Page 4 | Backlash after DP proposed on pre-Wedding holiday

Westendgoer · 2025-07-31T19:19:01+00:00

I got engaged last month - DP proposed whilst we were on holiday prior to my friends Wedding. The holiday was in the same resort, but we went over a week before the wedding date as it was somewhere we’d always wanted to visit so made sense to combine the two. I have had comments made by a couple of friends - not the bride - that this was a bit out of order and could have over shadowed the Wedding. I haven’t relayed to my DP, I don’t want it to taint the experience and personally I don’t see the issue with him proposing in the circumstances. Do you agree with me that my friends have overreacted?

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:30

samthepigeon · 01/08/2025 00:29

Low standards...oh my goodness.
Different standards from you, maybe, but low is a bit harsh.
And a marriage of 35 years is not to be sniffed at.

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But you had low standards to accept that proposal, so that shows you would stay with him for this long as you don't have higher expectations for yourself?

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:30

DappledThings · 01/08/2025 00:28

Not simple to me! Candles and decorations and favourite takeaway without discussing it would have been all faff and cringy to me. Not to lots of people and that's fine for them. But not liking any of that stuff doesn't mean low standards, just different preferences.

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I listed my favourite things, are you really that dense? Your partner should pick your fave activites, what you like to do - not what a random poster says on anon forum to do. I didn't in no way say every person on this planet earth should propose like that. Not propose out of shower, how is that thoughtful?

samthepigeon · 01/08/2025 00:29

LurkThenPost · 31/07/2025 23:45

It shows you have low standards tbh.

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Low standards...oh my goodness.
Different standards from you, maybe, but low is a bit harsh.
And a marriage of 35 years is not to be sniffed at.

Confabulations · 01/08/2025 00:29

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:16

His character shows he didn't care enough to choose a ring for you, which speaks volumes to me.

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Thanks for confirming you are trolling.

Loads of people don't have a ring ready and waiting. My perspective from knowing him - he cared enough that he wanted me to have input into the ring that I would be wearing for the rest of my life rather than deciding something so important on my behalf.

DappledThings · 01/08/2025 00:28

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:24

I literally listed a simple proposal, but ok. Like I said, I don't even use social media.

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Not simple to me! Candles and decorations and favourite takeaway without discussing it would have been all faff and cringy to me. Not to lots of people and that's fine for them. But not liking any of that stuff doesn't mean low standards, just different preferences.

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:25

samthepigeon · 01/08/2025 00:18

Thought, I imagine, would go into choosing the ring, and deciding whether to propose or not.

Expectations are so different to what they used to be.

Doesn't make for a better marriage necessarily.

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I don't think its demanding for him to choose a nice ring, demanding a certain price is way off! It's just about putting some effort in proposing. I don't even use social media so have no one to show off to. A PP said he proposed without a ring, it's like did he even try?

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:24

DappledThings · 01/08/2025 00:17

Shower wasn't me but I'm still happy with mine. And that's never sad. It's only sad for you to think simple isn't just as lovely as planned.

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I literally listed a simple proposal, but ok. Like I said, I don't even use social media.

samthepigeon · 01/08/2025 00:18

sciaticafanatica · 31/07/2025 21:12

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupiejust something that someone had put thought into.
not just sticking a ring in a bag and jumping on a plane to a mates wedding and proposing during their planned celebrations.
its just lazy… as are Christmas Day proposals

Thought, I imagine, would go into choosing the ring, and deciding whether to propose or not.

Expectations are so different to what they used to be.

Doesn't make for a better marriage necessarily.

DappledThings · 01/08/2025 00:17

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:15

Fair, be happy with your shower proposal. Sad.

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Shower wasn't me but I'm still happy with mine. And that's never sad. It's only sad for you to think simple isn't just as lovely as planned.

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:17

whitewineandsun · 01/08/2025 00:03

You shouldn't have said anything until after the wedding, I think.

People don't know how to read the room. A wedding takes months and a lot of money to plan, then picking a date. The entitlement.

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:16

Confabulations · 01/08/2025 00:11

I am not in the least interested in candles and decoration. If my DH had done as you suggest, I would have thought he had lost the plot. He also didn't have a ring, because it was spontaneous when he asked, not some planned event. He had no idea what sort of ring I would like, nor did I until we chose it together.

It isn't a case of low standards. More interested in the character of the man than his ability to set a scene.

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His character shows he didn't care enough to choose a ring for you, which speaks volumes to me.

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:16

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 01/08/2025 00:12

People care about different things.

I’d find candles and a takeaway very naff, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it

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Its just shows zero effort to propose to someone after having a shower. Like that was one god damn example. But, meh - if he farts then proposes you would be happy!

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:15

DappledThings · 01/08/2025 00:06

That stuff isn't important to all of us. It's not a low standard to not be interested in specific things.

I hate fuss of any kind so for me it being completely low-key and unplanned was better thought out that something that would have made me cringe with candles and decoration. That's a preference, not a lower standard.

None of which changes that there is nothing lacklustre about proposing on holiday, regardless of whether the holiday destination was chosen for its own sake or because there was a specific event there a few days later.

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Fair, be happy with your shower proposal. Sad.

samthepigeon · 01/08/2025 00:14

sciaticafanatica · 31/07/2025 20:54

@DappledThingsno it could be anywhere that’s an original thought… not just piggybacking onto someone else’s occasion.
thats just lazy , lacklustre and totally crap

Perhaps a lot of thought went into whether to propose or not, though, which is actually the important part.

Franjipanl8r · 01/08/2025 00:13

Get new friends.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 01/08/2025 00:12

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:01

Its about having basic respect and making an effort. It could be a home proposal, but you clearly have very low standards so there's that. The bar is very low for men.

Simple proposal at home:
Order my favourite take away
Light some candles
Make an effort in some decoration
Get a nice ring I'll like

Not wait for me to come out the shower. Not everything needs to be on Instagram. I don't even use Instagram !!

Edited

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People care about different things.

I’d find candles and a takeaway very naff, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it

Confabulations · 01/08/2025 00:11

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:01

Its about having basic respect and making an effort. It could be a home proposal, but you clearly have very low standards so there's that. The bar is very low for men.

Simple proposal at home:
Order my favourite take away
Light some candles
Make an effort in some decoration
Get a nice ring I'll like

Not wait for me to come out the shower. Not everything needs to be on Instagram. I don't even use Instagram !!

Edited

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I am not in the least interested in candles and decoration. If my DH had done as you suggest, I would have thought he had lost the plot. He also didn't have a ring, because it was spontaneous when he asked, not some planned event. He had no idea what sort of ring I would like, nor did I until we chose it together.

It isn't a case of low standards. More interested in the character of the man than his ability to set a scene.

DappledThings · 01/08/2025 00:06

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:01

Its about having basic respect and making an effort. It could be a home proposal, but you clearly have very low standards so there's that. The bar is very low for men.

Simple proposal at home:
Order my favourite take away
Light some candles
Make an effort in some decoration
Get a nice ring I'll like

Not wait for me to come out the shower. Not everything needs to be on Instagram. I don't even use Instagram !!

Edited

Show quote history

That stuff isn't important to all of us. It's not a low standard to not be interested in specific things.

I hate fuss of any kind so for me it being completely low-key and unplanned was better thought out that something that would have made me cringe with candles and decoration. That's a preference, not a lower standard.

None of which changes that there is nothing lacklustre about proposing on holiday, regardless of whether the holiday destination was chosen for its own sake or because there was a specific event there a few days later.

whitewineandsun · 01/08/2025 00:03

You shouldn't have said anything until after the wedding, I think.

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:01

DappledThings · 31/07/2025 23:52

Or just care more about the words and the excitement of being married than making the proposal a big occasion? That really isn't a low standard.

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Its about having basic respect and making an effort. It could be a home proposal, but you clearly have very low standards so there's that. The bar is very low for men.

Simple proposal at home:
Order my favourite take away
Light some candles
Make an effort in some decoration
Get a nice ring I'll like

Not wait for me to come out the shower. Not everything needs to be on Instagram. I don't even use Instagram !!

DappledThings · 31/07/2025 23:52

LurkThenPost · 31/07/2025 23:47

Women just have very low standards. Some woman said he came out the shower and proposed lol !! Sad really.

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Or just care more about the words and the excitement of being married than making the proposal a big occasion? That really isn't a low standard.

LurkThenPost · 31/07/2025 23:48

Echobelly · 31/07/2025 23:08

People can get ridiculous about this kind of thing... it's hardly like everyone's going to walk away from the wedding talking about how a couple there got engaged the week before at the place.

@sciaticafanatica - you wouldn't be impressed by my husband's proposal, it was totally impromptu on a wet tuesday in January after we'd been to an exhibition and he didn't have a ring. Not everyone needs a big song and dance.

lol he didn't even have a ring? wtf how can you propose without a ring?

LurkThenPost · 31/07/2025 23:47

Zov · 31/07/2025 23:24

Why are some people saying the OP's other half did nothing wrong, because 'a marriage proposal doesn't have to be particularly timed...' Whilst bleating about how their DH proposed while she was having a shit, or just after she'd give him a blow job, or when she was pegging out the washing, or just after she'd cracked off a stinky fart next to him. And to add to the mundaneness, he never got her an engagement ring, he gave her a potato hula hoop for a wedding ring, and they got married in a photo booth in Morrisons.

Big deal. That doesn't mean the OP's 'fiance' was right to have proposed at someone else's pre wedding celebration!

!

Edited

Women just have very low standards. Some woman said he came out the shower and proposed lol !! Sad really.

LurkThenPost · 31/07/2025 23:46

Lazy, lacklustre and uninventive to piggyback over someone else's idea and celebrations. The bar for men is so low.

LurkThenPost · 31/07/2025 23:45

Timetodownsize · 31/07/2025 21:18

Well good grief you'd be horrified by my proposal !! Then boyfriend now dh came out the shower and said "how would you like to get engaged? " I was utterly taken aback and said "do you mean that" - he said yes and so did I - that was 35 years ago.

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It shows you have low standards tbh.