To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

I'd want him to do whatever brought him happiness because he'd still have a life to live and I'd like that life to be fulfilling and happy for him.

Yes.
But if we had children, I’d want provisions to be in place to ensure their financial security in the event of remarriage to protect their future.
Also, I’d haunt them if the new wife didn’t treat any children like her own. But I would rest peacefully knowing the family I loved & left could feel whole again.

I wouldn’t want him to pick someone up on his way out of the crematorium but I really hope that he meets someone else. She’ll never be as wonderful as me but at least he’ll have some company when he does the big shop.

probably get flamed but here goes! I would be happy for him to move on and have a girlfriend yes but no I wouldn’t want him to remarry (at least until the kids are older) and I wouldn’t want him to move another women into our house. This is mainly based on my belief that blended families are complicated particularly for the children from the first relationship. I know most women say they would love their stepkids as their own and I’m sure they believe it but it mostly doesn’t work out that way, especially if they go on to have their own kids, as seen in the numerous Step family threads on here! And I wouldn’t want my kids to end up being the inconvenient stepkids while their father moves on with his new “real” family. Thankfully my husband has the same attitude and beliefs as me. I can hand on heart say if my marriage failed or my husband died I would never move another man into my children’s home and I would absolutely not be having more kids. A boyfriend who I seen when they are out yeah maybe but a true partner no, not until they are older.

Yes of course - as if I had any say in it.

Before Dh died I was certain he would marry again and I was worried about the impact on ds. All I could do was sort out my will to protect his inheritance. I was fairly frightened about what would happen to him emotionally if it all went ahead. He does have a couple of ‘substitute dads’ who were lovely to him after Dh died, and I can think of a few women who I’m certain would have stepped up to give him at the very least a refuge /open kitchen table/ frequent sleepover at theirs if I hadn’t been around - I’ve seen them do it for other kids in that situation, including the child literally moving in with them for months. But I know that Dh would not have been as fierce in protecting ds as I would be, because Dh was soft as butter to me - a man in love is imo rarely as focused on his kids’ wellbeing as we would ideally like, and the type of partner he hooks up with is a toss-up.

I honestly do not care, I would be dead. People that are not dead should be making the most of their life and not worrying about dead people. Life goes on. I wish happiness first and foremost and if thats marriage then good luck to them.

Different perspective - I married a widower, a father of young kids. His late wife died following an illness and she was very clear she didnt want him to be alone. That helped enormously. What also helped is understanding that love never ever changes - something most people dont seem to get. Meeting me didnt make him miss or love her less.

The heart expands to include more love. I think people often see remarriage as moving on - it is moving forward building more love. My husbands wife is still part of our family, we have photos up, she is still loved by him and the kids and we have had kids together who know all about her. I feel very grateful to her, respectful of her and hope she is glad somewhere to know the family she cherished is flourishing.

If something happened to me, I would absolutely encourage him to date again. Grief is so lonely, so awful, that any additional love or joy in his life would be a gift..

Yes. But I would want the assets from our marriage ring fenced for our children in the event of him pre deceasing the new wife.

Yes, I'd want him to be happy and if that looks like having someone new in his life, he should do it.

Yes this.

I believe people have the absolute right to move on, find a new relationship etc but kids have to come first.
The trauma of a child/teen losing a parent is enough without their remaining parent introducing a new partner too quickly.

I think it would need to be at least a couple of years before dating again and even longer before any introductions are made and depending on how the kids are doing, maybe not getting serious whilst they’re still at home.

I know a few men who were widowed relatively early and all moved on very very quickly. There weren’t joint children involved in any of the cases but it still felt like lightning speed. It was uncomfortable for friends and family and I don’t know any women who have done that.

Personally, I’m happy for my partner to move on but I don’t really want to know about it so I’m glad I’d be dead. And it had better be someone new not an ex or any of our friends. He’ll have to put the work into meeting someone new.

Exactly the same here- in fact my children are the same age as yours and both still live at home. So if I were to go soon and DH met someone, that would be great- as long as my children liked her (I would absolutely expect DH to take this into account).

I think I would perhaps have felt differently if my children were little. The thought of another woman moving in and parenting my small children would have been heartbreaking, but if it was the best thing for them and for DH, then I would want that. It’s hard to know!

DH is lovely and I’d hate for him to be alone. I have told him if this happened and he was not paired up in 3 months I would come and haunt him.

I recently lost my DH 6 weeks after he was diagnosed with cancer. I am 60 and right now cannot imagine ever remarrying or even a new relationship. 2 months in that's obviously unwise anyway, but in a few years time who knows? Certainly if I'd gone first I would have wanted him to be happy and if that meant a new relationship for him I wouldn't have minded at all. We never discussed it though. I'd like to think he would understand if ever I do meet someone... What our DDs would think is another matter and I'd certainly not want to upset them in any way.

Yes, definitely, he’s the best and deserves to be happy. No kids though, so don’t have that to consider.

Doesn't theft effectively mean you want to put a limit on his happiness?

Sure, if he wanted to. I don't have strong feelings about it. My dc are 17 and 19. I'd be more hesitant if they were small. If the roles were reversed I'd stay single though.

I doubt I’ll have strong feelings on the matter, if I’m dead.

As others have said I'd want him to be happy, but not remarry because if worried about my children and inheritance.

My DHs cousin is going through a horrible time because of a gold digging man who has married her dementia suffering mother. This is his third marriage and he has already deprived his prior wife's children of their inheritance from their mother.

That's how I feel. I'd like my DH to have a companion so he's not lonely, but not a serious relationship. Partly because I don't want to be replaced. Partly due to inheritance for our children

I've have wanted him to be happy, but I also think he would have been happier alone if I'd gone first. He was single until he was 45 years old and had a happy fulfilling life before we met. I think he'd have gone back to that and never dated again.

He went first though. We knew it was coming so had a few talks about it. He wanted me to do whatever I needed to have a full life without him. Currently I have no desire to be in a relationship - losing him just seemed to turn that part of me off and I feel no attraction/desire towards anyone. I've been throwing myself into my hobbies instead. I know if things changed and I did meet someone else he'd want me to take that option. He was never insecure or jealous throughout out 15 years together though and always put me first (as I did him).

I'd want my partner to meet somebody.

I probably wouldn't love the idea of them shacking up with some random the week of my funeral lol. But honestly if they met somebody they loved, who loved them and treated them well? Yeah definitely. Happiness is so rare I would want them to take it with both hands. I'd want them to laugh together like we do.

This. Oh and not to give my money to anyone else’s kids!

I would hope DH would find a companion- ideally not marrying them though as I would prefer it if our children got a full
inheritance from him. But he is a very sociable person and would be happier with a partner than on his own.

But he if was to go first, I would live alone with an array of dogs. I wouldn’t seek a partner though might go on some dates if I felt like it.

If you have kids surely you've discussed this? So many men seem to move on so quickly it must be devastating for the dc.

I would want him to be happy and most likely that means to find a new person..

However, I would put rules, such as not while my kids are little. I guess depending on their age.

Also, would make a will so the assets go to the children only and not to a new wife. We both have worked very hard for whatever we have and wouldn't want the money/properties to go to a new wife, only to my DC upon DH eventual death.