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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cut holiday short

242 replies

ToddlerSleep · 30/07/2025 21:44

I’m on a very child friendly fully catered 4-night UK break with DS 6 (nearly 7) and DS just turned 4, and I’m not coping with their behaviour. DH is a great and involved dad and couldn’t come due to work. We knew this would be the case and therefore chose this particular place as there’s so much for children to do and should in theory have worked. We are due to go home on Friday, but WIBU to go home tomorrow? Below is a snapshot of 6 hours of my day and it’s been like this from morning til night since Monday. Have I brought them up badly? Or is this just normal behaviour from them and I am being a useless parent? Please be gentle with me. It’s day 3 and I’m now in tears.

I had two more 1-night trips planned with them in the summer holidays and I have told them we are no longer doing them due to their behaviour. I am regretting doing this holiday and had I known beforehand how they would behave, there’s no way I would have done it.

It’s absolutely relentless. I put in clear boundaries and follow through with consequences eg taking away toys, time out, missing activities that we had planned, and it has no impact. They say sorry and it won’t happen again, and 5 mins later it happens again.

  1. In the morning they have to be asked several times to please take their pyjamas off, please come brush your teeth, please put your socks on etc.
  2. while this is taking place, DS6 won’t stop teasing DS4 despite being told several times to stop. DS4 gets upset, I have to step in.
  3. DSs then refuse to put their shoes on themselves, they are too tired, it’s too hard etc. I stand my ground and in the end stand outside the flat and tell them to just get on with it.
  4. We walk to breakfast (2 mins away) and DS6 is teasing DS4 again
  5. We get to the dining room and there’s an argument about who will sit with whom
  6. I get them their drinks and then go to get their food. When I’m back with food I find that DS4 has had an accident with his drink resulting in it spilt everywhere.
  7. While eating there’s more teasing.
  8. We walk back to our flat and there’s more teasing.
  9. We get to our flat and there’s an argument about who will open the door.
  10. We then go to an activity, more whinging about shoes, and there’s more teasing on the way. DS4 keeps running off as well to whatever takes his fancy on the way. I have to keep running after him so I don’t lose sight of him.
  11. It’s now lunchtime and both say they are hungry but won’t eat the food I have for them and are whinging. It’s normally their favourite. DS4 keep running off, DS6 whinging about whatever.
  12. We go to watch a show, which I know DS6 loves. DS6 constantly whinging he doesn’t want to see it and I had promised him we won’t see it (I never did), DS4 making whinging noises and I don’t know why.
  13. Get to the show, whinging continues and now we also have an argument about who sits on which seat.
  14. Show is over, kids had loved it, more teasing on the way back to the flat which I have to break up. DS4 keeps running off.
  15. Another argument at the door about who will open it.
  16. I need to repack my rucksack while DS6 keeps teasing DS4 and eventually he is lying on top of DS4 tickling him while DS4 is crying. I keep having to step in over and over again to break it up while trying to concentrate on my rucksack.
  17. Off to the next activity 5 mins walk away. More whinging about them having to put on their shoes themselves. I realise when I get to the activity that I have forgotten something key to pack into my rucksack so we have to walk back.
  18. DS4 was trailing behind us, then suddenly has disappeared and we can’t find him anywhere. 20 minutes of running around in tears trying to find him. Activity is now missed.
  19. I want to go back to the flat, DSs just won’t listen and come with me, so it takes me 10 minutes to get them to move. DS4 again keep running off, DS6 is teasing again.
  20. Once in the flat, DS4 has a 30 minute stand off to get undressed so I can shower him. DS6 also has to be asked 10 times but at least he does it.
OP posts:
WhatterySquash · 31/07/2025 12:47

First one finished gets to decide first activity.

Oh yes this is a great tactic too. Make them race against each other/bet them they can't get their shoes on in 20 seconds and start a timer/set them a challenge where they have to cooperate, with a reward like ice cream or getting to choose something. When they win the bet or beat the challenge, ham up the "wow I honestly never thought you would do it, how silly was I!" etc.

WhatterySquash · 31/07/2025 12:41

Totally wouldn't blame you for going home and I don't think it's your fault that they are bickering and playing up - normal for their age and a holiday/different routine always makes behaviour worse IME. Nightmare when you're on your own and outnumbered as well.

But also - natural consequences, call their bluff and be matter-of-fact. And for the 6-year-old bullying his brother, the consequence for that should be treats and priorities for the brother.

Shoe/PJ fuss. OK don't wear shoes then/keep your pjs on, I don't care. Chuck shoes/clothes in a bag and say they can have them if they ask nicely, and set off.

Refusing to get dressed, leave the flat etc. "Oh dear, I guess we won't be doing <insert whatever part of the day will appeal to them, ice creams, show, amazing climbing frame etc> It will be pretty boring sitting here all day though. Just say if you change your minds." No TV, screens, snacks etc, just sit there. They'll be bored stupid in about 5 minutes,

Seat fuss "OK I'm sitting here to stop you two arguing" (take middle seat). Ignore fuss and say "well you wouldn't make your minds up, behave yourself next time"

ANY teasing/bullying "OK DS6 you have been told over and over and you are being mean again. That means DS4 gets a treat/to decide what we do this afternoon/to pick the seat he likes/etc and every time you bully him he will get another treat or choice." I have found this stops it in its tracks - remember to then praise for treating his brother better.

Some great advice I read on here long ago was to play the 'bored cop". Avoid getting worked up and stressed. Just chill, point out they are not going to get what they want by dicking around, let them experience natural consequences and allow some time for them to make the right decision.

Then be effusive in your praise "I'm so happy we all managed to get out of the house in the end and had a great day. it was loads of fun doing XYZ with you, what did you like best?" etc.

Not judging you though, nor am I claiming to be parent of the year (far from it) but these things helped me when my DC were these ages.

Almostwelsh · 31/07/2025 12:39

Neurodiversitydoctor · 31/07/2025 09:18

Different strokes I would have hated this as would my DCs why would you go to Butlins to stay in bed unless ill ? My advice upthread was completely the opposite.

Show quote history

I thought this. In my experience TV and no exercise just encourages bad behaviour. They need exercise to run off some of their energy. Preferably in an enclosed space like a playground with a fence, not a beach if one is prone to running off

I think OP is doing her best by getting them out every day and I can't believe how many people are advising TV time. Mine were horrible after watching TV in the daytime - I had to put a total ban on it unless ill.

SatsumaDog · 31/07/2025 12:37

No advice (I never managed my two very effectively at the same age), but a ton of sympathy. I did several solo parent holidays at around the same age and I just remember being utterly exhausted. It’s so relentless and harder to navigate everything as you’re away from home. I do remember coming home earlier than planned on one occasion. The weather was terrible (UK) and no one was having much fun (myself included). I think I slept a full 24h when we got home and DH took over!

Ljs7 · 31/07/2025 12:31

Gloriia · 31/07/2025 10:37

You can't have a 4 yr old on reins. Max 18mth to 2 yrs surely. 4yr olds should be able to listen to instructions, you bribe them with rewards.

Show quote history

Of course you put a 4yo on reins if necessary - he has no idea re traffic danger and could be serious injured whilst running off.

user1492757084 · 31/07/2025 12:27

Your boys are competitive but selfish.

Organise some rewards for deadlines.

No TV unril dressed and finished breakfast.
First one finished gets to decide first activity.
Eat ice cream every night for sweets. Half a scoop each and an extra scoop can be earnt by showing kindness. One whole scoop is removed for bullying.
Be firm about any boundaries you make.

Research out a fee charging childcare activity that allows you to relax for an hour or two while the boys engage with drawing/sand castle making etc in a group.

Only take them on holidays with their father in future.
Team up as two teams of two (one parent and one child) and the best behaved group has money to spend at the airport.

bathroomadviceneeded · 31/07/2025 12:24

You're very brave to do this holiday alone with DC that age. I'm a teacher and am at home with my DC during holidays (similar ages but 3 of them) and there is no way I would attempt travelling without my DH. They need predictability, routine, and very clear boundaries which is far easier to manage at home.

I literally write the schedule on a board every morning, and we follow it like it's a religious text. 7am Breakfast, 9am Playground, 12pm Lunch etc. The downside is that it's very monotonous, the only break I get is during the 90-min afternoon screen-time, and there is a lot of sitting in playgrounds and supervising playing, stopping them bickering etc. I buy myself a takeaway coffee everyday to make the day more pleasant.

I had the option to flying to stay in another country with my parents for 2 weeks, but I honestly couldn't bear the thought of doing the flight on my own. Also, just the day-to-day management is so much harder abroad, even with my parents around.

Would I end the holiday early? No. But I'd grit my teeth, count down the minutes, and wait until they were older to attempt it again on my own.

ThriveIn2025 · 31/07/2025 12:20

Are we on the same holiday?! Sounds exactly like my holiday except DS managed to walk dog shit into the apartment this morning, all into the carpet. Ah good times. #makingmemories and all that.

NotPerfectlyAdverage · 31/07/2025 12:17

I think choosing your battles helps but my kids have SEN. Otherwise I'd be in a early grave.

Whingeing about shoes? Get some slip on pumps for holidays without dh.

Backpack and lead for ds4.

Mine are older but still intermittently argue and then play nicely. Get them to hold your hand as your between them. Say "whoever doesn't talk first opens the door".

But you have my sympathy. It's the relentlessness that drains.

raffegiraffe · 31/07/2025 12:16

Sympathies..I remember it well. Did it once and then holidayed with grandparents to share the load. Holidays were about low standards and bribes until they were a little older.

KarmenPQZ · 31/07/2025 12:16

What’s with all the teasing. What does that mean is it really bullying? This isn’t normal in my house.

are the kids just over scheduled? I find sometimes the nagging for kids to get out of their pjs is when they just need a day at home with no one chasing them out of the house.

turkeyboots · 31/07/2025 12:09

Your DC are the very worst age for holidays, even with 2 parents. Ignore what you can, baby them for speed when things need to happen. And go home if you're just done.
I wouldn't go away again alone. Day trips work better with this age, and you'll get some peace when they fall asleep in the car on the way home.
They'll get better.

SulkySeagull · 31/07/2025 12:08

I think you’re very brave taking 2 boys that age away on your own! I didn’t build up the courage to take away mine alone until they were 9 years old and wanted to go into the kids club!

Original poster
ToddlerSleep · 31/07/2025 12:05

Had to laugh at the praise for fantastic breathing! Thank you, I needed that 😊

It’s genuinely not time pressured. The only time pressure we have is making sure we get to breakfast before 10.30am. The timetable is there because DS6 likes to know what else is happening on resort so we can choose to do something else when we get bored of the usual playground and softplay. I only expected one shower over 5 days.

our morning has been a bit up and down but I am trying to stick through it. I know they can dress themselves with help but it’s frustrating when they won’t even take their pants off which I know they can. They know we are going home as soon as someone misbehaves.

I know DS4 is missing daddy as they keep asking for him.

DS6 is now on the playground holding hands with a little boy and helping him up and down a slide that they are going on over and over again, and being so gentle with him. I nearly cried again, this time for good reasons.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 31/07/2025 12:03

Loving all the ‘just be firm and tell them to stop bickering’, ‘keep hold of the 4 year old all the time’ type advice! Tell me you’ve never dealt with two bickering, strong willed siblings on your own without saying it out loud. 🙄

Nothing wrong with‘just be firm and tell them to stop bickering’ as long as you tell them what a consequence will be if they carry on and follow through on that consequence ( remember to keep consequences reasonable and appropiate and something you can do)

You can't have a 4 yr old on reins. Max 18mth to 2 yrs surely. 4yr olds should be able to listen to instructions, you bribe them with rewards.
The 4 year old would hate it. So, to me that would be the consequence if he was told not to do it again bit did. A typical child would learn pretty quick that they don't want reins and therefore they can't run off.
.
I never 'bribed" with rewards. I didnt even do that with my three dogs. Both children and dogs were taught how me and their dad expected them to behave, not give them a treat for doing so.

Tell me you’ve never dealt with two bickering, strong willed siblings on your own without saying it out loud. 🙄*
My suggestions worked when mine were kids. Now the two bickering strong willed siblings are adults i just tell them shut the fuck up and ho to their own homes if they want to squabble like toddlers. That usually works these days!

samthepigeon · 31/07/2025 12:02

BloominNora · 31/07/2025 09:41

It's tough at that age - there was a four year gap between my girls and DD1 at least was very well behaved, so it was never quite as bad - but even today the bickering still drives me mad. My two nieces have the same age gap as your boys though and they can be very hard work. They tend to be OK for me, but not so much for their parents and nan but I parent them the same my I parent my own kids when they are with me.

BIL and SIL tend to go a bit more down the gentle parenting route (with the occasional gasket blowing) and have constantly done stuff with the kids, so they are used to being permanently entertained, which means their behaviour can really kick off when they are not doing something.

Our parenting style is much more along the benign neglect / pick your battles line for most things (like food, or helping them get dressed etc) but the three things we were incredibly strict on, and set expectations very early was an insistence on politeness, zero tolerance for non-consensual physical fighting or verbal teasing and behaviour in public (no screeching or inappropriate shouting etc) - all of these were met with swift rebuke and consequences, but because we were really relaxed about everything else, they knew that when we got cross over these things, we meant it.

I remember being on holiday with BIL and SIL - they just had the one 2 year old boy and my youngest was 18 months - I was outside the house and I could hear my youngest crying - there was a steep stone step into the kitchen and I was worried she'd fallen. BIL was holding her and when I asked what happened he said that she'd bitten her sister and when he told her off she'd started crying. He was really surprised when I took her off him and marched straight upstairs with her, sat, her on the bed and told her she was in a time out for biting. She could sit there for two minutes and then apologise to her sister and if she didn't apologise she would sit there until she did. He was shocked when I went back downstairs and said she was in a timeout. It worked and she never bit her again.

For things like getting dressed, putting shoes on etc, I turn it into a game - use their natural rivalry to help you and join in "Right, time to get dressed - whoever does it first gets....<insert small treat of choice>" or combine with other things "Whoever gets their shoes on first gets to open the door when we get back" and for whinging and whining, I use to use distraction techniques like playing eye spy or completely ignoring the one that was whining and having a fun conversation with the one that wasn't.

I also used to tease them back - so if they were moaning that they were too tired to put their shoes on, I'd do it for them but as I was doing it I would say things like "Aw - do you need me to put your shoes on like a little baby", or if they were being particularly difficult and I was getting really annoyed "Well if you are too tired to put your shoes on, we'd better stay in and you can go back to bed to rest"

Definitely the teasing to do things for them that they can do themselves: 'I can't believe I am putting shoes on for a six year old! I don't know what the world is coming to! I wonder what Mrs X (insert teacher's name here) would say if she could see you now?' Complete with overacting and eye rolling. It just diffuses the situation, gets the job done, and lets them know it is not really acceptable all at the same time.

In my office at work there was a social worker; she said, if you put everything in place by the time they are 3, and work hard at it, the rest is easy. And it is blooming hard work! Set the boundaries and expectations, be consistent, etc. However, after that, on the whole, things are easier.
There are times your kids need to listen to you, and there are times to let it slide.

Also, there are times they just need to chill - watch something decent on tv for an hour or so, curled up with them, talking about what they are watching.

Brightyellowspyrograph · 31/07/2025 12:00

How much time do you.actually.spend with your kids normally? It sounds like all this playing up is totally alien to you. Holidays with.kids are the same hell just a different place. How much free play are they getting? To let off steam? Make your life easier and pick your battles. Get them to play a part in the planning and choosing. Let them go to bed dirty. Go to the beach with buckets and spades and play for as long as they can or a park so they will wear themselves out.
I am a single mum and we had mad holidays, routines were allowed to slide a little. Don't make a rod for your.own back.
And if you thinks this is bad wait till they are sulky teenagers, moaning about Whitby Abbey being a ruin. Yes really.
Also think about what interests them my 14yo announced.thst he just wanted to go crabbing one day so he did that happily for hours. He was happy I was happy.
Have a theme like collect badges or fridge magnets from different places. Use local transport its a good way to relax and see the area.
Finally just go with.rhey.wsnt

Glowingup · 31/07/2025 11:56

SeriouslyStressed · 30/07/2025 22:10

Poor you! Holidays can be stressful times al round. I think I’d need to get to the bottom of the teasing as that seems relentless.

Telling them to stop and removing things hasn’t worked so I’d try a different approach.

There will be a reason behind this repeated behaviour. He could be jealous of his younger brother and see him as competition for your attention, he could get annoyed with him for touching his stuff etc. I’d try therapeutic parenting techniques such as empathising eg
to DS 4 “it looks like it upset you/hurt your feelings when DS6 just did/said that? That’s a hard feeling to have. I know he loves you he’s maybe feeling a bit wobbly right now”
to DS 6 (privately if appropriate) “it sounds like DS 4 is really annoying you right now, I’m just wondering what’s happening for you … are you feeling jealous because he needs more mummy time than you? Maybe that looks like I love him more than you because he gets more of me ? That must be a hard feeling to have. I love you sooo much, you are my special six year old and I love that you xxxxxx. I have to help DS4 because he’s 4 and you are 6. When you were 4 I had to xxxxxx for you too. It must be hard to have those worries but it hurts DS4s heart when you xxxx and he loves you so much. I know you have a kind heart and don’t want to upset him, it’s tricky when you’ve got big feelings. Do you think you could show you’re sorry and that you care for him by eg taking him his drink?”

These are just random examples, if you take a minute to pause, reflect on what might be triggering DS6, empathise with him and offer him nurture then think of how to help him with his worries.

I wouldn’t say all of that in one go unless you think he could process it. It’s just ideas.

Also, keep the consequences but try to make them related to the action, eg if he breaks DS4s toy he shows sorry by contributing (a nominal amount) towards a replacement.
Look up natural and logical consequences.

Reassure them that you as the adult will keep everyone safe physically and emotionally and that “we love each other and try to be kind because we are a family” etc

Good luck

Omg

AvidJadeShaker · 31/07/2025 11:51

They don’t sound that bad, ignore any bad behaviour, really praise either of them if they doing anything remotely well (fantastic breathing Jonny) etc.

Nevereatcardboard · 31/07/2025 11:39

Gloriia · 31/07/2025 10:37

You can't have a 4 yr old on reins. Max 18mth to 2 yrs surely. 4yr olds should be able to listen to instructions, you bribe them with rewards.

Show quote history

You can and must put reins on a 4 year old if it’s becoming a safety issue. He ran off in a car park!

Goinggreymammy · 31/07/2025 11:36

Whatever about if you went home or stayed....
The constant teasing sounds painful. Try to work on this at home.

Otherwise most sounds like normal small child behaviour on holidays. for eg, It's not misbehaving to spill a drink. They sound tired and distracted, (it sounds very busy, and all the chosing together and making timetables sounds very pressured for everyone) so taking longer to get dressed etc. You sound fixated on details like putting on shoes, getting undressed for shower etc and holding strict boundaries about these details. A holiday with little kids isn't the place to learn stuff like this if your 6 Yr old already takes ages at home to get ready. Just help them and go to breakfast. Either you want to spend your holiday doing some kind of behaviour boot camp, or just help them in a new and tiring setting, and get on with the fun. I think the day trips were easier because it was all about the fun part, all the dressing and transitions were done at home. Do they really need showers every night on holidays? I took my kids away alone often, I always relaxed expectations and rules so everyone, including me, would have a better time. Food for thought for your next trip.

Anyway I hope you are relaxed at home now.

rockchic65 · 31/07/2025 11:30

I really feel for you I had the same with my grandson he's 6.we wanted to cut our holiday short your not alone. I wouldn't of done it alone to stressful

StillAliveAndKicking · 31/07/2025 11:30

Strong boundaries, and stick to them and you need to practice the discipline consistently. My boys were exactly the same but kids need strong rules esp boys to help them feel safe. However you need to sprinkle in the fun and laugh at them, yes, at them! It takes all sorts of techniques to get them to adulthood but don't settle for crap behaviour. Decide what suits your fam and then go for it. Try not to go home as I think you'll feel a bit worse but I would read the riot act as they're old enough to know that they're being twits now! BTW mine are now 35 and 32 a lieutenant colnel and a maths teacher. Still knobs from time to time tho but at least they live elsewhere! Good luck xx

Zebedee999 · 31/07/2025 11:30

Doggymummar · 30/07/2025 21:48

Gruesome. The 4 year old would be. Baby reins for starters and theybeoukd be grounded. And theh better at hkme? What will the journey be like

I put this into Google translate but it drew a blank?

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/07/2025 11:28

I haven't RTFT, so someone else might well have said this: I'd cut out the whining about who's opening the door by just doing it myself every time.

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