To ask my SIL to not bring her “therapy dog” to our family BBQ?

Make DH responsible for the dog? Can you section a bit of your garden off? I’ a dog owner and lover bit this dog’s behaviour is entirely inappropriate.

Im sorry but while he may help with your anxiety, until hes completed his service training, so hes less boisterous, he cant attend an event with food and toddlers.

Sorry to hear this may make you feel unable to come this time. Hopefully see you soon. And if you change your mind, the invitation remains open

I'm with the others ." Oh well see you another time then."

No is a perfectly acceptable answer even to someone who has mental health concerns. Using it mental health as a stick to manipulate you with, is abusive and not acceptable. She does not NEED to bring the dog. If she feels she does then you do not need to have her there as its not the appropriate setting for them both.

I love dogs, but if your sister’s dog is untrained and reactive to excited toddlers then she is putting her own dog in a difficult situation. If the dog is overexcited or food reactive then she is setting that dog up for failure, it could respond aggressively if it felt threatened. She obviously doesn’t supervise the poor dog if it was able to steal the sausages. She is taking the piss out of people who have gone through the process of training and working with a therapy dog. She is also taking the piss by playing ‘the mental health card’ to trying and guilt you into doing things her way. You could always play ‘The allergy card’. Touché

Yes!

How about a compromise of dog comes but has to be kept on a lead/on a mat/in a crate (if trained but it sounds like it isn't).

We have had to take our dog to a family funeral (not the actual service - I stood outside with her) last week as it was 8 hours away and our dog sitters were also going! It was also too short notice for kennels or a sitter. She went to the wake and was kept on a lead and I took a long lasting non smelly chew for her to have under the table and she was no trouble. The family wanted us there so compromised.

Following to see if you get a response.

If DH wants to compromise then he needs to be discussing with his sister how the dog would be kept away from toddlers, food and bins, at the very least. A therapy dog doesn't need to be trained to guide dog standards but it should have basic manners. Otherwise the owner is just taking the pics.

Because she HAS to bring her untrained dog everywhere?

You can’t demand your dog goes everywhere.

So basically you are deciding that your SIL isn't that important for you to compromise on having this dog around.

This is outrageous manipulation. People cannot get their own way just because they demand it.

ETA forgot to add quote.

Who's saying he's at fault? His opinion differs from OP who is looking out for the comfort of the majority of guests including children. He's wimping out of dealing with his sister who doesn't seem bothered by how her dog behaves or how that behaviour impacts the other guests. So OP deals with it. Good on the OP.

SIL can throw a dog party if she wants to socialise with her dog.

Well done for standing your ground @AshNice If she complains, remind her what happened last time she brought her dog to a BBQ (getting up on the table, eating burgers, etc.). It’s her responsibility to train her dog to behave around food and if she doesn’t do that, he can’t come.

I wouldn’t bring my dog to a BBQ either, he’s not trustworthy around food :-).

Not good for your mental health if you have to worry about an unruly dog. You’ve explained your reasoning to her. If she chooses not to come, that is her choice. I also agree with the person who suggested you ask her to take him to obedience training so he can be relied on to behave. I like dogs ( and cats) but find owners who think their pet should sit on your sofa, beg at the table etc totally insensitive and selfish. I’m also not crazy about dogs in shops and other places where hygiene is an issue either.

You’ve done the right thing - don’t let anyone guilt trip you.

Could she just keep it on a lead? Let it stretch it legs a few times under supervision once everyone has eaten.

My 2 dogs ar very well behaved and would sit quietly by my dh's feet but we wouldn't take them to a BBQ with small DC because they would be wanting to pet them and the dogs would get no peace.

This.

No absolutely not. If the dog were a therapy dog it would be trained. You are not excluding her, you are excluding an untrained dog in favour of small children playing and eating in peace.

You have to love that she weaponising both her own mental health AND the bloody dog’s. His “anxiety”.

I am a dog lover but this recent trend of people expecting to bring them absolutely everywhere drives me nuts. So unrelaxing for all. Glad you stood your ground OP.

hoorah! @PhilippaGeorgiou you are someone who has actually read the proper words!! I posted this upthread so will post it again as its what is the Equality Comissions official stance which is what is backed by UK law. www.equalityhumanrights.com/guidance/assistance-dogs-guide-businesses-and-service-providers?return-url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.equalityhumanrights.com%2Fsearch%3Fkeys%3Ddogs

Oh I thought this was the SiL coming along...

The whole concept of 'therapy animals' is just another excuse for people to brandish 'mental health' as a justification for poor behaviour. Maybe we need to tighten up on the definition of 'mental health problems'. many can be consigned to the bin of fed up, pissed off, anti-social etc and insult people who are really suffering.

My thoughts exactly.

I wouldn't dream of taking my dog along to a bbq. Madness.