Aibu to end relationship because they have said they will never go on holiday with my DC again?

There's a very fine line between parenting and 'adulting' an older child or teen. I wouldn't let DS's friends do and say whatever they want in my house so I do hold boundaries, even though I don't see this as 'parenting'. Is your dp trying to parent your younger child or is he just holding boundaries?

With your older DD the reacting to her rudeness is not on. If this were one of DS's friends, I would say 'that was rude, do you not like x? I thought you would' I'd then expect them to say something conciliatory and acknowledge their rudeness and if they do I'd probably have apologised for not consulting first. That to me is the right balance of not letting them be rude or disrespectful.

If you don't think your dp can manage to change his approach then yes, I think you are right that there is unlikely a future for you together.

You lot are absolutely off your rocker

Your daughter was extremely rude and ungrateful to your partner, a good parent would teach their daughter some manners and make her apologise for her attitude and ungratefulness. You’re not doing her any favours enabling her to behave in such an atrocious fashion with no consequences

Poor partner, having to put up with that. I’m sure it’s no wonder he would rather go on holiday solo or with mates or as a couple than be treated like that, no doubt he paid for it too

This ridiculous gentle parenting has gone too far and is the root cause of many of societies ills. This behaviour from your daughter would not have flown in the 90s or better yet the 70s and frankly the world was a better place

If you are cruel enough to end the relationship over this you will probably resent your daughter forever, and what other man would put up with such a situation

Also if the genders were reversed - a teenage son acting like that to a female step mum I bet the reactions on here would be different. You need to take a long hard look at yourselves

She was acting like a normal teenager and he reacted like a child.
I can’t stand adults over reacting when children/teenages act the age they are.

Best of luck for the next 3 days.
You are a fantastic parent, well done on having firm boundaries while raising your fabulous DC.

It's completely untenable. It has to be over. I can't believe you've let it go this far tbh.

Basically he resents your kids and sees them as an inconvenience to be put up with if he wants your company, not a valued addition to his life. He wants to occupy a position where he gets to cast judgement from the sidelines, voice his displeasure, discipline them etc, but doesn't want to create an actual relationship with them that has any warmth or mutual respect and love. How does that look going forward? You have a life that's split in two. You have a life with your partner who wants to pretend you aren't also a mother, and then a separate life where you have adult children, possibly grandchildren etc who don't want his involvement and with whom he does not want to be involved. It sounds utterly miserable. And tbh if my mum chose a man like that, I'd take it quite personally and it would affect our relationship.

Also, and I appreciate this may not be a universal opinion, it is extremely important to me that my children continue to see my house as their home. I want them to always feel they are welcome and can visit and stay whenever they want or need to. That it's a safe base for them. This would not be possible for your children because your partner would not be willing to allow them to stay and would very much not see it as their home.

Definitely end it. The DC are more mature than the sulking man with no patience.

I think this sounds a good plan! His response to dd was out of order. And his lack of realisation today that he’s ff-ed up would be another nail in his coffin to me.
A relationship with someone with low emotional intelligence and empathy just isn’t worth it. Add kids into mix and deffo deal breaker.
I would tell him to back off parenting but otherwise just get through holiday, back home and split up.
Best of luck you sound very sensible and your parenting sounds absolutely fine - it’s him

He’s not interested in your kids. Fact. Get rid

I don’t think your daughter was rude. I think it’s important for children and teenagers to feel safe to express their discontent. If these were snacks for everyone then a normal person would ask others what snacks they wanted. It’s basic manners.

I don’t like how your boyfriend has been disciplining your youngest child. Your boyfriend sounds like a bully.

Please don't move this man into your children's home.

Posters decrying a teenager complaining to their mum they don’t like the snacks instead of focusing on the grown adult man, attempting to parent them straight off the bat on their first trip together, losing his shit and swearing over it

Guess who’s blamed and should be taught to be nicer and more grateful

I have Similar step father stories, men like them just don't like us and see us as a nuisance and a bother!

Do not move in with this man, he’s not cut out to be in a blended family, prioritise your children

@Kate8889 so glad you’re out of both situations, but awful you’ve had to go through that.

You are clearly switched on - not blending families when it's clear that's not in the kids best interests. Trust yourself with this one too - he has over reacted hugely and is a clear indication that he will not tolerate your kids ( very normal ) behaviour. Don't do it to yourself or your daughter

That wasn't not nearly the worst thing he's done, but definitely one that I took personally. My mom's current husband isn't much better, but thankfully I don't live with her anymore so interaction is minimal and cordial.

Two thoughts, yes he was way out of line swearing and yes he should leave the parenting to the parent.....however he may also have a point about your daughters and its possible that his status as an outsider to the family allows him to see things you can't easily see as their mother. But I'm from another country originally and am often amazed by the behaviour UK parents shrug off, so I may not be unbiased! Either way holidays rarely bring out the best in children / teens IME so I'd avoid holidaying together.

@Gwenhwyfar completely misses the whole point and context, as usual.

"I don’t think you should be letting your male partner tell your children off. They have a father."

I would tell off any small child I was travelling with if they were misbehaving or doing something dangerous and if their parent wasn't close enough to intervene. That's not the same as 'parenting'.

@Kate8889

omg I’m so sorry that is disgusting and it will have left a lasting mark on you, his aggressive ‘teaching you a lesson’

I still remember when I left the light on in my room a few times even after being reminded and so my then stepdad took all the lightbulbs out of my room for 6 months. Please don't let him move in

OP I’ll give it to you straight no matter the fawning over an ill tempered horrible man.

Not only is he intolerant of your girls being normal teenagers, he dislikes them, they irritate him to the point he loses his temper over snacks - he is probably jealous and resentful of them thus he feels the need to step in and try ‘parent’ them. Can you even LIKE a man who sees your daughters this way?

this isn’t just about holidays. See the bigger picture. Holidays are a couple of weeks a year on average. He doesn’t like your children, and a holiday should be an example of what it would be like to live together.
your children won’t be young forever , but you need to find a man with his own so maybe he is more prepared what to expect from them.

I wouldn't even consider continuing a relationship with this man. I also wouldn't 'let it slide' when he overstepped the mark with my children.

@Newmum738

”he’s hurting” over the DC whingeing about snacks he bought? Give over. Stop excusing that behaviour at flying off the handle and swearing and insulting this posters young teen daughters. You need help if you think he’s the one ‘hurting’ and entitled to lash out.