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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband leaves 3yo son in bath for a few seconds

237 replies

OneWarmHazelQuail · 31/07/2025 20:43

My husband will leave my 3yo son alone in the bath for under a minute to grab a flannel/towel, or run down stairs to grab a glass of water. It really bothers me and I have told him repeatedly that I think its unsafe and should never be done. AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsSunshine2b · 02/08/2025 00:28

Bronze0 · 01/08/2025 23:04

Oh sweetheart, there might not even be a bang.

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A kid knocks themselves out without a bang? Ok.

Bronze0 · 01/08/2025 23:04

MrsSunshine2b · 01/08/2025 21:23

Even if I was at opposite end of the house I would hear a bang like that. Maybe you all live in castles, idk. There's nowhere in my house I couldn't be in the bathroom within 20 seconds. Unless of course I was no making a glass of water but was in fact watching TV in the living room or cleaning the kitchen with music on, which I'm willing to bet is actually what was going on in the extremely rare cases of children drowning in bath tubs.

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Oh sweetheart, there might not even be a bang.

MrsSunshine2b · 01/08/2025 21:23

JustBalonz · 01/08/2025 18:28

Wow. That’s impressively obtuse. If your daughter slipped and hit her head then she wouldn’t be simply sitting back up again at all. The thing every single parent of a drowned child has in common is thinking their child would be fine and would just get back up again.

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Even if I was at opposite end of the house I would hear a bang like that. Maybe you all live in castles, idk. There's nowhere in my house I couldn't be in the bathroom within 20 seconds. Unless of course I was no making a glass of water but was in fact watching TV in the living room or cleaning the kitchen with music on, which I'm willing to bet is actually what was going on in the extremely rare cases of children drowning in bath tubs.

Original poster
OneWarmHazelQuail · 01/08/2025 20:18

Success!!! Husband did not leave bathroonm tonight!

OP posts:
Thatsnotmynamee · 01/08/2025 20:01

The poll is nearly 50/50.

Rayqueen · 01/08/2025 19:44

Erm our 3 yr twins happily play alone for a while while I potter about upstairs putting washing away etc and they will say mummy we want out now when there done, don't think they even notice me peeking now and then checking there alright but there both very verbal so barely a seconds silence when they play. 4 year old also plays alone till he asks to be out and has done for a while. Aslong as in around upstairs I don't mind

Cogsworthy · 01/08/2025 19:39

Givemethesun · 01/08/2025 19:37

But I know I’m intelligent 😂

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As you as you think so then that's all that matters, I suppose.

Givemethesun · 01/08/2025 19:37

Cogsworthy · 01/08/2025 19:34

Have you tried engaging yours?

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But I know I’m intelligent 😂

Cogsworthy · 01/08/2025 19:34

Givemethesun · 01/08/2025 19:31

For everyone trying to defend to say it’s low risk…. Why even take the risk there’s just no point 😂 it’s really Not that hard to get a Towel / drink / whatever it is first. It’s not like we’re saying something that is really really really difficult to do prior to getting in the bath. Or maybe engaging brain is hard for some people, not sure

Have you tried engaging yours?

Givemethesun · 01/08/2025 19:31

For everyone trying to defend to say it’s low risk…. Why even take the risk there’s just no point 😂 it’s really Not that hard to get a Towel / drink / whatever it is first. It’s not like we’re saying something that is really really really difficult to do prior to getting in the bath. Or maybe engaging brain is hard for some people, not sure

JustBalonz · 01/08/2025 18:28

MrsSunshine2b · 01/08/2025 11:48

That's assuming that the moment you walk out of the room they lie face down in the water and don't get back up. If, for some bizarre reason, my daughter got face down in the bath at the age of 3, she'd simply sit back up again. They start learning to lift their heads and shoulders up or roll over at 6 months in tummy time, they should be quite proficient at it by 3.

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Wow. That’s impressively obtuse. If your daughter slipped and hit her head then she wouldn’t be simply sitting back up again at all. The thing every single parent of a drowned child has in common is thinking their child would be fine and would just get back up again.

Lionness5 · 01/08/2025 18:11

Don't speak for me @Cogsworthy I would say the same if it was the mum leaving the kids in the bath. A bath could kill them. It's an unnecessary risk.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 01/08/2025 18:10

OneWarmHazelQuail · 01/08/2025 17:48

It's a regular thing rather than one-off. As he regards it as low risk to leave the room, he won't get the flannel etc prior to bath

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Why, though? Even if the risk is negligible, why do it if it isn’t necessary? That’s what I don’t understand about people like your husband.

The leaving to get a drink thing (I don’t care who it was for) would have made me incredibly angry.

Original poster
OneWarmHazelQuail · 01/08/2025 17:48

Lavender14 · 01/08/2025 12:02

I think it depends if this is a one off or a regular thing. I've been caught out without a towel before and had to run to the hot press to get one ( close to the bathroom in my house)- genuine oversight 99% of the time I lay everything out that I'll need for bath and bed while the bath is running and ds helps.

If he's doing this everytime and it's just him being lazy and not prioritising then yes, that is an issue. A one off I can understand (not so much the glass of water) but if its every time then he's being very unreasonable.

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It's a regular thing rather than one-off. As he regards it as low risk to leave the room, he won't get the flannel etc prior to bath

OP posts:
Cogsworthy · 01/08/2025 17:47

OneWarmHazelQuail · 01/08/2025 17:42

My husband has accused me of "having sent the Mumsnet mob after him". He also says that the only people that would comment are those with extreme views.

Am having a massive struggle, as usual, to try and get my point across.

Very frustrated.

Your DH is right.

If you posted the exact opposite (that you left a three year old in the bath to grab a cup of water and your DH has a problem with it) then you’d have had exactly the same mob of posters telling you that your DH is awful and controlling and telling you how to parent.

Someone posted the statistics earlier (failing to recognise that they don’t support their argument) that 12 children under 5 drowned in the UK last year, that 25% of those drowned in a bath and 3-4 children under 1 drowned in a bath. That would mean no 3 year olds at all drowned in a bath.

The risk is so vanishingly small. There’s a great risk your DC would injure themselves in the time you’re both arguing about this that in the bath while popping to grab a towel.

People on here just love to wind up division and drama in other people’s marriages - and the DH will always, always be wrong.

Original poster
OneWarmHazelQuail · 01/08/2025 17:42

My husband has accused me of "having sent the Mumsnet mob after him". He also says that the only people that would comment are those with extreme views.

Am having a massive struggle, as usual, to try and get my point across.

Very frustrated.

OP posts:
Gloriia · 01/08/2025 17:16

changedusername190 · 01/08/2025 17:12

Surely you get everything you need before you run the bath and the drink of water can wait

Well yes but even better there is a tap in the bathroom so you'd think the halfwit dad would've used that.

Lionness5 · 01/08/2025 17:13

I never parented by committee but also decided better my child wrapped in cotton wool than a wooden box.

Having said that, they had lots of experiences but they were always minimal risk.

on wheels = helmet every time.

in the bath = I didn't leave the room.

swimming = arm bands and I stayed with them.

Park play = lucky to have equipment at home on grass but the parks had rubber flooring.

changedusername190 · 01/08/2025 17:12

Surely you get everything you need before you run the bath and the drink of water can wait

Petitchat · 01/08/2025 15:51

MrsSunshine2b · 01/08/2025 15:17

John Travolta's son had untreated epilepsy and had a fit, because as a scientologist he refused to get him appropriate medical help. Had they been a working class family they'd have been done for medical neglect.

If your child bangs their head hard enough to render them unconscious, as I said before, you should be able to hear that from anywhere in the house, unless you live in a mansion.

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You may well have an an answer to everything, but I don't think you are the slightest bit interested in the advice and concerns raised in this thread.

So you do you and hopefully your three year old will be fine.

Willow12345 · 01/08/2025 15:34

Absolutely no way would I leave a 3 year old alone in the bath, even for a short time.

Pinecone18 · 01/08/2025 15:33

Not downstairs but I often grab something from the room next door very quickly.

CountryQueen · 01/08/2025 15:27

This thread shows how so many children drown. Sad and irresponsible

MrsSunshine2b · 01/08/2025 15:17

Petitchat · 01/08/2025 14:54

This seems a bit naive.
What if she banged her head then went face down?
Turns the hot tap on and scalds herself?
Tries to get out of the bath herself and slips?

But actually not only toddlers in bathrooms.

I remember some horrible news that John Travolta's teenage son had slipped on the bathroom floor, banged his head and died.

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John Travolta's son had untreated epilepsy and had a fit, because as a scientologist he refused to get him appropriate medical help. Had they been a working class family they'd have been done for medical neglect.

If your child bangs their head hard enough to render them unconscious, as I said before, you should be able to hear that from anywhere in the house, unless you live in a mansion.

Petitchat · 01/08/2025 15:10

BusWankers · 01/08/2025 07:27

We stay in the bathroom even though DD is 5.5 and can swim 10m and dive down and retrieve weights from the bottom of the 2m pool.

That's really good but I think you're missing the point?

We're talking about slipping and drowning in a few inches of water.
Or scalding from the hot tap.

Being able to swim or dive in a pool makes no difference at all.