To cut holiday short

It just isn't worth the stress, holidays are supposed to be fun, go home and maybe next holiday go when your husband can too.

I read your post and laughed. Not in a bad way but just I remember this when my two were that age. It was so hard #kidsaredicks - to make it worse my EXDH opted out of family life when kids were that age so it was just me on my own all the time. My eldest is neurodivergent and my youngest has some traits too. They are 13 and 11 now and we are away on a caravan holiday now so it does get easier. We are still in our pyjamas having a chill! They still squabble and sometimes moan but they are not bad kids by any stretch. There is light at the end of the tunnel! I always prioritised physical acitivity. Swimming, playing, soft play, outdoor etc. They slept better and had less energy to argue with one another. That also meant once we had done plenty of physical activity we could come back and have a chill - bit of screen time for them and bit of reading / relaxation for me! I know you want to instil good habits in them re: getting dressed independently but I opted to do it for tm or help if it was going to be a nightmare. I also found the more I removed the battle, the more likely it was they would cooperate.

Hi there

Your children are just adjusting and are disregulated and could also be they are missing their dad. What they actually need is more connection, more patience, etc and not less. I have two boys (4 and 6) and am a single parent and the first few nights can sometime be an adjustment, new sleeping environment - excitement, nerves, etc. You are not a bad parent and punishing children for being disregulated is not the way forward - I would not take them home early - they won't learn anything doing that - and the next time you try to take them away might be even harder. It isn't easy but I suggest stick with it, ignore all these punitive comments and know that your kids and you are perfect just as you are.

I hope you stay and enjoy the rest of your time xxxx

I know you're having a rough time, OP, but I agree with this. I'm going to get a great deal of flack for this, but I do think kids should be slightly afraid of you, as in scared of the repercussions of pushing you to your limit. In every dynamic, there needs to be someone who is clearly in charge, and if it's not you, it's them. And occasionally they need a visceral reminder of who is in charge and why.

100%

OP is letting her 6 year old bully her 4 year old with no real consequences. And that is what it is when it's this relentless.

Ah kids can be irritating twerps at times- and I have experienced what you are now many times with my 2 and 4 yo. I think the combo of being out of routine, excited, and tired always makes holidays more tricky especially on your own. I do think it sounds like you could be more firm and for example leave immediately if they've misbehaved. But I also know that is really hard on your own when you're knackered. As you say, see how it goes.

I wondered if it was Butlins as thah can be overwhelming!

I also think the fact that this used to be a trip just you and DS6 is a factor as well in a lot of this and that the routine on previous visits was just him probably is a huge factor as well

I wouldn't go home, its just one more day. 6 and 4 is also a difficult age and they usually do take a while to settle down on holls.

Moving forward, you need to rethink your parenting....You need to be really firm and hold your ground, follow through with consequences straight away.

Also, your 6 year old 's behaviour seems a quite bullyish to me - how is he at school with his friend? The constant teasing etc is very unkind.

My kids are older now but this is very familiar to me. Apart from suggesting you go home if that’s what you want to do, a couple of things I’ve learned which help but probably show me up as a bad mum!
I get them washed, get them dressed and put shoes on, as in I physically take them into the bathroom, do it for/with them and then do the rest. Food: nab the table, then take them with while you fill up their plates - I always make one up for myself as well by juggling around or taking extra from theirs. Sit down and eat and drink together.
Bickering: hold hands with the older one and get the little one on reins. This will
kerp them physically apart.
Are they both boys?
I promise it gets better- holidays are easier with another pair of hands..

DS6 also gets some help but I draw the line at being expected to do his Velcro straps up on his shoes.

When mine were that age my 6 year old would sometimes want help for things like that, things I knew she could do herself. She saw me helping her 4 year old brother and really just wanted some “mum care”, a reminder that I cared for her too even if her brother needed more of my time. I wouldn’t make that kind of thing a battleground - one minute to faster her shoes or half an hour of moaning about it.

I also think that the whirlwind of activities might be adding some pressure and causing tiredness. Could you just spend a morning in your room watching cartoons?

Is it butlins? Butlins turned my normally beautifully behaved kids into whinging demons. It's just so overwhelming and exhausting.

Oh sorry clearly didn't read properly my bad! In which case OP you are a superstar.

My six year old was recently quite badly behaved on holiday, and it was upsetting but having reflected I think it does have quite a bit to do with tiredness, high expectation for fun and loss of routine. Maybe I am a soft touch I would try to be sympathetic. I think ending the holiday early is quite harsh.

Mine are same ages and we’ve just been on holiday. I could not have done it without DH coming, I think it’s flying solo that’s made this really hard. On holiday they are all worked up and sometimes you just need to separate them, which you can’t really do on your own. It’s not your fault and you’re not a bad mum- it’s difficult ages for siblings.

One of the things that stood out for me in this thread was how much you try meeting your DS's needs, involve them, talk with them - possibly at the cost to thinking about yourself and what you need to keep things going? You cannot pour from the empty cup. It's ok to set limits, say 'no', follow through on boundaries, even feeling disappointed is normal. Take care OP, you've got this.

And age 4 and 6 my kids could get dressed and ready theoretically but in reality they are still small, get easily distracted and need help.

Lots of normal behaviour here - you need to be firm.

I wouldn’t go home. It won’t teach them anything

If there's nothing booked then surely to only thing to aim for is meal times?

I'd honestly be helping the 6yr old a little as well I think if it would help to get out.

He's still young &on holiday!

One of the main recurring problems is your 6yo teasing your 4yo. I do think this should be the main area of focus (aside from putting your 4yo on reins as that’s a quick fix).

Lots of the punishments apply equally to both. I think 6yo needs his own consequences and it must apply directly to teasing / unacceptable behaviour towards sibling. It sounds outside of normal sibling interactions and pretty much constant torment for the 4yo. It is unclear whether the 4yo’s behaviour is a direct result of this teasing or whether his issues are his alone.

I would tell the 6yo that his behaviour is essentially bullying and watch videos showing the consequences. It sounds like he’s making life very unpleasant for the 4yo. and Id wonder if he does this at school and upsets kids there as well.

It's tough at that age - there was a four year gap between my girls and DD1 at least was very well behaved, so it was never quite as bad - but even today the bickering still drives me mad. My two nieces have the same age gap as your boys though and they can be very hard work. They tend to be OK for me, but not so much for their parents and nan but I parent them the same my I parent my own kids when they are with me.

BIL and SIL tend to go a bit more down the gentle parenting route (with the occasional gasket blowing) and have constantly done stuff with the kids, so they are used to being permanently entertained, which means their behaviour can really kick off when they are not doing something.

Our parenting style is much more along the benign neglect / pick your battles line for most things (like food, or helping them get dressed etc) but the three things we were incredibly strict on, and set expectations very early was an insistence on politeness, zero tolerance for non-consensual physical fighting or verbal teasing and behaviour in public (no screeching or inappropriate shouting etc) - all of these were met with swift rebuke and consequences, but because we were really relaxed about everything else, they knew that when we got cross over these things, we meant it.

I remember being on holiday with BIL and SIL - they just had the one 2 year old boy and my youngest was 18 months - I was outside the house and I could hear my youngest crying - there was a steep stone step into the kitchen and I was worried she'd fallen. BIL was holding her and when I asked what happened he said that she'd bitten her sister and when he told her off she'd started crying. He was really surprised when I took her off him and marched straight upstairs with her, sat, her on the bed and told her she was in a time out for biting. She could sit there for two minutes and then apologise to her sister and if she didn't apologise she would sit there until she did. He was shocked when I went back downstairs and said she was in a timeout. It worked and she never bit her again.

For things like getting dressed, putting shoes on etc, I turn it into a game - use their natural rivalry to help you and join in "Right, time to get dressed - whoever does it first gets....<insert small treat of choice>" or combine with other things "Whoever gets their shoes on first gets to open the door when we get back" and for whinging and whining, I use to use distraction techniques like playing eye spy or completely ignoring the one that was whining and having a fun conversation with the one that wasn't.

I also used to tease them back - so if they were moaning that they were too tired to put their shoes on, I'd do it for them but as I was doing it I would say things like "Aw - do you need me to put your shoes on like a little baby", or if they were being particularly difficult and I was getting really annoyed "Well if you are too tired to put your shoes on, we'd better stay in and you can go back to bed to rest"

I have to say, gently, your parenting does sound rather ineffectual. I’ve had six children and at age 4 in a strange place there is no way any of them would have had any option of running off as they would have been holding my hand, no discussion. My six and eight year olds do still.

Whining often happens if it’s gotten them what they wanted previously, so you need to accept this HAS happened previously and is a consequence you have to face…you can change the dynamics if you want to: to be very matter of fact and actually follow through with things, but keep them simple. At that age impulse control can be poor, they don’t really understand grounding in the evening due to behaviour in the morning…it just keeps everyone’s mood low. Go for immediate consequences and firmly disappointed tone and then put that moment away and be positive about the next moment.

My adult children say I’ve always been firm but fair, and they always knew this from early childhood…we have always had loving relationships even during teen years. Firm boundaries/expectations doesn’t mean you aren’t also a kind, gentle and loving parent. They keep children safe and secure.

Finally, a lot of it IS just parenting multiple young children, you’ll feel more weary if you keep a running score of behaviour, it will probably also be negatively affecting your response to them, they feed off our emotional energy. Let yesterday go, let this morning go, maybe instead tkeep a running score of all the times today they are sweet, loving , funny…it may brighten all of your days.

She's on her own with them. 🙄

Can you take one kid each and do separate things? Not ideal I know but maybe will take the pressure off.

This.

Also binge watch old editions of Super Nanny to get ideas about how to reward good behavior - most neurotypical children cotton on quickly.

The six year old repeatedly asking why they were not going to the park is a bit “hmm” to me. Does he understand your responses to be “no is no until mum caves in after we go on and on”.

You might want to go home and work on all this prior to the next trip.

Good luck. We talk about teething, we talk about potty training, there are bits of raising children that we forget to talk about.