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AIBU?

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Original poster

I feel terrible for even saying this but…

130 replies

schoolie258 · 31/07/2025 10:05

I’m embarrassed to go out with my disabled child. She is autistic. Diagnosed. She’s only 4 but she stims constantly, she’s non verbal but very vocal.
I don’t want to feel this way but I just feel like I hate taking her out anywhere because she’s a handful and people stare and look at her.
how do you get over this? Or deal with the extra attention when going somewhere with a special needs child?
I feel like she’s missing out on a lot of things already because she doesn’t like busy places or playgroup type environments. It’s too busy and loud for her so ends up in disaster and we leave as she’s crying and becoming distressed.
of course it’s not her fault and I love her dearly but I do struggle with public outings. She is still in a buggy because she refuses to walk so people stare and I’ve heard comments of people passing saying “bit big for a buggy isn’t she?”

Why can’t people just mind their business

OP posts:
Thingyfanding · 31/07/2025 10:14

If I ever see anyone out with an autistic child making noise, I just think ‘they have an autistic child’ and not really much else enters my head.
People who stare are perhaps ignorant to autism or might be autistic themselves, perhaps just curious where the noise is coming from. Children stare because they don’t understand or curious. I would let go of the embarrassment, it serves no purpose and will only hold you all back. You have nothing to be embarrassed about - you have as much right to enjoy yourselves as anyone else does. It would be different if your child could stop themselves from stimming but chooses not to but this isn’t the case. It cannot be helped so you have to carry on regardless and let people think whatever they like.
I might look over if I hear a loud noise or screaming but as soon as I’ve worked out what is happening, nothing more enters my head. Just tell yourself that everyone is like that - because you cannot control what people think about you - but you can control what you think they’re thinking about you!

Riversidegirl · 31/07/2025 10:13

I bet it’s exhausting for you. Besides the fact that your daughter is stimming and people don’t understand, you are trying to take care of what other people think too. DON’T!! Educate them instead. Take your daughter out to where she is comfortable for now; otherwise her’s and your world will get smaller and smaller. Contact a local autism group for support and meet ups with more understanding people. You are a LEGEND and don’t forget it!!!

FionnulaTheCooler · 31/07/2025 10:09

Have you looked for any autism groups in your area that will have activity sessions etc for your daughter where you will also get support from other parents who will totally understand and not judge? In terms of having to go out in public spaces use the buggy and get some ear defenders for your daughter or let her use a tablet with headphones to block out the noise she finds distressing and just ignore any comments.

ddfd21 · 31/07/2025 10:09

I would only ever go on very short journeys build it up slowly and get rid of the buggy
do you not have a park at the end of the road? I think most places have got a park within walking distance. I would go at really quiet times. I’ve been to the park at 5 am before now as the sun rises. If that’s what you gotta do that’s what you gotta do.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 31/07/2025 10:08

It does sound difficult for you. I know one child who sounds very similar and she wears a sunflower lanyard to let other people know that she has autism. When people know then they tend to be a lot more forgiving than when then think it's a NT child being a royal pain, so could you do something like this? Most people are very good at understanding when they are aware.