To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

Wouldnt bother me either way as long as he prioritised our children and ensured they were financially protected. I would want my assets to be passed to my children not his new partner.

Of course I would want him to be happy and would consider that what he does after I’m dead is neither any of my business or my concern.

I'd want him to move on but also to ensure our children are prioritised and that "my" money is protected for them.

I would want him to be happy but not actually marry , I don't want anyone else having a financial impact on my children

We’ve had this chat as only married very recently having met a couple of years ago in our 50s. My DH would not hang around. He is very eligible, fun handsome and kind. I feel really horrible at the thought of him with someone else but as others have said I’d be gone and would wish for him to have a great life with someone else as his significant other and best friend. He has had form for choosing some dodgy women to have long term relationships with in the past though so I might need to coach him on not rushing into things as quickly as we did! My dad in his 80s is enjoying the OLD experience and twice has been nearly fleeced into changing his will for some younger seemingly lovely but actually bad women

Lots worried about inheritance going to the new partner instead of the children. Make sure it doesn’t then! Have that conversation between you while you’re alive! Get adult children involved so they can advice the parent about wills, trusts etc!

We talked about this when I was getting sterilised. He’d offered to be the one to do it but I was already under the knife having a caesarean it made sense for it to be me anyway. I’m disabled and couldn’t put my body through another pregnancy so there’s no way I’d want more kids no matter what happened to him. I said if I died he might meet someone who wanted a baby of their own and I didn’t want him to miss out on the opportunity of a good relationship or my children to miss out on the chance of having a loving mother figure because of a decision he made for my benefit only. He was absolutely adamant he would want no more children no matter what. I’m not sure where he stands on the idea of a new relationship, but he’d absolutely have my blessing. I know he would always put the kids first in any such decision.

He wouldn’t like the idea of me meeting someone new, but he doesn’t need to worry about that. I love him dearly and wouldn’t want to be without him, but no fucking way would I ever let another man share my precious space. Also, DH is very well insured due to how much I would struggle functioning without him because of my disability. There is no way I would ever risk anyone getting into a position where they could make a claim on that money. If he dies that money is his money, for his family, and no one else.

For how many years would you want him to suffer?

My DP died last year.
We never had any discussions about this. However, I have been through pure hell in the last year. The life I'm living now is dreadful. Beyond anything anyone that hasn't gone through this could ever possibly imagine. Those people putting restrictions on their partner's, future happiness have clearly not been through what i've been through. Nobody who truly loves their partner would put restrictions on what they do after their own death to try to get themselves out of the pure hell, that is my current life.

I had a health scare last year, and actively thought about who he should marry and whether I knew anybody who’d be a good match. I love him and want him to be happy, that includes after I’m gone.

Fine as long as zero of my assets were passed to her on DH death and went to our DS. What he does with his own assets is up to him. Our finances have a definite divide.

no absolutely not. He isn't the best of husbands anyways and we have 2 DC with complex needs. I couldn't imagine a stranger being able to cope with the multitude of challenges that come with it (and I guess any woman would run).

Both in our mid 50’s. I don’t think he’d be happy single if I died first so I’ve told him to go find someone just let my body go cold first. Me I think I’d be happy being a crazy cat and dog lady!

This is exactly how I feel - he should be happy and if that means a new wife then as long as she’s kind to our DD then all good.

I wouldn't want him to risk our children's inheritance so I'd want him not to remarry or at least protect the children if he does. I don't the money to go to some other woman's kids.
I also would not remarry for the same reason.

Depends on if there are chilren involved.

I would not want him to re-marry at the detriment of existing children. You see it far too often that the widow/widdower re-marrys and makes a new family - leaving the kids behind.

If i have kids - no- i want you to raise the kids, with the family and friends. I dont want him to be concentrating on woowing a new woman and all the hormones and distractions that come with it.

Once the children are grown, and independant - then thats another thing - untill then no.

I’d want him to be happy with a new partner, but I’d hope that he’s chose wisely and consider the emotional and financial impact. I’d want him to make sure that dd got inheritance (if there is any!).

As long as it isn’t TOO quick and he considers the children’s thoughts and feelings first then I guess so. But who is meeting him at the Pearly Gates because there won’t be room on my cloud for three.

I've never thought about this. Our dc are adults now (technically) so there's no question of caring for children with a new partner on the scene.

I'd want him to do whatever made him happy. I think he'd want that for me. However I've said for the past few years I wouldn't go near another man, partly because he's been pretty wonderful, set the bar high, and partly because of the absolute state of men these days.

Find love, yes. Remarry, no. Or at least, not unless my half of our family assets were already passed down to our children beforehand

Exactly this.

I want my DH to have lots of girlfriends if I go first. I certainly don't want him sat there, lonely and miserable.

DH wanted me to but I have no desires to do so. The idea of living with another man really does not appeal at all. I would've wanted happiness for him in whatever shape that came.

Men always seem to hook up with someone else very quickly, women tend not to or if they do isn't usually swiftly.

It's a reminder to us all to make a will to leave our half of the house to dc. Imagine that, if a dh married someone else, then died himself and the new wife got everything .

Find love, yes. Remarry, no. Or at least, not unless my half of our family assets were already passed down to our children beforehand.

When my grandmother died, all her assets went to my grandfather. He went on to remarry, and died before his second wife. The agreement had been that the household assets would default to his second wife if she outlived him, but then, in her will, she would split those inherited assets between his descendants from his first marriage, and her own extended family.

She didn't. She gave the lot to her family.

I would want DH to be happy so would be fine for him to meet someone new. Also fine with marriage from the 'loving commitment' perspective although hesistant purely re inheritance element.

Caveat is obviously around whether DS would be happy about it/it was right for him, which hopefully would be DH's priority also. If he met a lovely 'mumsy' mum who wanted to care for DS I would be over the moon...not worried about being replaced.

Who would seriously want their loved ones they've left behind to be miserable? That's not love to me. It's possessive and selfish. And silly, given you'd not know!

Having said all this, I don't think I would go looking for a partner myself in this situation.