Leaving an abusive relationship. Can you flood this post with all the lovely firsts and happy futures you had when you did the same ?

I spent 10 years with a shitty horrible person and had children with him, wasted most of my 20s on him, love my babies and wouldn’t change it but if you can now just leave, it won’t change I promise you that, i clung on to hoping he would change but never did, that was over a year ago and now I have a new partner who does more then he ever did for me and the kids and we love him

The sound of a phone ringing doesn't make my stomach clench and roll anymore.
I can buy myself bouquets of flowers now. I grew to loathe them as ex would buy me flowers after he beat me up or hurt me.
I can watch whatever "stupid shit" I want to on tv.
I can take a normal phone call without ex scowling glowering and interupting.
I have a cat and guinea pigs.
My bills have plummeted and my credit score has gone up. I can budget now without being scared my money is going to spent for me.
I can wear whatever the hell I like, put on perfume, get my hair cut and nobody in the world accuses me of having an affair.
I can sleep however I please. No rules about not breathing on him or touching him or turning my back on him.
Friends visit. I have friends now.
I can window shop and wander to my hearts content. No more panicky rushing around to avoid being interrogated. I still relish throwing receipts away. Don't need the time stamped proof anymore.
My face doesn't ache from fake smiling on trips or days out.

I have peace and quiet. No dramas, no 2nd guessing, no dreading. No fear.
I wish all that for you @PennyWhistleSweet

I can relax now. I don’t dread a key in the door. I can read/have interests without complaint.
Im studying for a degree. He never would have supported me.
And again as I appreciate it so much even now, I can relax. I don’t live on edge all the time.

You are all bloody amazing. Truly.

Oh where to start?!
Waking up in the morning and the morning routine going smoothly with no drama. Being able to talk to friends and family as much as I want. I've just got a lovely new job because I'm no longer limited by him dictating which days I could work. So much lovely time with DS that isn't spoiled by his chewing a wasp face. Not having to see him glowering on the sofa every evening. I always used to wonder if maybe he'd just fuse to it one day. Cooking what I want, buying essential household stuff without an interrogation as to whether I had considered x y or z. Actually being able to enjoy special occasions. That one's a biggy. He had a strop because I declined his company on my birthday last year. But it was the best birthday ever. I thought I just didn't like birthdays. Turned out that I just didn't enjoy birthdays around him and his perpetual wasp.
Basically, sitting here writing this, I've realised how bloody wonderful life can be when you're not paralysed by fear anymore. I'm rooting for you, believe me, however hard it is getting free, I promise you will look back at your prison and be so so proud of reclaiming yourself. Good luck, and keep us updated! 💐

part-copied from an earlier thread but still true:

No more running back to the house after I'd left it in the morning to double, triple check that I'd put the bins out / wiped the surfaces / whatever, in case I hadn't and he yelled at me. No more being judged constantly for every single little thing. No more being looked at with complete hatred for just existing.

No more coming home to find that he'd made a complete war landscape of the kitchen cooking one of his pointless 'fancy' meals for a friend, but not tidied it up ofc. (If I did the same, I'd never hear the end of it).

No more questioning my sanity bc he lied so much about everything, from the smallest pointless shit to really enormous stuff.

No drama, no eggshells, no anxiety from being around someone who assumes everyone is out to get them. No more making myself smaller and smaller and quieter and quieter; no more being so on edge constantly that I hadn't even noticed it until he was gone.

No more hearing him brag to his friends and people he wanted to impress about this amazing thing he'd done, when I knew what absolute bullshit those stories were. No more being bored to shit by his pointless, half-baked opinions on music, politics, veganism, AI, etc etc.

House is actually tidier, lovelier, I can actually relax in it. Being able to get a nice takeaway (with meat in!), eat it in front of a film of my choice (trashy/arthouse, just not another bloody Marvel thing), pet my new cat (he hated cats), lie on the sofa in the evening light reading on my kindle, bliss bliss bliss.

Putting new sheets and a duvet on the bed knowing he never touched him.

Enjoying a peaceful Christmas without anyone kicking off, the same for all birthdays.

General freedom to be out and about with who I wanted. Which was mainly not many people as I had two children by myself.

Life in general just being just more fun.

I was not stupid any more. I was an intelligent woman when I met him, but for some reason, an idiot who couldn't do anything right while in the relationship. And suddenly - smart and capable again!

I could go about my day without worrying what I have done wrong this time and why I will be met with sulking and silent treatment on this particular day.

Went walking on Christmas morning
Enjoyed a simple, alcohol free Christmas with my Children
Watched my children thrive and grow into wonderful adults
Sang Westlife “we got a little world of our own” over and over (not even my genre!)
Played loud rock music!

I left him about 12 years ago, I was never allowed spread (marg/butter) on my sandwiches and despite it being over a decade later I still appreciate having spread.
That's only one small thing out of many many things.

I came in to the flat after we separated, looked at him still passed out on the sofa in the morning, and BING a thought popped into my head, clear as day, “you’re not my problem any more”. It was an AMAZING feeling.

I wish you that moment of joy and clarity.

Where do I start?!

It is 8 years since I left EXH. After we married he ruined every single holiday. Even ones he didn't come on! I'm away on holiday with DS at the moment so I guess holidays are top of mind. We've had the best time, mostly just us and a couple of days meeting up with friends. No drama, no worries about safety (EXH used to do things like purposely leave doors unlocked at night so I'd never quite feel safe, or drive dangerously) and no guilt tripping about money (if he'd paid) or more often being sulky and ungrateful (when I had paid). No having to pretend everything is "fine" to hotel / chalet staff who clearly know things aren't right. No not being able to talk to any fellow holiday makers in case it upsets him. No burning shame when he decides to kick off in front of an audience.

But aside from holidays. Even now, several years later, there isn't a week that goes by that I don't give thanks for the peace and quiet I feel in my small, tired, rented flat. DS can have PJ days, leave stuff out, come sleep in my bed if he needs to. We can eat what we want. Cupboards full of snacks / treat chocolates don't disappear overnight. Special clothes aren't ruined under the house of a sudden desire to "help" with laundry. I can wear what I want without comment.

I could go on and on.

Good luck OP. Stay safe. Keep your eyes on the prize. It may not be easy but it will be worth it.

I ran away nearly 2 years ago

There are the small and simple things like being able to cook what the kids and I like to eat, being able to watch what we want on the telly. Able to leave the house when we want to.
Kids can go to the clubs that interest them. Can use their computers to do their homework. We can sit down to eat without being lectured on what we have done wrong. The kids could choose what they wanted to do for gcses and a levels. Not having to just spend all money on his hobbies. Painted the house the colour we want it. Allowed a Christmas tree!

Then there is bigger stuff like not living in constant fear of being raped.
Not spending 2 or 3 months at a time being blanked for putting a foot out of line. No longer covered in bruises so don't have to hide in an oversized hoody.

Sitting on the sofa watching TV, turning to the side I'm not sitting next to him. Not having to listen to his endless lists of everything I'm doing wrong.

Having a movie night without him causing an arguement

I have my own opinion again.

I can go on holiday anywhere I like.

Agree, no eggshells or second guessing myself.

Less anxiety.

Wear what I want.

Finding out who I am, really, not what I'm told I am.

I’m following as about to do the same. I hope you make some lovely memories op x

The best for me was the complete relief of not having to tread on eggshells constantly. Or second guessing every single thing that I might have done wrong to upset him. Good luck OP, your life is just starting and it will be wonderful! x

For me, leaving an abusive relationship was like cutting off a dead limb. It was draining the life out of me. Sure, it was painful and scary at first. But now my life is blossoming! I make my own decisions and my life is better than ever before. My daughter is free to be herself in her home.

I don't have to live every day on edge. Feeling anxious I might 'do something wrong' or that he'd explode at the tiniest thing. My life and home is now calm and I feel content.

You're doing the right thing. Your life will be immeasurably better in the long run ❤️

Got a degree and an excellent job.

Got the kids passports and took them on holiday.