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Original poster

Backlash after DP proposed on pre-Wedding holiday

256 replies

Westendgoer · 31/07/2025 20:19

I got engaged last month - DP proposed whilst we were on holiday prior to my friends Wedding. The holiday was in the same resort, but we went over a week before the wedding date as it was somewhere we’d always wanted to visit so made sense to combine the two.

I have had comments made by a couple of friends - not the bride - that this was a bit out of order and could have over shadowed the Wedding. I haven’t relayed to my DP, I don’t want it to taint the experience and personally I don’t see the issue with him proposing in the circumstances.

Do you agree with me that my friends have overreacted?

OP posts:
spoonbillstretford · 01/08/2025 03:28

HenDoNot · 31/07/2025 20:35

I think “could have overshadowed the wedding” is a bit much, but I’d privately think your partner is certainly lacking in imagination, if the best place and time he could come up with for a proposal is when you’re on holiday to attend someone else’s wedding. It’s quite lazy.

Thank God not everyone goes for a showy attention-seeking Instagram performance of an engagement. Sounds practical and lovely to me, not lazy.

IridiumSky · 01/08/2025 02:42

Idontjetwashthefucker · 31/07/2025 20:20

Your friends are dicks

.

SomethingUniqueThisTime · 01/08/2025 02:26

It seems a very strange thing to do if you share the same friendship group as the bride or groom. The only way it would not look like you were detracting attention away from the wedding would be to keep it quiet until a few weeks after the wedding but even then it’s a bit off.
Surely you would have preferred your proposal and engagement announcement to be a separate occasion than someone else’s wedding trip? I would have been cringing with embarrassment for you so I can understand your friends points of view.

DreamTheMoors · 01/08/2025 01:58

I’d be so over the moon at getting married this wouldn’t bother me at all if I were the bride.
In fact, you could announce it at my reception and it STILL wouldn’t bother me because I’m not an it has to be all about me even on my wedding day.
Christ almighty when did weddings turn into this “shhh don’t say anything you might upset Kathy on her big day!” ??
Kathy’s a big girl - or she shouldn’t be getting married.
Wait until Kathy finds out about her groom and her maid of honour lol.

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 01:42

SalonDesRefuses · 01/08/2025 01:37

I think this poster is just trolling at this point. Must not have gotten the proposal they wanted.

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I got what I wanted, I just find this painfully sad and funny at the same time.

Cornishclio · 01/08/2025 01:42

Good grief is no one else allowed to celebrate anything else in the two weeks leading up to a wedding? I question the mentality of some people and what they get upset by. Did the engagement overshadow the wedding? Of course not. It is fine.

Delphiniumandlupins · 01/08/2025 01:40

I think it's good manners not to announce your engagement (or pregnancy) at someone else's wedding. Even if the bride doesn't mind. Although you got engaged the week before, friends are likely to admire your ring and offer congratulations the first time they see you. It depends how you handle that whether it's diverting attention from the weddig. So a couple of days after would be better.

SalonDesRefuses · 01/08/2025 01:37

Confabulations · 01/08/2025 00:40

No, it isn't. It is asking someone if they will marry you. It is proposing marriage, not presenting a ring. The ring is just a symbol.

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I think this poster is just trolling at this point. Must not have gotten the proposal they wanted.

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 01:33

SalonDesRefuses · 01/08/2025 01:31

And? Your marriage is off to a rocky start if your wedding day can only be enjoyed if all of your 100 guests are banned from any important life event any time near it.

And also, ordering a take away and lighting candles isn't special. We light candles almost nightly and take away once a week. Someone thinking how much they love you and just blurting out they want to marry you, that's genuine.

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lol is all I have to say

SalonDesRefuses · 01/08/2025 01:31

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:17

People don't know how to read the room. A wedding takes months and a lot of money to plan, then picking a date. The entitlement.

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And? Your marriage is off to a rocky start if your wedding day can only be enjoyed if all of your 100 guests are banned from any important life event any time near it.

And also, ordering a take away and lighting candles isn't special. We light candles almost nightly and take away once a week. Someone thinking how much they love you and just blurting out they want to marry you, that's genuine.

hungryduck · 01/08/2025 01:26

I bet there is correlation between how "insta worthy" the proposal was, and divorce rate.

I am actually shocked real people are admitting to being so shallow about proposals. As long as it's not on the wedding day itself, it really doesn't matter. But I (like most normal people) tend to find joy in my friends happy moments, not drag them down for it.

Confabulations · 01/08/2025 00:40

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:36

But, you need a "RING" to propose - that's the point of proposing?

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No, it isn't. It is asking someone if they will marry you. It is proposing marriage, not presenting a ring. The ring is just a symbol.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 01/08/2025 00:39

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:38

Yes

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Something pretty with a nice diamond?

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:38

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 01/08/2025 00:37

I proposed to DH… should I have made sure I had an engagement ring for him?

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Yes

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:37

Zov · 31/07/2025 23:24

Why are some people saying the OP's other half did nothing wrong, because 'a marriage proposal doesn't have to be particularly timed...' Whilst bleating about how their DH proposed while she was having a shit, or just after she'd give him a blow job, or when she was pegging out the washing, or just after she'd cracked off a stinky fart next to him. And to add to the mundaneness, he never got her an engagement ring, he gave her a potato hula hoop for a wedding ring, and they got married in a photo booth in Morrisons.

Big deal. That doesn't mean the OP's 'fiance' was right to have proposed at someone else's pre wedding celebration!

!

Edited

You said it better than me.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 01/08/2025 00:37

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:36

But, you need a "RING" to propose - that's the point of proposing?

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I proposed to DH… should I have made sure I had an engagement ring for him?

ILoveBrum · 01/08/2025 00:37

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 31/07/2025 21:35

Hmmm I’m kind of on the fence but can’t put my finger on why…

if it was done a week before the wedding, not announced on the day etc etc then technically nothing at all wrong with it, things don’t and shouldn’t go on hold for one couples’s wedding.
Having said that I can see why it being done AT the location you were visiting because of the wedding some how that feels a bit.. I don’t know, can’t put my finger on it…O guess you could say it feels a bit off even though the wedding couple would have no right to feel off about it..?

Having said all that though…your friends shouldn’t have said anything to you since it’s not your fault as it was your fiancés choice to propose to you then not yours and it’s not like you can go back in time and change it so they should have kept out of it!

I feel the same as this post explains. I also reckon the bride is upset & has spoken to the friends who have mentioned it to you. They were right to make you aware (assuming you care about your friend).

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:36

Confabulations · 01/08/2025 00:34

It is trolling to imply that you can judge the character of someone as not caring because they proposed spontaneously without a ring.

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But, you need a "RING" to propose - that's the point of proposing?

Confabulations · 01/08/2025 00:34

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:31

Its trolling to expect a partner to buy a ring? Wow.

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It is trolling to imply that you can judge the character of someone as not caring because they proposed spontaneously without a ring.

samthepigeon · 01/08/2025 00:33

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:31

Lol ok, I'm out. This is so sad.

Edited
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I would rather choose it myself, if I'm wearing it for ever! God knows what I may be given!

DappledThings · 01/08/2025 00:33

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:30

I listed my favourite things, are you really that dense? Your partner should pick your fave activites, what you like to do - not what a random poster says on anon forum to do. I didn't in no way say every person on this planet earth should propose like that. Not propose out of shower, how is that thoughtful?

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He did, by making it zero fuss and no occasion. Which you insisted meant I had low standards.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 01/08/2025 00:33

I’ve been happily married for 26 years and still don’t have an engagement ring…

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:31

samthepigeon · 01/08/2025 00:31

Of course people propose without a ring. They can go and choose it together afrer.

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Lol ok, I'm out. This is so sad.

LurkThenPost · 01/08/2025 00:31

Confabulations · 01/08/2025 00:29

Thanks for confirming you are trolling.

Loads of people don't have a ring ready and waiting. My perspective from knowing him - he cared enough that he wanted me to have input into the ring that I would be wearing for the rest of my life rather than deciding something so important on my behalf.

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Its trolling to expect a partner to buy a ring? Wow.

samthepigeon · 01/08/2025 00:31

LurkThenPost · 31/07/2025 23:48

lol he didn't even have a ring? wtf how can you propose without a ring?

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Of course people propose without a ring. They can go and choose it together afrer.