MIL stole my thunder

YANBU. It is nobody's business to break the news about a new baby's arrival but the parents. And, come to think of it, other news about the pregnancy. I might be a bit sensitive to this because I've just been told (by my DD) that she's pregnant with her first baby but she hasn't told any of the rest of the family yet (it's very early days and she HAD to tell her inlaws so told me at the same time). So I am sitting on the news which I know is going to absolutely DELIGHT everyone else, and I can't tell anyone. Because it's her news. Even though I know I could spill it and just ask them not to tell her that they already knew, that would be twattish behaviour because it's her news, not mine.

My MIL arrived at the unit straight after my eldest was born and tried to get in but I was really unwell BP was 49/17 and I was on oxygen and they were pumping fluids into me. She told the midwife or doctor she spoke to I was making it up so she couldn't see her grandson. She then went outside where my mum and dad were waiting and told them the baby was fine but I was being awkward and needing oxygen. I can only imagine what my mum said and how much dad reacted.

Couple of things here and they’re not really to do with the news that your MIL delivered.

Firstly, have you been able to put these feelings of being under appreciated by your parent to rest? Do you recognise your talents and worth?

Secondly is it possible that MIL took this role because she cared and was proud of you with all you’d been through and wanted to alter your parents to the difficult birth so they could support you?

If I was your parents I would have pretended I didn’t know and let you have your moment. I have done this so many times with friends - about issues so much less important than the birth of a baby.

Ha, my MIL was generally lovely, but one fuck-up early on kind of niggled at all the good bits. She asked me to choose my 'wedding china' so she could give it to me as presents throughout my life (a gravy jug here, a set of cake plates there). Lovely. I chose a timeless and classic design, but on first gifting it was a completely different set. Oh, says she, I didn't like your choice, I thought this set was much nicer...
Hence, I was doomed to a lifetime of ugly crockery. Shame it has proved to be quite fragile over the years....

Maybe she told them to put their minds at rest that you and the baby were ok. If someone I loved was giving birth I'd want to know as soon as possible that everything was ok so I could stop worrying.

I feel your pain, my daughter is 29 now and I still seethe remembering when MIL took her aged 10 months for a 'walk around the block' in her pushchair. They returned an hour later with her wearing her first pair of shoes- she knew I had been looking forward to buying her first pair. It's making me tear up now!

My SIL sort of did that to me, but your story is much worse. She posted ‘Congrats on the birth of your daughter (etc)’ on my Facebook wall before I was even out of the hospital. This was 14 years ago when people were still active on FB. All my close friends saw it and started texting me etc. I was so pissed off. So yes, your feelings are valid. It’s your baby, you are the one who should share the news!!

Woooossh

This is different (a little )
Did you and dh not agree on telling people ?
Didn’t you ask mil why she felt the need to call your mum . I’d also have told her straight it was your place to do so and def not hers .

But you haven’t responded to posters querying the much larger issue here - namely, how you feel about yourself.

• Do you/did you get on well with your parents?
• Were they good, kind parents to you?
• Did they make you feel inadequate?
• Do you have high-achieving siblings?
• Were you a good, kind daughter to them?

@vivazeboo what an absolute bitch .
Id still be fuming too tbh I’d never have spoken to her again. So I don’t blame you .

It sounds like she was very excited and wanted to share the news. To be honest, OP nobody cares in these situations who tells them, they just want to know everyone is safe and sound. Maybe your DM was disappointed not to be the first one to know but if she hasn’t said so I would let it go. Belated congrats on your (not very new) arrival!

Yes they should have waited and my in laws wouldnt have done that

OP, off topic completely - you have raised a human being, you have plenty to be proud about now. Well done!

Yanbu. My sister did the same.

She was calling my husband every 5 minutes, so when the baby was born, she was the first one he told. An hour or so later, he excitedly started to call other close family members only to find she’d already done so and everyone knew the news.

That was also 23 years ago. Still annoyed when we remember.

I'd still be fuming 23 years later too! My mum is a bit like this she put on Facebook I was having a boy when i didn't want it on social media and it's something I wanted to tell everyone myself. I have accepted now that it was only out of excitiment for gc and not anything intended to upset me.

An auntie of mine did the same thing. We had only told very close family of the birth wanting to enjoy the newborn bubble for at least a few hours. She put it on Facebook so I then felt I had to send a hurried text to friends and colleagues to let them know. Still upsets me now

Why are you posting about this 23 years later? It’s a long time to hold a grudge so tightly. Did you speak to your MiL about this at any point in the last 23 years? If not, then it’s on you for not clearing the air as it obviously still grates. Also, not sure if your parents are still here but stop trying to impress them. They’re just people with flaws like all of us.

I will only ever be a MIL to a grandchild’s mother. I will not cause any problems like this because I’m not a thoughtless, competitive person like so many MILs appear to be. I have absolutely no problem accepting that my DS’s GF will want her parents there first and more often because she will want support from the first - that, to me, is perfectly normal and obvious.

OP, I would have hit the roof. I have a wonderful memory of phoning my DF and telling him when DS1 was born. If I’d found out he already knew from MIL I would have been very upset. DH would have been having words with her.

Presumably there are 23 years of back story. My MIL did similar (my kids are still young though) and she was honestly trying to help. She knew I was still in a fug of pain and drugs and that my mother would be anxious and she wanted to set everyone at ease with the good news. She shared the first pics too. I might have been annoyed but she really is a sweet and lovely woman (and hugely supportive when I had PND) and was doing what she truly thought was best. I couldn't be annoyed.

Oh I hear you OP, not at all unreasonable to have been upset about that. When I had my first baby, it was a few days before I got to Facebook - we'd already let family, friends and work know but I hadn't yet posted on FB with a photo for less close friends. This bloody woman from work had seen fit to post on my timeline that she "wanted to be the first to congratulate me on the birth of Baby Name" before I had even posted anything about it. She's always been an attention seeker, and is no longer my FB friend. And yes, this was years ago but I still dislike her for it!

The fact you can't let it go suggests either deep issues still with your MIL or yourself regarding "making your parents proud".