They contacted my partner after I didn’t respond for 12 hours

I would find that way OTT. And also a bit cheeky implying to my partner that I wasn't coping. Is she a bit of a drama llama?

Smothering, intense ‘friend’.

What has OP said or done to leap to thinking of suicide?

My guess is that she is experiencing some PND herself and just wanted to look out for you, since her baby is slightly older and is possibly more aware of the transition through certain stages and is just trying to look out for the signs in case you need any support. However it was poorly judged and overbearing to message your DP, I think the intentions were good but the execution was poorly handled. I remember someone pulling me aside to ask me if I am OK, am I coping, do I feel like I love my baby etc because I wasn't being very social but I was just exhausted and possibly a little depressed tbh. I was put out at the time that they were asking me these things and felt judged as we aren't close but I do think the intention was good

Assuming nothing happened on the previous meet up that indicated cause for concern I’d find this very controlling.

She’s training you to reply straightaway so that she doesn’t message your partner.

I’d be busy for a long while.

I think that is highly likely, Littleluv and she has latched on to you, assigning more importance to your association than it is to you. Messaging your husband is quite bizarre and out of order, I wouldn't like that. When you see her, just be pleasant but play it cool.

She is suffocating. I would just block her number after telling her shes suffocated the friendship by being overbearing. I get fortnight of no contact but 12 HOURS?!

I'd be telling her you are absolutely fine and just busy out and about having fun with baby, friends & family, but is SHE OK? Because it's really quite the over reaction to approach someone's DH to raise potential concern just because they haven't messaged you back for a few hours?!

She needs putting back in her box.

Firmly.

I'd end the friendship. 8 think she massively overstepped. I wouldn't like to be obliged the clock and worried about what she will do if I don't reply immediately.

I think you might be overreacting. I had my baby around the same time as a friend did and if I didn't hear from her after a day or so I worried that she had hurt herself and/or her baby. Looking back now it's alarming how convinced I was that something awful had or was going to happen but I just went so mental post-partum.

If the friendship is otherwise fine I would just move past it.

For a first time ‘offence’ I’d be OK with it. Maybe she’s just concerned about you? Maybe…she’s just a nice person 🤷‍♀️

If it gets too much then obviously say something though.

She's really entitled and overbearing.

To contact your partner after you haven't responded in only 12 hours is unreasonable, but to insinuate you're not coping is what takes it into very weird territory. Who does she think she is?

You're being smart to back off, she is smothering and entitled.

I dont see anything wrong. She may be worried about pnd or suicide etc and wanted to ensure you was ok. Good friend.

I think it depends on the length and closeness of the friendship and previous pattern of responding to texts but even if the delayed response was unusual I would still have sent a follow up message to check you were OK. Texting your partner is OTT and far too intrusive after just 12 hours.

You could be honest and tell her that if you don't respond promptly it just means you are busy and you would prefer it if she did not message your partner to pressure a response from you. If you are not too bothered about continuing the friendship and she takes offence then you have lost nothing but she may apologise making it possible to reset and continue being friends.

🤣 Think I’d message and ask her not to contact your partner, that’s frankly a bit off. You have a very young baby, I’ve literally sent a friend in the same situation best wishes/congratulations and asked if she’s ok then left it to her to contact me if she needs anything.

I have come across this behaviour with three different people in my life and they all turned out to be very problematic. On closer inspection, this wasn't their only red flag. So I have become very careful as soon as I encounter anything like it.

YANBU. She does sound a bit much. I'd certainly be wary after that.

Asking if you have changed your phone number is insane! I find this kind of behaviour really irritating and it would put me off contacting her.

I agree it’s a bit intense but I think perhaps you are being over-sensitive if that’s the only example of her being OTT. Maybe she felt (rightly or wrongly) that you were under a lot of pressure, perhaps suffering from PND, and was concerned about you. Just tell her you don’t always reply to texts quickly so not to worry in future.

Whether you want to be friendly with her because you dislike her partner is a completely separate issue.

I’d get your partner to reply ‘yeah she’s doing really well, she often tosses her phone to one side because she’s such a good mother focussing on our child instead of outside interference, so I’m sure she’ll get back to you at some point if she wants to’.

I would send them a message backing off (and then block if possible). They aren’t being helpful.

I think this comes from a good place but is quite full on. I’d get dh to reply “op is doing a fantastic job adjusting to being a mum. She’s just been really busy and can’t always respond to messages straight away. I’m sure she’ll be in touch when she’s got some free time. Hope you well”

There is messaging your husband but then there is insinuating you aren’t coping in that message. I’d be fuming quite frankly and would definitely be taking a step back

YANBU, wonder if she herself is actually in a really bad place when one minute feels like a day and she needs something in the diary to look forward to. The message is odd.