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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel sad about 10 years celibate

109 replies

TheGoldFox · 30/07/2025 23:36

I have been single and celibate since I was 28, I’m not far off 40 now and I feel sad at the prospect of reaching 40 and being celibate for over 10 years, maybe I’m being silly, I have children now so I know life is just suppose to revolve around them. Has anyone spent a long time celibate? Especially people in their 30s? Is it normal to feel sad or Aibu?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 31/07/2025 15:04

I know life is just suppose to revolve around them

Not necessarily....your children should be your priority of course but you are also entitled to have a life.

LlynTegid · 31/07/2025 15:01

Whilst it is something you feel pain about and it should be acknowledged, the small positive is that you have not had the kind of man who sees you as a quick route to sex and is in every respect an unsuitable life partner.

Saltandpepperlife · 31/07/2025 14:48

I’m heading for 40 at the end of the year and have been celibate since 23 so 17 years.
i have concentrated on being a single mother and work etc for years.
Personally think it’s now got to the stage where I have been on my own for so long that I’m not interested in having a man in my life again.

Original poster
TheGoldFox · 31/07/2025 14:18

Thank you, well I have to say it wasn’t intentionally really! I can’t even believe its been 10 years just more not had a choice about it.

OP posts:
Hsmith11 · 31/07/2025 00:06

It’s totally normal to feel sad OP! Gosh you’ve sacrificed a whole lot! Being a mother is the best thing but honestly you need to give yourself a break and remember you’re your own person too! I currently have 3 kids and yes life is major busy but I don’t think I could ever go a decade without some type of personal companionship! Then again it depends on your own values, religious beliefs etc Hope you get to find your peace but bravo for showing such commitment to your children!

Original poster
TheGoldFox · 30/07/2025 23:54

I don’t get child free time hence people telling me to concentrate on my kids which is fair enough but I didn’t envisage id be living the life of a nun in my 30s just wondered if anyone had been through the same or could relate rather than advice on dating etc

OP posts:
Athreedoorwardrobe · 30/07/2025 23:50

You don't have to give up all sex life to concentrate on your kids!
I think people mean you shouldn't have a revolving door of partners around your children, or ignore your children's needs in order to go out and get laid.
They don't mean you need to stay celibate until your kids leave home!
Do you have any help with childcare at all? Are the kids old enough to have a baby sitter?
Go on some dates! Join a group where you might meet people!

Original poster
TheGoldFox · 30/07/2025 23:45

I’ve been told by people before that I should concentrate on my children.

OP posts:
LockdownLisa · 30/07/2025 23:41

I'm not sure why you think your life is just supposed to revolve around your children? Obviously they'll be your main focus but you are allowed a life outside of them. Would you like a relationship or just sex?

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