They contacted my partner after I didn’t respond for 12 hours

Woah!!! 😆

I'd end the friendship. I'd be furious. Send a text:

Your recent messages to my partner and your comments about my parenting were completely unacceptable. You have overstepped a boundary, and because of this, our friendship is over. Do not contact either of us again.

That’s wildly inappropriate of her. I would just stop making plans with her.

What did your partner reply?

7 times in 2 years is not a little time. Does she think she has a deeper/closer relationship with you & your partner than what you think the relationship is?

Even though, I do think she's a bit much. I would be rapidly cooling off this friendship.

If she seems otherwise quite nice and normal then maybe this is a manifestation of her own post partum anxiety? I was madder than a bag of bees for at least six months after my first DC arrived. Really grateful for friends who gave me the benefit of the doubt when I was being odd (a low point was sobbing at a girls dinner because I was concerned the curry my parents were having for supper while baby sitting might overpower the smell of carefully chosen lavender ‘sleep scent’ I used in his bedroom..)

This is really intrusive and crosses a line for me. I wouldn't see this person again and would tell them why

Yanbu that's way too overbearing. If she'd done this after 12 days then I'd find it somewhat reasonable for her to do but 12 hours? Absolutely not.

This is weird as fuck and quite creepy, I would let her know I thought that. She sounds like a fantasist and nebby busyboddy. I have never messaged a friends partner, I don’t have their numbers.

Hi CF,

DP told me you messaged him asking if everything was alright with me because I didn’t reply to you in a specific timeframe. I am fine but thanks for your concern and apologies for the late reply. DC and I have been enjoying a day out with my family. I tend not to check my phone when I’m out with company as I find it rude. I normally catch up on my messages once baby is asleep on an evening.

I have a pretty jam packed week next week but will let you know if I’m free any day.

Take care,

Then do not meet her again if you don’t want to. I would be avoiding her.

I'd guess she.either has some extreme anxiety/paranoia herself, or (and I sense this may be the more likely one) is calling out what she perceives to be a rude non-response on your part with faux-concern for your state of mind.

OP would I be right in thinking that your partner didn’t respond to the message quite how you’d have liked him to? Ie he took it very seriously and conveyed an existing worry to you? Or did he shrug it off as nonsense?

Hmm. I would avoid developing this friendship into something I'd regret.

It's not a genuine concern it's bullsh*t.
Reminds me of a friend (more like acquaintance) of mine whom I also met only a handful times. She was giving some weird vibes too, so I didn't keep much in touch. MONTHS had passed since our last communication - last message being sent by me, she was the one who didn't respond. Out of the blue she texts and asks how I am and after the children. I don't respond (yet) and the very next day get a PHONE CALL, followed by another text "I'm really worried now that something has happened to you and the children". That gave me a seriously off vibe and I blocked her. I really cannot be dealing with this type of people.

It's a bit strange but the combination of post-natal anxiety and sleepless nights is something that can drive people into being really sensitive about social rejection/health. She may be struggling herself and projecting that onto you. If she's a good friend, have a conversation about it.

Wide berth required OP, she’s far too intense and entitled for my liking and these sort of people only get worse. Her messaging your DP is crackers!

I’d also find this extremely weird - she’s not a very close friend, 12 hours isn’t very long at all, and messaging your partner to request an explanation for the delay is bonkers. It’s a bit like something a concerned boss might do if you suddenly failed to turn up to work, so I agree with you that she’s taken a very odd, almost panicked approach which comes across as a bit needy. Personally, I would tell her that you were simply busy and that you will reply to messages when you get a suitable moment to do so. I’d also tell her that you and your partner were a bit taken aback by the concerned tone in the message asking about you ‘coping’ and ‘adjusting’ as she’s clearly read into things and seeing problems which aren’t actually there. And then I’d keep my distance!

Not for shit stirrers I don’t.

You very much need to step completely away from this friendship. Even if she meant well, which she most likely did, her way of interacting is NOT compatible with yours (she’s wound me up too!).

Honestly, just because you both have same aged babies, doesn’t mean you need to be best buddies.

Recall a similar relationship when I had a new born, and wish I’d cut ties muuuuch sooner than I did. She made me second guess almost all of my actions, even the health of my baby, and cast a small dark shadow over the period. In her case, her narrative was basically everything she did was supersonic new age… and anything that wavered from her line was Bad and Dangerous. so e.g. only cloth nappies, no plastic toys, we both breastfed, but had I formula-fed she’d no doubt have made me feel dreadful for bottle feeding.

She used to lecture endlessly. I liked some, if not all of what she stood for, it was the STYLE of her interaction that didn’t work. She wasn’t empathetic or actually very friendly / thoughtful at all. Your scenario reminds me of this, even if a different example. wtf is she contacting your partner, and after 12 hours?! Good for you for not being glued to your phone, also!

So yes, detach totally, or give her another chance, and if she repeats this sort of annoying behaviour then let that be the end of it all. That all said, if she was great in every other way, you’d probs overlook this, so Im guessing she’s irritating in other ways too!

I would guess she's feeling wobbly and needy and is projecting how she feels on to you.

She really overstepped the mark. As you say, if she had a genuine concern, why not call you or text again to see if you were ok? I’d be backing away from this friendship now before she becomes unbearable and starts behaving like a total limpet.

That would definitely put me off someone.
I would not respond and ask dh to not respond either.

If it was someone you spoke to most days who didn’t receive a response in 12 hours then it would be normal / not inconceivable that they might worry something was wrong - for example a partner, parent, best friend.

In this instance is bizarre and I would message her and say she had no right to do this. You don’t need to explain why you didn’t respond if you don’t want to. But I think I would point out that you did not reply immediately because it wasn’t a priority. I would take a step back, she sounds like hard work.

This would be a no from me.

12 hours is no time for a text to go unanswered.

People are so certain that she's worried about the OP. And maybe she is. But that's not a normal level of worry between two people who aren't even close friends. To escalate it by contacting the OP's husband is way off. Maybe another text to the OP - that's caring.

It's not to do with caring, anyway. She was catastrophizing. I'd say she might have a bit of PND herself, or at any rate is a person too intense for most British mum friendships.

They sound completely fucking nuts to me.