They contacted my partner after I didn’t respond for 12 hours

FiestyGemini · 04/08/2025 07:56

Could it be a cry for help, she wished someone can check up on her as her baby is quite young. Try being honest and tell her you didn't appreciate the call, if she doesn't know she will do it again. Then ask her if everything is OK....unless you don't care.

MyTwinklyPanda · 04/08/2025 04:50

Congratulations on new baby x. drop them a casual message to say you've been busy with family life and that you aren't one for checking your phone regularly. Make arrangements with them for a few weeks time and see how they behave. Babies are all consuming and it sounds like you're very much in love.

llizzie · 04/08/2025 00:47

Littleluv · 31/07/2025 15:49

This includes times when we were with other people and bumped into them. I have met up with her alone twice and my partner and her partner twice. Three times with other people/randomly saw them.

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Do you know if she has many friends and acquaintances? If she doesn't or if she is left alone and cannot contact people at work, she may just be at home with her mobile phone, wanting to use it, and you are as good as anyone, because you are a mum too.

She has no right to inquire of others about you just because you didn't phone her back right away.

Even close relatives cannot be told where someone is if that person doesn't want them to know.

Can you get someone to help you compose a message to her that will settle the matter and stop her pursuing you?

JackGrealishsBobbySocks · 03/08/2025 21:25

Totally insane and intrusive. My husband hates receiving any kind of message from any of my friends. He barely has time to keep up with his own.

daleylama · 03/08/2025 21:19

Littleluv · 02/08/2025 20:37

I said 7 times in the space of 2 years but yeah it’s not been a close friendship.
Her partner kept messaging my other half (played golf together a couple times again over the space of years) I wasn’t really wanting to go as the previous meeting he had been extremely obnoxious/bitchy/negative just general very bad vibes but we went for an hour.

It was fine but I did feel she was clinging to anything I said that was at all relating to my baby being difficult or just motherhood but for example this was relating to my baby having a baby acne breakout and I was hoping it would get better soon as I was sad to see my baby with spots lol… I also said it can be hard to get out in the mornings as again baby was colicky. That was it! She did also ask some pointed questions about my partner and I’s relationship and his involvement in baby’s care which was pretty odd.

'She did also ask some pointed questions about my partner and I’s relationship and his involvement in baby’s care'. Bin time.. don't think twice about it.

BCBird · 03/08/2025 21:05

ladyofshertonabbas · 31/07/2025 11:31

YANBU, wonder if she herself is actually in a really bad place when one minute feels like a day and she needs something in the diary to look forward to. The message is odd.

This was my thought too.

YB1985 · 03/08/2025 21:02

I take days to reply sometimes!!
I have a friend a bit like this...if I dont reply to her within a few hours she deletes the messages.
I do find her too much, but also after a while realised its because she was the one struggling with her baby and needed someone there, or sometimes just needed to KNOW someone was there.

a few times she asked if she could come for dinner n I said OK, then she would cancel last minute saying she was tired but was happy to know the option was there. (annoying but I guess i kinda get it as she had no family near by)

Bluedenimdoglover · 03/08/2025 20:43

Just send her a message saying sorry for the late reply, but you're ok and she's not to worry when you don't respond promptly because you don't live attached to the phone. Remind her she's not to contact your partner about you. If she's overbearing you have to set her straight from the outset.

Robyn96 · 03/08/2025 20:07

I've had friends like this and trust me you don't want them 👀

Notanartist81 · 03/08/2025 06:21

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Original poster

Littleluv · 02/08/2025 20:37

I said 7 times in the space of 2 years but yeah it’s not been a close friendship.
Her partner kept messaging my other half (played golf together a couple times again over the space of years) I wasn’t really wanting to go as the previous meeting he had been extremely obnoxious/bitchy/negative just general very bad vibes but we went for an hour.

It was fine but I did feel she was clinging to anything I said that was at all relating to my baby being difficult or just motherhood but for example this was relating to my baby having a baby acne breakout and I was hoping it would get better soon as I was sad to see my baby with spots lol… I also said it can be hard to get out in the mornings as again baby was colicky. That was it! She did also ask some pointed questions about my partner and I’s relationship and his involvement in baby’s care which was pretty odd.

OP posts:

welshpolarbear · 02/08/2025 15:55

I feel you op, i has a friend recently who was over the top with texts, and because I wasn’t fast to respond she then send, “I’m worried about you, hope you’re ok” all the time.

It’s sad as it made me step away, but it was just too much. I’d told her plenty of times there was nothing wrong, just busy.

Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 15:39

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Original poster

Littleluv · 02/08/2025 15:39

noidea69 · 31/07/2025 11:30

oh come on, how has someone not suggested husband & friend are having an affair yet, this place isnt what it used to be.

Yeah there is zero risk of that haha…

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WhereIsMyJumper · 02/08/2025 14:43

Littleluv · 02/08/2025 12:54

she didn’t check in on me she checked in with my other half… I kind of just feel she was the trying to make a point like others said with the odd asking if I had changed my number. If you are worried about another mum you would call them directly…

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Precisely, it was a strange way to act. She maybe acting this way out of anxiety herself but that’s not your problem. She needs to learn to manage that anxiety and not think it’s ok to contact your partner after not hearing from you!

Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 14:21

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Hopingtobeaparent · 02/08/2025 14:16

noidea69 · 31/07/2025 11:30

oh come on, how has someone not suggested husband & friend are having an affair yet, this place isnt what it used to be.

😂

Hopingtobeaparent · 02/08/2025 14:14

NewNewForest · 31/07/2025 11:14

OMG keep an eye on your bunny 🥴

This! 😂

Jellybean23 · 02/08/2025 13:28

She's going to be trouble. Ask your husband to block her on his phone, I'm sure he'll be glad to.
A person like this is smothering. She might suffer from anxiety. Tell her you're not on your phone every five minutes so she shouldn't expect speedy replies from you and husband didn't appreciate being contacted.

ScartlettSole · 02/08/2025 13:02

Littleluv · 02/08/2025 12:54

she didn’t check in on me she checked in with my other half… I kind of just feel she was the trying to make a point like others said with the odd asking if I had changed my number. If you are worried about another mum you would call them directly…

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You would. Or if your not coping well yourself then maybe not thinking straight? Maybe worried about stressing you out double texting?

Im maybe giving her too much benefit of the doubt. I would speak to her about it though and then see what you think based on her response.

Original poster

Littleluv · 02/08/2025 12:54

ScartlettSole · 02/08/2025 10:33

Its over the top because you say you are ok. But people really cannot win. I see it as a kind thing to check in on a new mum because god forbid you were actually in depths of despair. Theres no harm done, you were/are ok.
Maybe she isn't coping and has some sort of post natal anxiety?
Just speak to her about it?

she didn’t check in on me she checked in with my other half… I kind of just feel she was the trying to make a point like others said with the odd asking if I had changed my number. If you are worried about another mum you would call them directly…

OP posts:

ScartlettSole · 02/08/2025 10:33

Its over the top because you say you are ok. But people really cannot win. I see it as a kind thing to check in on a new mum because god forbid you were actually in depths of despair. Theres no harm done, you were/are ok.
Maybe she isn't coping and has some sort of post natal anxiety?
Just speak to her about it?

llizzie · 02/08/2025 00:05

Littleluv · 31/07/2025 11:04

I have a 7 week old baby this person also has a 12 week old baby. We hung out for a walk on the Sunday and the next Friday she texts me in the morning about doing something the next week due to my baby being fussy and being busy with family plans I did not respond and my partner received a text from them at 9pm (12 hours later) asking if I’d changed my number, if I was “coping” and if I was struggling with the “adjustment to motherhood” due to my non-reply… I was pretty shocked she took to messaging him at all let alone when only 12 hours had passed and also as a new mother I don’t take it personally if there is any delay from others because I know babies are a handful and time often passes or you don’t get a chance to respond. Also I am actually coping really well I am just not glued to my phone all the time as I like to spend time doing things with my little one. I really don’t think I want to be friends with this person anymore as I find this extremely overbearing, in addition their partner says bad things about literally everyone. Thoughts on this and how you would feel?

Perhaps because her baby is older by a few weeks she thinks she knows it all and is offering advice to you as a new mum.

There again, she might be very lonely and have no one near her to turn to, and having met you, feels she has a helpmeet.

You have to get together again and talk about why she wants to be friends.

HevenlyMeS · 01/08/2025 22:41

Completely concur with you, in concerns with, why didn't she just send a follow up message, if she were sincerely concerned
Makes much more sense to have chosen to do so
However, it seems more like, this so called friend, was unnecessarily feeling rejected, so chose to stir some trouble instead 💚😥
Not at all nice