to move to get ds out of trouble even tho we can't really afford it

There’s no way I would uproot the lives of 5 other people just for one person. Can’t he go and stay with family elsewhere for a while, as pp have said? Any other family members who could talk to him?

"at 17 he knows what he is going is wrong and thinks he’s untouchable. You need to show him he is not"

in my experience most 17 year olds in this position see themselves as far from untouchable. Most are pretty terrified of the people who are pulling the strings behind the scenes and are very scared of the repercussions to speaking out or "getting out". He is still a child who's being manipulated and criminally exploited.

Can you ask social services if there is any supported living accommodation in your area for young men? There is one in my town and it is staffed 24 hours. It is for young men/ teenagers who have left care and who are in danger of getting involved in crime and need extra support to live independently. It might not suit your son but obviously he wouldn’t be able to go into foster care. Sometimes there is a waiting list for these places so it is worth asking now.

There are three of these types of accommodation in my town which I know about due to a family member who was getting into a lot of trouble. Btw in their case they were being financially exploited by a group of older ‘friends’ who wanted money for weed and the police arrested some of them over it. Now they are away from this group they are doing much better.

The trouble is he feels he can’t tell you or anyone, no matter how much he would like to. He’s scared and probably wants to protect you all. He’s in too deep and can’t see a way out.

Watch Alfie’s story on you tube. I think there are two or three parts. It shows how kids are drawn in and they feel can’t escape.

Offer him a way out. Discuss a move. If he seems even half way interested then it’s worth investigating.

But he’s got to want to do it. Otherwise you need to say how much you love him but for his own sake and for the other kids sake then you have no option but to use tough love and get him to move out.
You’ll have to insist as no one will help unless they are forced to, so you’ll have to literally throw him out. So tough but what other choice do you have? You have other kids to safeguard.

do you know what it is that makes him attracted to this?
group belonging/money/feeling "cool"/his own access to drugs?
or do they have some sort of blackmail over him?

This sounds awful :( Even with a lot of professional support it can be really hard to get away from County Lines. Have you spike to the social worker about moving? These networks sometimes stretch a long distance so it's no guarantee things will change. You'd also be best getting support in place as soon as you get to a new area to try and prevent him falling in with the same crowds again. Does he even want out? At his age he may just refuse to move and if he is left where he is reliant on the people exploiting him then he is just deeper in it.

Look up a charity called Justice in Motion. I’m not sure if they are national but they maybe able to advise. I work in a secondary school and they recently did a county lines workshop with some of our children. Moving may not be the answer you hope for. I feel for you, I have teen children and the thought, let alone reality of this, terrifies me.

Social care might indeed have concerns about the safety of your younger children, yes, however I would think that they would support you to make a plan for alternative living arrangements for your son as that is the obvious solution.If he had somewhere to go and you then still refused to make him leave, putting your younger ones at risk when it could be avoided, I would imagine the level of concern would escalate further.

Every time he assaults you - and it is assault - you need to inform the police. He is abusing you and for the sake of you all you need further support from outside agencies. I hope you can find some light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Absolutely, your SW has checked out.
There are specialist foster carers who are experienced in cases like this, my friend is one, he's an ex army sergeant and nothing scares him. Trouble is, specialist, therapeutic foster care is really expensive and SS won't want to pay for it if they have cheaper alternatives (ie he lives at home).
Have you discussed moving away with him, in a calm manner? I'm not judging at all but things sound v fraught and his step dad hitting him isn't exactly modelling great behaviour.
If you can talk things through you might discover a very frightened young lad under all the bravado.

Another alternative would be some sort of residential training course, like the army college at Harrogate which accepts from age 16. I'm guessing he would refuse that, but you never know.

Sorry just a couple more things, can you get a Ring doorbell? I would advise that, because of what you said about people turning up. Also report him missing if he doesn’t come home, and tell them you’re worried about county lines. It will help bring him to police attention as a victim.

@GreyPigeons your social worker is right that few foster families might be willing to take him (although some are specialists and would do) but that does NOT mean they can just shrug and leave him to it. He is a child exposed to CCE (childhood criminal exploitation). It is a form of trafficking. Social services and police are not always very good at it but there is help available if you fight for it.

If my child was in this situation and I could possibly afford it I would bypass it all and take them away for a year abroad. Abroad as in a LONG way away. Volunteering, camping, hiking the Appalachian trail, whatever - but I would make sure it was outside Europe, that there was movement (so as not to end up in one city for the whole time) and I would make it a full year. And I'd get rid of his old phone too - total change of number and ideally no or limited access to social media. If your DH's family are abroad, would their country be an option? I appreciate a huge upheaval for the whole family and it might not be possible.

Failing that - I've only read your posts not the replies so apologies if I'm repeating what anyone else has said but I would try the following:

• Urgent assessment for neurodiverse or SEMH conditions (dad is in and out of prison, he is vulnerable to CCE, that is all the evidence you should need to get at least an assessment)
• Simultaneously, application for an EHCP with a view to a residential college out of area away from these 'friends'
• Contact social services and tell them that you have been trying to get help for him for (however long) and he is now being physically harmed - what are they going to do about it, and how do they feel about being sued if he comes to any further harm. The state has a pre-emptive duty to prevent Article 3 harm (which trafficking is) and to prevent trafficking (which CCE is). You have a child who is being subjected to trafficking. The fact that he's a moody blighter who appears quite complicit with the trafficking is completely irrelevant - that is how these networks operate. Raise Cain with social services, the police, your local MP and anybody else who might actually shift their arse and help you.

You must be absolutely bereft. I wish you the very best of luck.

Can you swap council houses? Look on the website where you can swap and see what's available. Are you in London? You could get somewhere nice if you moved out. I think that seems to be your only option.

oh my you are much further and deeper into this than i initially assumed.
to "save" your other children you indeed may have to move BUT if in council housing you might just end up in the same situation do you and your partner both work nearby/are you limited to the same city/same area?

he assaulted you and DH on multiple occasions. There are much younger children in the house. Your mentioned a SW. is the SW aware if the violence. You need to call the police every time he is violent or assaults anyone. This will eventually also trigger more support but your priority should be to make sure you (and the younger siblings) are save in your own home.

Where is his dad. I would send him the live with him if that is an option. He really needs to go. And sorry for what you are dealing with.

Whatever the social worker says, they will have a duty to find him somewhere to live if you refuse to have him in your home - and quite rightly, too.

Then you could move to ensure your younger children are safe and there's no chance of him or somebody else who is pissed off with him turning up at your door. You have to put them - and you - first.

He is nearly an adult in law.
You can move you and other dc and leave him behind
Or you need to get him to leave and away
Try get him arrested might be only way forward

I would move but only if he is on board. Your younger children are scared of him and he needs to change. Otherwise he needs to move out.

https://www.riseuk.org.uk/get-help/about-domestic-abuse/child-to-parent-abuse

So sorry, OP, this must be terribly stressful and difficult. The link above has a helpline for parents suffering abuse from their children.

I hope you can find a way through.

https://ivisontrust.org.uk/ this is an organisation the support parents of children who are being exploited. They may be able to help and suppot you

What a nightmare- they’ll track him down quite easily if you move so I wouldn’t bother.

I would recommend that he moves out. He could go to the homeless team at the council or simply ring SW and tell them he can’t come home. They have got a duty of care.

It sounds like Catch-22 or St Giles Trust might be helpful and The Children's Society.

I know a professional who works in Children's Services and this even happened to her child. No one is immune.

In the end she moved her child to the other end of the country.

If it were me I'd move somewhere cheap and remote with lot's of training options for your teen, think shipping, trades, fishing industry - anything to remove them from the network.

The sooner you do it the better chance you have of saving your son.

It may seem drastic - but you could save your son's future.

Destroy all their phones. You can only do this whilst they are 17. The second they turn 18, you can do nothing.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this op.

Moving may not make any difference, he won't go, if he's in too deep.

Try and talk with him, offer him the move and the support and if that fails then you need to ask him to leave. Make it clear that you love him and you'll support him in making changes, but you will not tolerate his behaviours towards you and his criminal behaviour.

You need to report him every time he attacks you, no matter how small the incident. He might just need a night in the cells to help him see things for what they are.

It's up to you weather you hand the drug running evidence to the police.

You need to protect yourself and your younger children. You don't want them witnessing his behaviours and following suit.

You could try contacting your local youth service or young offending service or the NSPCC for some support and advice.

1 It’s not your fault or anything to do with you, 9 times out of 10 it’s who they hang about with, it’s unfair to move the little ones yes but he’s still your son so I would honestly move and if it fails at least you tried for your son, to the people saying get him out the house, that’s her son your talking about she can’t just abandon him at the age of 17 because of his shitty behaviour, he needs a good talking to from his dad or uncle a male in his life and a move away from this group he will most likely be around ! All the best xx