Backlash after DP proposed on pre-Wedding holiday

Er, because one poster on this thread described the OP's fiance as lazy for his unimaginative proposal, as if the manner of the asking is more important than the intent.

And he didn't propose at any kind of pre wedding celebration. He proposed on a holiday that they were having before the other wedding guests arrived in situ.

Big deal. That doesn't mean the OP's 'fiance' was right to have proposed at someone else's pre wedding celebration!
He didn't. He proposed on a holiday they were on that was before a wedding they were attending. That's not a "pre wedding celebration".

You should have kept it to yourselves till the wedding was done yes.

You know this.

Why are some people saying the OP's other half did nothing wrong, because 'a marriage proposal doesn't have to be particularly timed...' Whilst bleating about how their DH proposed while she was having a shit, or just after she'd give him a blow job, or when she was pegging out the washing, or just after she'd cracked off a stinky fart next to him. And to add to the mundaneness, he never got her an engagement ring, he gave her a potato hula hoop for a wedding ring, and they got married in a photo booth in Morrisons.

Big deal. That doesn't mean the OP's 'fiance' was right to have proposed at someone else's pre wedding celebration!

!

I wasn’t being serious.

Not even remotely the same.

You are being ridiculous

Yup, this is like ours. He literally didn't know he was going to say it until the words came out of his mouth. And I personally find that lovely, just the same way some people find a thought-out, planned proposal lovely. horses for courses and all that.

People can get ridiculous about this kind of thing... it's hardly like everyone's going to walk away from the wedding talking about how a couple there got engaged the week before at the place.

@sciaticafanatica - you wouldn't be impressed by my husband's proposal, it was totally impromptu on a wet tuesday in January after we'd been to an exhibition and he didn't have a ring. Not everyone needs a big song and dance.

I think it was poor form.

I agree too. Nobody goes to a wedding to focus 100% on the bride and groom. Especially if they’re going for a week. People talk about themselves and their lives at weddings. And they quite often also talk about how boring the speeches were, or how pissed the bridesmaid got, or how pretentious the couple have been! Most normal people would just say “aww lovely, congratulations” and then carry on. People nowadays have blown weddings into vulgar, attention seeking spectacles.

You did nothing wrong.
Congratulations on your engagement.

I agree.

Noooo! Tell me more....

So as everyone else was arriving for the wedding you were both there 'surprise we're engaged" but you think it's ok because it wasn't at the actual ceremony itself.
Really bad form in my opinion ( and clearly your friends as well) could you not have kept it to yourselves for a few days .

I have been at one where another engagement was announced, but not really by the couple themselves. It was a wedding abroad and the couple had got engaged a few days before the wedding and told a couple of friends in the wedding party. One of the friends let it slip on the evening of the wedding day when quite drunk. The bride and groom were delighted for the couple. It was quite lovely - extra joy on a happy occasion.

Depends OP.
Is the friendship group the same as bridal party?

Shared a pic on a bridal group chat or what?

Proposed on a Wednesday, bride getting married on Saturday or?

The correct response when friends tell you they just got engaged is 'congratulations'. The very idea of people stealing other people's thunder is off-putting. Unless your friends are just getting married for attention you also getting married won't effect them.

I think it was bad form and obviously it would've felt like you were trying to steal the limelight

Why though? I genuinely don't understand. They got engaged. The bride and grooms wedding day is still their wedding day. I don't see how it takes away from anything. People are there to celebrate their marriage. I can't imagine anything more than 'congratulations!' being said to OP? She's not there in a wedding dress, she's a guest same as everyone else and has her own life which includes her also now getting married.

Sad state of affairs if no one is allowed to have nice things happen to them because of a wedding. Only thing anyone should be bothered about is marrying the person they love.

Don't be ridiculous. They went somewhere they always wanted to go together and he proposed there, before anyone else even arrived because they went early to have their own holiday.

No idea how it's lazy. Asking someone to marry you doesn't exactly take much time no matter where you do it, he's decided to do it in the place they both wanted to go to.

I got proposed to when I was in my pyjama's, went to brush my teeth and he was down on one knee when I came back. Didn't need him to do whatever it is you feel people should do...private plane with a banner attached? Separate holiday just to propose? Advert in the local paper?

@Westendgoer they're being unreasonable. Even at a wedding you don't spend your whole time talking about/staring at the bride and groom. People chat amongst themselves, catch up on what's going on with each other.

Maybe your 'friends' are jealous.

Oof tbh I think it’s a bit off. Of all the times and places he could have proposed.

Personally, even though you didn't "announce" it, I don't understand why you didn't just wait after the wedding to tell your friends. I think it was bad form and obviously it would've felt like you were trying to steal the limelight. It's not being a bridezilla to want your day to be about your wedding. The fact your own friends have said something to you, should give you a hint! All you can do is apologise about it. I also think proposing on someone else's wedding trip is also slightly lame, but understandable if you don't holiday much so that's excusable.

I think some people would be happy and some would rather you wait til after to share the news. Just like white dresses at weddings some care, some don’t and etiquette says err on the side of caution.

Furthermore sometimes if the bride’s family are paying and then someone else decides to make it about them they can rightly feel a bit peeved that attention was taken away from a significant event that they were hosting. It is poor manners in my opinion.

More importantly people who know both you, your fiancé and the married couple are saying that it is inconsiderate. You are ignoring that and seeking validation from strangers.

I think it's off. You are there for them not you regardless of how early you turned up.

Is there a reason he couldn't have proposed sometime after their wedding? Same place but less diverting? Hopefully it wasn't because the engagement would have been overshadowed by the wedding.

Well the lack of planning is your definition of lazy and I can assure you it was completely spontaneous - the thought came into his head and popped straight out his mouth. I said yes before he could change his mind. I've never regretted that it wasn't planned as it means so much more to know that he suddenly felt that this was the right thing to do. We've been married for nearly 34 years and have never said "gosh I wish we'd had a more elaborate proposal - the marriage and life we've made together is what matters.