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Original poster

AIBU with my expectations of life with a toddler?

56 replies

Floundering66 · 31/07/2025 14:45

Help! I need to know if my expectations of life with a toddler are wildly out of touch or if my toddler is being especially difficult/ I’m going wrong somewhere with my parenting!

I’ll start by saying I KNOW toddlers are difficult & demanding and prone to throwing tantrums but … is everyone else out there struggling as much as me?

My little boy (19 months) is lovely and I find being out and about with him relatively easy but a switch seems to flip as soon as we enter the house. I typically pick him up from nursery around 5pm, we get home and play for a bit and then I’ll start to cook dinner (this is always something easy) and then the drama starts. He will have huge meltdown if I don’t do exactly what he wants, when he wants. So last night he wanted me to chase him round the house, I stopped briefly to turn the oven on - he wasn’t having any of it. When dinner is ready, we sit at the table to eat - he has one bite then wants to get out of his chair. I encourage him to eat, he doesn’t want it, I get him out - huge tantrum and wants to get back in the chair. Cycle continues for a few minutes, I get him out and try and get him to play with toys. As soon as I start eating he throws a massive tantrum again. This sort of behaviour is all day - I can’t eat, have a cuppa, brush my teeth etc without whinging, tears or tantrums. I used to be able to get him to “help” me - e.g ask him to get my shoes/ pack the bag while I got ready but he doesn’t find that fun anymore. So how is everyone else managing? He sleeps 8.30-6, I don’t really want to wait until he’s in bed to eat my dinner!

OP posts:
Original poster
Floundering66 · 31/07/2025 15:18

Michele09 · 31/07/2025 15:14

Agree with pp. The more you pander and act as his servant the worse and more entitled he will become. Either keep him in his high chair or get him down once and then eat your dinner. Don't keep putting him up and down. If he wants a toy don't fetch it for him. Don't react to his tantrums. He has learned they get him what he wants. Tell him nicely to go and get what he is pointing at. How is he at nursery, do they give you feedback? Maybe they have some pointers on managing his behaviour.

No issues like this at nursery (so I’m told) - he eats all his food, goes to sleep independently on a little mat, plays nicely - had a couple of emotional days but rare. Like I said, I don’t struggle with if I’m out, he’s great fun at soft play/ play groups etc.

OP posts:
Michele09 · 31/07/2025 15:14

Agree with pp. The more you pander and act as his servant the worse and more entitled he will become. Either keep him in his high chair or get him down once and then eat your dinner. Don't keep putting him up and down. If he wants a toy don't fetch it for him. Don't react to his tantrums. He has learned they get him what he wants. Tell him nicely to go and get what he is pointing at. How is he at nursery, do they give you feedback? Maybe they have some pointers on managing his behaviour.

Original poster
Floundering66 · 31/07/2025 15:03

Nokonoko · 31/07/2025 14:55

Can I be blunt?

Ignore him. Doesn’t want to eat - fine, don’t, but mummy is eating, you can amuse yourself over there where I can see you. Throws a tantrum if you sit and have a coffee - let him, I am having a seat and a cup of coffee and will play with you when I am done. Ignore the whining and tantrums. He is doing this because you listen when he does. I have a 6 year old DS and was the exact same, I pandered for too long and realised when he was about 4 that he just could not and would not entertain himself, and he was bossy because he moaned then got his own way! And I had no one to blame but myself! We switched things up a bit and now it’s much better and he will easily go and amuse himself but don’t make the same mistake I did!

Edited

Thanks - he’s soooo bossy already! Doesn’t entertain himself, just points at toys and expects me to move them where he wants them. I imagined a toddler would have a tantrum about being in a high chair but would happily get out and play with toys - but it’s not even this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Floundering66 · 31/07/2025 15:01

Bobbybobbins · 31/07/2025 14:49

It is likely that he is really tired and this is how it is manifesting itself. Could you try and give him his tea a bit earlier then start bedtime a bit earlier?

I don’t think it’s that, he’s like it all day & at the weekends too! He wakes up miserable, I have to walk around the house with him for around 30 minutes until he calms down. I can’t do tea any earlier on nursery days as I’m at work. He used to go to bed at 8 but was waking at 5 so we pushed it back by 30 minutes.

OP posts:
Nokonoko · 31/07/2025 14:55

Can I be blunt?

Ignore him. Doesn’t want to eat - fine, don’t, but mummy is eating, you can amuse yourself over there where I can see you. Throws a tantrum if you sit and have a coffee - let him, I am having a seat and a cup of coffee and will play with you when I am done. Ignore the whining and tantrums. He is doing this because you listen when he does. I have a 6 year old DS and was the exact same, I pandered for too long and realised when he was about 4 that he just could not and would not entertain himself, and he was bossy because he moaned then got his own way! And I had no one to blame but myself! We switched things up a bit and now it’s much better and he will easily go and amuse himself but don’t make the same mistake I did!

Bobbybobbins · 31/07/2025 14:49

It is likely that he is really tired and this is how it is manifesting itself. Could you try and give him his tea a bit earlier then start bedtime a bit earlier?

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