New Partner - Herpes - too many outbreaks?

Does he drink alcohol and does he get enough sleep?

@Florencelatsy Just high dose folic acid to keep my brain going (lost my words with folate anaemia last year), magnesium, and then prescription meds, anti histamines and air filter machines! A huge amount of fluids to keep blood pressure up too. Lack of sleep is my biggest tie in with coldsore flare ups though (thanks kids...)

Unpopular opinion?
I just couldnt stay in the relationship like this.

This sounds like me! Desperate for a diagnosis, too many symptoms to list and crazy low ferritin even though the Drs say I'm borderline I literally need a nap every day and can sleep for hours on end and still not feel refreshed. What supplements help? I'm trying to put together a plan of action and overhaul diet/exercise/supplements but don't know where to start!

I get outbreaks ALL THE TIME!! I think I have an autoimmune issue, and I'll admit my diet is terrible but honestly, it often seems like once one bout has cleared, another comes up. Stress/illness are triggers for me. My drs are good and I can get suppressants on repeat prescription (aciclovir) but as I'm single I just ride them out. I'm sure if your partner talked to a dr they would understand and prescribe? Or you can buy it privately online. You can be on them long term, and I'd definitely do this if I was in a relationship as it would help lessen the risk of transmission. You're best to steer clear of this at all costs, I caught it from my partner (I knew he had it but his breakouts were so small and often went undetected) whilst pregnant and my first outbreak was absolutely horrendous, I was ill with it too for over 2 weeks and was so worried about the baby as well (baby was fine thankfully!). Its painful and draining and a big part of the reason I've been single 10 years (I'd find it so hard telling a new partner!) and the fact its lifelong is really depressing!

You need to work out if he's prepared to take care of himself and make a difference to his own health. Men are reluctant GP visitors. Have you asked how he contracted it ? Did he have a full range of checks for other conditions ? Even though he handled the conversation well he's not taken any action to reduce the outbreaks. I think this is starting to trigger you and after a year or two will irritate you as you won't get your needs met because he's not taking meds that might help. Is be questioning his approach not the herpes.

My dh has ther herpes virus but only gets occasional cold sores on his face, not genitals. They tend to come more when he’s under stress and that’s when he takes anti viral tablets.

It sounds like he's a really lovely person, OP. :-) As others have said, if he isn't already on them, he could do with going on meds to help, plus make changes to his lifestyle. Heat and stress cause more frequent outbreaks in my best friend - he doesn't get cold sores on his mouth, but does have genital herpes. He wears very light, airy underwear to help prevent getting too hot. His first couple of years after infection were super hard on him with very frequent outbreaks, but they've lessened enormously over time.

This is tricky. I only have coldsores, if they can be described as that when they're mostly up your nose - they drifted there in my 20s, so it's now rare to get one on my lip. I can go a year without one, other times I have them back to back, several a month, every month, for months. Supplements and vitamins don't help me (though specific ones do help me with other issues like my crazy low folate, so it's not for lack of trying!), it's stress and immune related for me (no diagnosis yet, but many invasive tests ongoing - f knows what's wrong with me).

Its great that hes been honest and respectful, but if an active sex life is important to you, and if he's not being proactive with his health and seeking medical help with meds/tests, trying new things, I'm not sure I'd continue. You have children to support already, do you want to stretch yourself further for someone new? Maybe that's a way to raise it with him?

Zinc! Every single day. It works really well for me when I get cold sores on my lip. Ultra violet light can bring them on.

(Never ever genital)

If I stop taking it I might get a small outbreak but it’s usually mild & soon clears up.

Get it from the local pharmacy or Holland & Barret. Zovirax cream is also good and his GP can prescribe a systemic anti-viral. Ask about it.

Long term acyclovir makes no difference to me. I don't have hiv. But I do have a beautiful,array of auto immune disorders.

It’s so unique, I don’t think there’s a norm.
I had a horrendous outbreak in my early 20s when I caught it, a few more over the next few years. I was scared not only I’d never be intimate but it would affect working abilities.
It’s now been over 20 years since my last outbreak.
Is it fairly recent he caught it? I have a few years of hell.

Has he been tested for HIV? poor immune system increases outbreaks so if not he should get tested.

Some people have really frequently recurring heroes out reaks and need to take aciclovir long term to keep it at bay

I have hsv1, caught from previous bf five years ago. It started in my mouth as ulcers, have only ever had two genital outbreaks. I now get it inside my nose and as of recently on my nose. I take a preventative dose of acyclovir and daily lysine. Despite this I have an outbreak somewhere probably once a week. The sores last only about 24 hours but I get massive emotional dysregulation and or fatigue as a pro drome.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Kept me single for 4 years as the outbreaks were constant. Im now with someone who thinks he had an outbreak years ago so already has it and is robustly healthy.

So my point is your partner could do all the preventative things there are and still have constant sores. Like me.

(Sorry I posted so many times! Was on a train amd didn’t realise it had gone through…)

Could he have other conditions that affect his immunity? Has he been tested and you've seen the results?

I have herpes, and take antivirals to prevent transmission and reduce outbreaks after having a nasty bout of neuralgia after it.
If I didn’t have herpes I wouldn’t choose a partner with it tbh. It’s lifelong. I caught mine from a partner who had a full STI check but they do not test for herpes and they didn’t have outbreaks 🙈.
Hopefully in the future they will have a cure.

couldn't read and run.

I dated someone for six months who had genital herpes - something he disclosed after we were intimate a few times. Not ideal. However, he proactively took antivirals, and we would not be intimate during his outbreaks. I reckon he had about 3 outbreaks during the time we were dating, and during each of these, we didn't have any form of sexual intimacy. I understood that the sores were painful and seemed to appear when he was run down (after attending stag dos, nights out) etc. In that respect, he was responsible about keeping me safe.

I should also add that he was in his mid-thirties at the time, sporty, fit, and outgoing. Ultimately, whilst it wasn't his fault that he had herpes, it was disruptive to intimacy (as you're discovering with your bloke), and I know he held a great deal of complex emotions about the girl (a former long-term partner) who gave it to him. Again, that might not be an issue for your situation.

At the risk of being slammed by people with herpes, I would have second thoughts about dating someone with it again, especially if they were being cavalier about their diet and lifestyle.

8 months in you should still be having a lot of fun - sexual and otherwise - not worrying about his diet and how to get him to change his approach. If he isn't taking antivirals or proactively managing future outbreaks, I would personally rethink your relationship.

He needs to eat better and take a multivitamin as well as 500mg if lysine per day. If he still is getting outbreaks then he should be on antivirals and should see a doctor about his immune system.

There a things he should be doing and he’s not doing them. I worked with a girl who got cold sores and she told me about lysine. This was decades ago - so I don’t understand why your boyfriend is doing nothing to deal with the outbreaks. His immune system must be really run down.

If he gets Zoviclar he can ask for them as an anti suppressant ones
so for long term
you take them as soon as you get an outbreak and then after that 2-3 time a week

if he can’t get it off his doctor for whatever reason
Superdrug / pharmacia and Dr Fox all do the long term suppression ones for around 40-50 for 3 months which will actually last longer depending on how often he has a outbtesk

also half a lysine tablet a day will keep them at bay
you can get these for a tenner at Holland and barret

Ah that’s tough. The GP can prescribe Zoviclar tablets which should help. Can you experiment with intimacy that doesn’t require close contact?

This is not normal.

He is disinterested in looking after himself properly and giving himself half a chance of curbing these flare-ups.

Only 8 months in and you’re trying to sneak more veg, fruit and vitamins into his food and coax him into doing some exercise? He hasn’t thought to seek any medical advice… Will you have to phone the doctors and make an appointment for him too?

Are you not finding this a huge turn off?

The GP can prescribe Zoviclar tablets which should help. Can you experiment with intimacy that doesn’t require close contact?

The GP can prescribe Zoviclar tablets which should help. Can you experiment with intimacy that doesn’t require close contact?

The GP can prescribe Zoviclar tablets which should help. Can you experiment with intimacy that doesn’t require close contact?