at a time when there were only landlines) and my friend turned on the hot tap.

She was able to stand up, but not get out of the water and as a result her feet were very badly scarred.

Drowning isn't the only risk.

I’m embarrassed to say I hadn’t thought of this.

I sometimes duck out to get a towel and i have drilled it into my 3 year old’s head that she isn’t allowed to try to get out of the bath by herself in case she slips, but the hot tap is probably a more realistic risk for her.

Givemethesun · 31/07/2025 22:34

Sorry I’m a strong with you that this is unacceptable. I’d rather my dc be cold getting out the bath for two ticks while we dash next door to get a towel together post the bath rather than leave them unattended. Likewise get a glass of water after the bath 🙈 it’s just not worth the risk. What if he tripped down the stairs getting his glass of water or got distracted and one minute turns into 20

freshpyjamas · 31/07/2025 22:33

Teenytwo · 31/07/2025 21:15

The issue isn’t always the kid being unattended it’s what can happen to you. What if in his rush to get a drink he tripped on the stairs and couldn’t get back up to your child.

I have never thought about this. That might make me sound stupid. You are absolutely right - what if you break your leg and can’t get back to them. Scary stuff.

OneWarmHazelQuail · 31/07/2025 22:30

Confessed to my husband about this post. He is grumbling that I have referred to a glass of water as he feels this sounds selfish - it would be a drink for my 3yo or something like that.

He says that the poll results would be invalid if I didn't correct this point...

OP posts:
BabyDoge · 31/07/2025 22:30

At 3 I'd be comfortable nipping into another room on the same floor, but I wouldn't go downstairs. Our house isn't big so from the bedrooms I can still hear them chatting and playing.

Lionness5 · 31/07/2025 22:30

So shocked at the vote result. No way can he get downstairs get water and be back in under a minute. Not a chase in hell I'd leave a three year old. Stupid.