To ask my SIL to not bring her “therapy dog” to our family BBQ?

To avoid an irredeemable falling-out, which could blight family gatherings for years to come, could you say pooch is welcome so long as she keeps it on a lead?

Your house, your rules! She should respect that.

Im an animal lover but if someone asked me not to bring my dog to a bbq then so be it.

It is also very unfair for the minority of people who genuinly need them. Thank heavens they are not recognised in Europe or there would be thousands of entitled dog owners bringing them to places which are unsuitable and claiming damage to their mental health, lol

Equally I don't take my small child to events with dogs as he is not trusted with food or animals.

@AngelRoja there isn’t any legislation for an emotional support animal in the US. People literally buy a vest off of Amazon. However the law precludes people from being asked to prove the medical need for the animal so people over there are just bringing pets into places like Walmart with no recourse. It’s insane.

I,m a dog lover and recognise that my dog was a wonderful consolation when I lost my mother and was having a bad time, BUT she was not an emotional support dog. and I certainly didnt take her to places where it was not appropiate, like parties with food and small children or anywhere else where dogs werent welcomed. She was just a normal (well behaved) dog.

This idea of Emotional Support Dogs has become a complete nonsense. Medical support dogs are highly trained, very costly and do not misbehave in public. Emocional support dogs are only recognised in the US as far as I am aware and I am not clear what training and registration requirements there are for it being officially recognised. However having a doggy you like to take everywhere because it makes you feel better is NOT an emotional support dog, and this one is obviously nothing the kind as it is untrained.
So she will have to miss the party if she cant see common sense. I dont like dogs who are uncontrolled and steal food as visitors, especially when there are other people present. There is no reason for OP to put up with it either.

Did she come @AshNice?

Absolutely agree with this! Your mental health matters ESPECIALLY in your own home, she sounds self-absorbed and wallowing in her anxiety. I say that as someone medicated for my own extreme anxiety, it is an incredibly frustrating disorder to have but I would never expect my own mental health to be more important than anyone else's outside my own home.

A therapy dog should not be excitable. She should sit by the person, no matter what. This person is practically saying that if she is out in the street, her excitable therapy dog will run off to chase a cat, leaving her stranded. A therapy dog, like a wheelchair, is an extension of the person who uses them, s I would question whether this dog, indeed, is just a pet with a title it does not deserve.

If SIL is going to pull the victim card (i.e. saying you're disrespecting her), then I would respond very flatly that there would not be a problem in the first place if she trained the dog, and that she is actually the one being disrespectful by willfully refusing to understand. SIL's response is suspiciously unaware & completely insensitive to the chaos an untrained dog can cause. Be on your guard with that one. I have a step-daughter just like it. I wouldn't be surprised if your SIL launched a smear campaign (i.e. badmouthing when you're not around) against you with other family members after not getting her way.

Yanbu. Her decision not to come. Totally understand why you don't want her untrained pet dog to come in this instance and it's your house your rules.

I have 3 dogs and I totally agree with you!

I got my first dog after a divorce from a NPD,
he became my unofficial therapy dog. He was very calm and gentle, when people visited me he would raise his head from his sleep or resting position,
have a look at them,
then out his head back to its original position

Never did i insist that anyone should accept him or like him, i wouldn’t let him jump all over people in the park or hound them for food, which he tried often

When i was photographer at my friends wedding in Scotland i stayed at his home, i never asked if i could take me dog, i booked him in a local kennels with daily visiting rights.

I have a 520 acre Wetlands near where I live, dogs are not allowed in there, it’s a pain in the backside, but it is what it is.

Just because a person has a pet does not mean the whole world has to accept and love it, it’s your home / social gathering, so it’s your rules.

Your sister is being to self absorbed and precious.

In Australia - the quarantine regulations would be such that animals from overseas would be separated from their owners for extended periods (although the regulations for quarantine of guide dogs and registered support/therapy animals may be different).

I would imagine that any unofficial “support animals” would be subject to the same quarantine rules that other pets are - which vary depending on the country they are arriving from.

Do you honestly believe the dog will be kept on a lead for the duration? I’d say the odds of SIL following the rules are zero to nil. 😂

Most dog owners are considerate but if it comes to 'love me - love my dog'
just say sorry - not my problem - you have a duty to your other guests and kids too

Same here. My 25yr autistic son is still terrified of dogs since a dog on the beach pushed into the sand, when he was 5yrs.
The owners said the dog was just playing with him.

My son has never recovered from the experience, for quite a few years he'd run into the road to avoid one.

Thankfully, he is starting to cope with dogs on leads at a fair distance from him.

But, he no longer likes going to parks anymore, because there are too many dogs.

Anxiety?!
Who has anxiety, SIL or the dog, can’t be both, as having an anxious therapy dog makes no sense at all, or was it SIL that peed on the rug?!

Yanbu you’re sil is being ridiculous and she’s using her “mental health” to get her own way like an entitled child!
I love all animals but not everyone does and even avid pet lovers don’t want an unruly dog ruining a BBQ!
its very stressful for all when you mix kids, food and an untrained dog, tell her the dog is welcome when he’s appropriately trained and able to blend in like the human guests at a BBQ!

I'd say that the dog is more than welcome to come when it's finished it's training and behaves like a therapy dog. For example, it's not trying to snaffle food, get into bins and responds to appropriate commands such as sit, stay, lie down, heel etc

I know you’ve had plenty of replies but I had to jump in…

I have a relative like this and the dog absolutely does not help with the mental health issues. Not being able to go anywhere without your dog (when you did previously before getting the dog) isn’t an upgrade in your mental health. If someone was housebound but then got a trained and registered therapy dog and now they can go to hair appointments and Pilates then that’s fantastic. That doesn’t sound like that is the case here.

I have a dog and a toddler. I worked in animal rescue for 10 years training dogs. My dog is impeccably behaved. When we have a BBQ in our garden our dog is still locked away inside. No toddler, dog and food (and distracted adults trying to enjoy a family gathering) in the same area. Ever. No matter how well trained.

I have seen the “dog bit the child out of nowhere with no warning” situation in my previous line of work so many times and 100% of the time the situation could have been avoided.its never out of nowhere, there’s always warning and the situation could always have been avoided by not having the small kids and dog together.

@AshNice how did today go?

You can train spaniels? Never witnessed it personally.

Yep. Your 'd'h is an arse with the DH did try the whole “can’t you just compromise?” angle last night, but I pointed out that we did try that before - and it resulted in the dog nicking a cheeseburger and sticking his head in the trifle. So no, I think I’m done compromising
He'd rather his sister's badly behaved dog was loose around his toddlers than his whinge bag of a self important sister was challenged?
Not dogs fault but has he seen child injuries from dog bites?

My FIL did this too when I wouldn’t invite his terribly behaved Lab to my husbands birthday party at our house despite half the household being allergic to dogs. So he said said he wouldn’t come and I said fine 🤣 poor MIL had to rock up by herself not her fault though!