Grandchildren not treated equally

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g
Thank you for explaining, I was not aware of that.

I think this, OP.

I think DH’s silence towards his mother needs to be challenged. If he won’t, maybe you should? And obviously you’re not doing it in a demanding more money kind of way, but pointing out the hurt of her blatant favouritism and how that’s shitty and yes, causes divide.

Yes, I would be taking that message loud and clear, and be reviewing the level of involvement with, and support for, her moving forwards.

The kids will find out, surely, they’d talk, no? I’d be tempted to out her to the kids and discuss the behaviour, using it as a learning opportunity. They are adults after all, they surely know unfairness happens, I think they should know who it’s coming from in the family! Let them decide what they do with that info!

Sure, grandma can do what she wants, but perfectly valid to be hurt by this on their behalf.

Like to say, she’s got form… 🤷‍♀️

I'm not surprised you are not happy, but it's MIL's money so you have no real leverage to complain- not being open about the amounts should have given you the heads up it wasn't going to be equal. I wouldn't complain too loud as she could level it up when your children are older, but I wouldn't count on it.

You can do what you like with your own money. However, if the MIL needs care later and her house proceeds and savings run out, I believe the local authority becomes liable and can then look into her finances to see if the family took funds that would otherwise have been funding her care. Don't know how far back they can go and whether they can reclaim it.

Totally understand. My MIL had her favourites among my children, it was obvious, and I wasn't standing for that. She became grandma we never see.

Possibly, but we live within easy visiting range but my DM’s blatant favouritism and games of favourites has family alienated us from her. We do see her but not as much as we would have done had her games and favouritism not been so blatant that it succeeded in drawing a wedge between us.

Grandparents can have many grandchildren and the relationships within the family will differ. It’s not a given that grandchildren should be treated equally. The OP’s children were quite happy with their £5,000. Just a shame the relative is a shit-stirrer here.

I can see two sides to this, but I do understand that sometimes relationships aren't equal. First, it is unacceptable to treat grandchildren differently. I did take a stand when my MIL did this sort of thing, though it was between young minor siblings the inequality existed, and it was glaring.

On the other hand, my mother complains that I wasn't given the same treatment as the 'other set of grandchildren' by my grandmother. I disagree with my mother that this is unfair. My parents moved far away from my grandmother. The 'other grandchildren' had a relationship where they saw her every week, more than once, and yes, she did buy them computers and things, while we got nothing. I met her twice in my life. I'm sure if I'd had the chance to have the same relationship with my grandmother, I'd have got more equal treatment. As it was, there was really no involvement, so I think it's not reasonable to expect things to be equal materially.

So maybe it depends on the relationship, OP?

Money so often causes problems in families. After my MIL died and my husband along with his brother were executors of the will and sorted all the financial stuff we found she had given her dgs from his brother's family £30,000 towards his house purchase. Our DD got £1000 as she just purchased a property not long before she died and our Ds in his 30s nothing, as he hadn't yet bought a property. The other DGC 3 others in his brother's family had received up to £10,000 each. I found it quite unfair. They were always the favoured ones particularly the first DGS and saw her more as lived nearer. They all got £5000 from the will, but there had been many gifts before.

As this poster says, it’s perfectly legal. If the person giving the money dies within 7 years then there could be IHT payable (or it could mean that more IHT is payable on the rest of the estate) but that’s the only implication for the person giving it

Yes it is legal . You need to survive 7 years for no tax to be payable

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · Today 19:38
"Only a possible issue for IHT, and even then only an issue if the person giving the gift dies within 7 years".
So, regarding your comment, are you confirming that it is legal to do this whilst the mil is alive (or anyone else intending to do this)? I have read similar on Gransnet in the past but was never sure that this was legal with HMRC.

Thank you

I can foresee my MIL doing this. She favours one GC out of her four GC. and is very obvious in doing so. I am 99% sure she'll do similar with money. It's awful OP but with my MIL, she just creates plausible deniability so if you call her out then she is the victim and it creates a ton of drama. We just don't see them much at all.

O come on, it is a reasonable 10% of a minimum deposit anywhere- people are being very snide about this sum of money - maybe the others didn't actually get very much more, just view it differently

Only a possible issue for IHT, and even then only an issue if the person giving the gift dies within 7 years.

I didnt know that you could share £350K with members of the family without it impacting on tax issues with HMRC. I thought the only amount for one year only to any one person was £3K. (£5K to contribute to weddings, £250 for a single gift, but sharing £350K is new to me). There are other stipulations too but wondered how the mil could do this whilst she is alive!

You can get a 2 bed terrace for around 100k where I am, less if you are up for completely refurbishing it.

If she dies within the next seven years it will all need to be declared by the executors for IHT….

Tbh - her money to do what she likes with. Not yours, not your children’s. Yes it’s unfair in some absolute sense, but people show their colours when it comes to money and it’s not worth fretting about.

Where?

I don't think you should say anything. It's unfair but ultimately it's her money to do with as she likes. She didn't have to give it away, so anything is a bonus and £5k is not an insignificant sum.

This is simply awful behaviour from your MIL. Obviously you need to get the full facts, and hear her side of the story, but it’s a potential NC situation.

(And the people who say you should be happy with the £5k are complete idiots, that’s not the point. How would they feel if they were doing exactly the same job as the person sitting next to them but were getting paid a fraction, same thing).

No point in letting it bother you if you can't be arsed to find out the truth......

You've hit the nail on the head yourself, she's obviously wanting to keep up with the other GP's. It's not a favouritism thing at all, but a keeping-up-with-the-Jones's thing. Annoying and unfair all the same

@Dutchhouse14 well I think in your position, you should be approaching mil and ask her why she differentiated between your kids and the other grandkids!! call her out!! dont let her away with it. if she washes over it then block and dont visit again. karma dictates that you wont be doing any care for her when she needs it!!