To ask my SIL to not bring her “therapy dog” to our family BBQ?

I have a very unruly Labrador puppy who is very excitable and is in training. We do not take her to my siblings’ houses for parties, although she is welcome, because she would be disruptive. Any good dog owner would not bring a poorly-behaved dog to a party.

With you all the way, OP.

Proper assistance dogs are trained to an inch of their lives.

I love dogs and don't go to family events because I don't want mine distressed but I'm with you on this one.

She laid the boat and you ate it up, she didn’t want to come as she don’t like you.

She sounds very similar to someone I know who has a “therapy dog” (which is also not an official therapy dog). She has self-diagnosed “mental health” issues, is very self-absorbed, and everyone agrees is a narcissist. You can’t really reason with people like that, so just respectfully and politely maintain your boundaries. It’s your house.

YANBU. I like dogs myself and spaniels are my favourite, but like any dog they need training, and until the dog is trained to a level where they can be at a family BBQ without jumping on everyone and eating off the plates, then your SIL should not be bringing the dog there. Any sensible and respectful dog owner understands this.

This. People who really are anxious would have the dog trained and official. And would also be extremely anxious about upsetting others! Not this attention seeking nonsense. Let her not come; that way you’re not enabling her behaviour. If she really wants to be there, she’ll turn up minus the dog.

Your husband needs to back you up otherwise he going to make you look the bad person to the family. Playing the mental health card manipulative on her part just ignore her. And that's gross allowing a dog to jump up and steal food she needs to train the dog quickly.
Just ignore her messages It's your event and that's that.

Or for dog owners to put the effort in and train their dogs.

Agree. Dogs aren't allowed into my house or garden. People who can't respect that, don't come. I might make an exception for an actual, properly trained assistance dog but the situation has not arisen.

I know this is a long thread, but I wish people would read the OP's updates. This is turning into cancel the cheque territory.

The OP posted

AshNice · 31/07/2025 12:48

I ended up texting her something simple like “Sorry we won’t see you this time - hope to catch up soon,” and just left it there.

I didn't say that.

So it's alright for thr dog to do it at others people's houses for them to have clean up the mess?

If you dont want mess or trouble from a dog dont get a dog it's not rocket

This absolutely. You’re not being unreasonable to not have a bouncy, badly behaved dog at an event in your home, and if she feels she can’t go anywhere without it then that’s her decision to make. My experience is that people with badly behaved dogs are bad owners, and unlikely to take feedback or criticism anyway, so keeping it simple is the best solution.

Dogs can be a brilliant therapeutic companion - but the point is they need to be socialised, well trained and well controlled.

You could explain to her that you'd welcome the dog - once she's invested in his training, so his behaviour doesn't impact on others. Stealing food and getting around children are issues that must be addressed and you're not prepared to risk it again in your home.

This is a good article - it's American but has relevant points you could quote
https://vetexplainspets.com/how-to-train-your-dog-to-be-a-therapy-dog/#

I would imagine not.I have travelled all over the world with mine and never had an issue. And if a country is so clued up that they have such a system, then they must have the ability to adapt for travellers.

Edited to say that interestingly the internet suggests that France runs such a scheme. I go to France yearly and have never once been asked for any documentation for my service dog other than his passport. The same applies to both Sweden and New Zealand - again both we have trvalled to and the only documentation asked for has been his passport.

Tell her that you're sorry she feels she cannot attend without the dog, but you are very anxious, yourself - about an excitable dog being around the toddlers and food - especially after what happened previously. Get other family members to back you on this so you're not the only "bad guy". I'd suggest she get a professional dog trainer to help her with the dog's behaviour.
I love my dog, but don't inflict him on others, especially toddlers.

Good for you. You’ll be doing her a favour in the long run. Therapy dog who causes havoc. Nah.

Don’t stress over her with this, just message saying something like ‘ok, sorry to hear you won’t be attending, see you again soon’, she sounds like a bit of a narcissist so don’t give her that power, nip it on the bud now so it saves having to deal with her & her dog again! Maybe it will give her the nudge she clearly needs to train Her dog! They are a very trainable breed so no excuse not to do it!

I think that sometimes people don't want to leave their dog at home alone because it's noisy and/or destructive when they do. A lot of dogs, if not most, hate being left by themselves and some will annoy the neighbours howling and barking, while others tear up the sofa. Some shit and piss in the house.

On balance I think it would be preferable for people to be honest about why the dog comes along to everything.

What a bloody snowflake.
I love dogs and am a dog owner myself, but you are WELL within your rights to ask her not to bring him!
YANBU.

Its absolutely not a therapy dog. But to be honest, id rather have a dog than the toddlers 😂

I sympathise with you OP. My brother and SIL have a dog (thankfully they don't claim it's a therapy dog) that goes everywhere with them. Which would be fine but they haven't bothered to train it. Dog barks constantly, tries to eat of others plates. Worse thing is he snaps at DS.
He's done this twice and it means we don't see them anymore.
I will not visit them or other family if they are there as I will not put my son at risk. SIL says it's not the dogs fault. It's because DS has additional needs and the dog can sense it. So I don't find it too much of a loss we don't see them. Brother says the dog is better now but other family don't seem to agree.
I'd say to DH SIL has already said she's not coming so that's the end of it. I do like dogs but hate irresponsible owners.

Im with you on this,I've got a cocker spaniel 9 years beautiful dog she is,loves kids but a nightmare around kids and food and people,very jumpy upy and wants the food and attention,so unless this dog was registered which it's not id be like you saying no and we will catch up another time..God sakes surely she understands how high maintenance after the last get together her dog is..nah stand your ground in this 100%

I would imagine they would look up the regulations before travelling to that poster's country.