To ask my SIL to not bring her “therapy dog” to our family BBQ?

DH thinks I’m being a bit rigid and should just let it go to avoid drama

Course he does... it's his sister. how about the sil just let's it go to avoid drama? Just an idea.

Its your house, your boundaries
They sound reasonable
I have two toddlers and an anxious dog , I don't think its a great mix tbh

I love animals, and had a dig who was sweet and kind, but I'd never bring her to a BBQ (food is temptation), or around small children. There's too much going on. I find people who claim they need an untrained and unruly emotional support animal are many times attention seekers.

If dogs jump up and steal human food, or they are too boisterous around little ones, it's a no-brainer. The dog stays at home until it can behave.

I hate people's entitlement with their dogs - I know people love their pets but it's getting out of hand (the term 'Fur-baby' drives me nuts). I grew up with dogs (but have a bit of a phobia of large ones, having been bitten as a teenager) but they were never taken to other people's houses/social events/restaurants etc. My DD is getting married and her future in-laws are insisting on bringing their two large dogs, future brother in law a lively puppy and Nan a small one which apparently nips! For goodness sake, it's neither good for other guests or the dogs! A wedding, a BBQ (where a lively animal could be burnt) are just not the place for an excitable dog. The day is stressful enough entertaining and watching your children. Your home, your rules, although you will have to get DH to side with you.

This really annoys me at the moment, the amount of people that will try to claim their dog is a therapy dog to hide their entitled belief that rules shouldn’t apply to them which then makes everyone question genuine situations!

I trust that if her anxiety is over and above that of the average person and is not manageable without a service animal that she is in therapy accordingly? Especially if she needs a ‘service animal’.

Tuff, she’s making out she’s got a medically diagnosed mental health issue but obviously hasn’t. Is she trying to claim benefits as well as it’s rife at present 😡?

Found this online....

Assistance dogs carry out specific tasks that directly support a person with a disability or long-term condition—such as PTSD, autism, or anxiety. These tasks may include providing deep pressure during moments of distress, interrupting repetitive behaviours, or helping their handler feel safe and grounded in busy environments. Assistance dogs are matched to one individual and work alongside them daily to improve their quality of life. They are granted full public access rights under the Equality Act 2010, meaning they can legally accompany their handler in shops, restaurants, public transport, and other spaces where dogs are normally not allowed.
In contrast, therapy dogs are usually pets who visit places like care homes, hospitals, or schools to provide comfort and companionship to a variety of people. They are not trained for specific tasks or to support one person long-term. Therapy dogs do not have public access rights and may only enter certain venues with permission.
In short, assistance dogs offer life-enhancing, specialised support to one person and are legally protected as working animals, while therapy dogs provide general comfort in controlled settings as part of structured visits.

Interesting that a therapy dog is just meant to cheer someone up not provide permanent support....and your sil's untrained spaniel is clearly not highly trained assistance dog.

Ain’t no dog coming to my house!

Because it's not the host's job to do so.
The dog is untrained and not properly socialized. It would tear the house apart if left unattended. Spanials are high needs (love them, owned one).

Why is no one suggesting a compromise, can dog not stay in house and keep regular checks on it?

Why is no one suggesting a compromise, can dog not stay in house and keep regular checks on it?

Why is n ne suggesting a compromise, can dog not stay in house and keep regular checks on it?

Why is n ne suggesting a compromise, can dog not stay in house and keep regular checks on it?

OP's husband has to tell his sister himself.
OP needs to have a calm conversation with her DH about what happened last time when the dog was brought and that it is wholly unreasonable to allow the dog back and have the same chaos. Frankly, DH should be concerned about keeping the peace within his own household, not with sister. It's up to the sister how she reacts and handles it. It's not up to OP snd her DH to manage the sister and her dog.

@AshNice while the law is unclear about what constitutes an 'assistance dog', there is clarity that it needs to be trained. Hers clearly isn't.

Most of the things you describe are relatively easily solved, and the fact that she hasn't done so absolves you of any guilt. I am a dog owner, but I don't like untrained dogs. More frustrating as I am also a trainer, so when I see things that can relatively easily be fixed, it is more than frustrating.

Yes! Literally this. Why are people who are soooo anxious and soooo shy so able to be bossy, demanding and bowl other people over…seems rather unlike anyone who has, you know, actual anxiety.

I’m with you on this, it’s hard enough entertaining guests, doing food and looking after excited toddlers. Sorry ICBA to also facilitate someone else’s dog especially who exasperates the whole day.

just reply saying “ok hope to see you next time” amd leave it. Cannot abide people putting pressure on hosts.

She is disrespecting mental health by calling a non registered or trained dog a therapy dog.

Difficult one. I have therapy dogs. I would say your SIL needs the dog with her, but spaniels are known to be a bit wild. How about you have this family bbq with out her as there are toddlers around, but maybe next week or something have a just family bbq with your SIL & her dog, maybe another adult or two if you feel it would be better. And a thought maybe the dog could be enrolled in dog agility course. Uses lots of energy that way. Maybe if you checked out the closest in her area & maybe get tour husband ti tell her all about it? Just a thought. 🙂

You need to listen to your DH. This is his sister remember? Treat her well. I take your point but say she can bring him so as to avoid drama just as he said. If it starts behaving badly like last time just grin and bear it. I take it other family members on his side will be there too. If you ban him they will think you are being bitchy and if she does not come you are going to alienate yourself from her/his family and cause an atmosphere. She sounds a nightmare. Feel it is more her you would like to ban more than the dog. In-laws are usually a nightmare and SIL’s usually jealous. It’s not every day you have to put up with her so for the sake of family diplomacy grin and bear it.

I’d personally have said I would bring a tether and ensure the dog was kept on a leash - no need for it to be running riot but that would be a compromise

How does she manage going into supermarkets, doctors, hairdressers, everywhere else where a dog cannot go?

I say this as a multiple dog owner, and mental health worker - She needs to get a grip. One on herself and her dog. Tell her you'll be sad not to see her, but perhaps she should ask her GP for some Propranololololol and an SSRI, to help with the anxiety .

I had a friend with a massive rabbit...she called it her therapy animal. It died. Now she also has a therapy hamster. It also died. I can only imagine they were just fed up of her shit and kicked the bucket on purpose.

I own a very well behaved dog but would never push him onto somebody else if they did not want the at their house. It’s your house - your rules. I cannot tolerate people with badly behaved dogs who think it’s okay and people should put up with them. Take a bit of time and effort to train your dog properly so they’re not a pain. (Don’t get me started on owners with dogs on extendable leads)
You are completely in the right. Have a fabulous BBQ with your family and don’t give SIL a second thought. I hope the weather is lovely for you

She already has.