To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

Technically engaged not married and no kids.

Absolutely yes, I would want him to meet someone and really would hope that she's a lovely, kind, decent woman who would treat him well. I also wouldn't want her living in my shadow either. I'm dead at thst stage so I would want him to be happy.

I'm very much of the belief that when I'm gone, I'm gone. Same with organising donation - every single part of me that benefits me should be happily given to someone else if it improves their quality of life. I'd be dead and life is for the living.

I'd want them to remarry if they wanted to and to know there was no need to feel any guilt.
However, I'd also want them to ensure the wellbeing of any children was protected. That would include emotional and also financial protection. For example, I would not be impressed if my DH married someone else and his estate ended up going to her and then on to her kids rather than going to any kids we had together.

I'd haunt the pair of them - and Poltergeist has nothing on what I'd be like if she turned out to be unkind to him or my cat.

In reality, of course, I wouldn't. Because I'd be dead and wouldn't know anything about it.

My DH always said that he’d need to go first as whilst he was sure I would cope without him, he couldn’t live without me.
He was right that I have survived without him, and 2 years later I don’t need anyone else. If I had gone first I would have wanted him to be as happy as possible, whatever form that took.

I think it's different if kids and potential inheritance is involved but otherwise I'm not sure why it'd be upsetting when you'd be dead! Of course id want him to meet someone else and live a happy life! Id hate the thought of him old and alone.

My partner told me he wanted me to meet someone new when he was dying-he was quite specific about the type of man I should go for! However, it’s been 8 years and I haven’t bothered. I would have said the same to him-I’d want him to be happy, and if that meant a new relationship, crack on!

@Happyholidays78
My Mum was widowed at 52 and there was definitely a long period before she was deemed to have lost capacity to dementia where she was targeted for her assets, my sister and I were just lucky that it didn’t happen.

I fear the same fate for myself not just DH so very relieved we have something in place.

If he remarried all assets go to his new wife. You need to protect your assets like I have e.g my partner lives in our house until he dies then 50% (my half if you like) goes to our son.

I have the same arrangement in place & it's absolutely essential in my view. I know of 2 families where the wife has died & the men moved on very quickly & did not protect their assets (both had children). You would have never, ever thought these men would have been so stupid but grief & loneliness makes a person very vulnerable.

Those I know who have stayed single are doing it to protect their kids.

Be happy, yes, including being in a relationship if that’s what he wanted. Marry, absolutely not, in order to protect our children’s inheritance. I would also never remarry.

I knew someone whose wife died in the Jan and he took his new girlfriend to a family do 4 months later. That level of insensitivity when there are kids and inlaws to consider is absolutely appalling.

Yes meet someone else but have enough time to heal first. At least a year. Life is too short to not be happy

DH is currently seriously ill and we have had this conversation. I am instructed not to sit at home grieving and he expects that if he doesn't make it, I will find someone else.

If I were to die first, he would need to find someone else so he didn't starve!

No - I’d hope no one else would ever have to put with what I have (and do) and I have a profoundly disabled DC. My only worry in life is my DC - if they die before me I will happily end my life and then he can obviously do whatever he wants but I’d feel tempted to ghost warn the next person.
If I outlive my spouse never again will I allow anyone into my life beyond the most distant professional contact (apart from pre-existing friends).

Wouldn't care id be dead

I'd want him to be remarried, I'd never remarry . I couldn't stand the thought of him being alone .

I like being married. To him. I don’t think being married to anyone else would suit me.

I really REALLY like being on my own. I prefer it to being with others a large proportion of the time. OH understands this and gives me plenty of space. But I enjoy his company. He is self-sufficient and doesn’t expect too much from me. I don’t know that I would find this dynamic with anyone else.

Replies are interesting, I’m dating a widow, he has a young but grown up child and I have the same, we have our own homes, his is mortgage free mine isn’t. We have discussed this and we were protect each of our own assets gained prior to marriage.

I want him to be happy, but I would worry that my daughter’s inheritance would be affected. For instance, we own a house together. If he got remarried and then he died, could she make a claim on the house? I don’t really know, but that would be the only thing that I’d care about. I only have one child so I want her to get everything.

What he does when I'm dead is up to him, I will neither know nor care.

Married no due to inheritance for children. A girlfriend sure.

I've told DH he should not disinherit our children by getting remarried if I died. I have no strong feelings about him having a lover if I'm no longer around (I'd want him to be happy) but marriage is to protect children and it would be actively harmful to his children if he were to remarry.

I definitely think people should ring-fence their assets by leaving DC 50% of their assets willed to the DC, many people found out the hard way, that people do remarry, they don't protect the DC inheritance, the inheritance becomes the new family assets.
Never rely upon someone's word that they'll protect something when you're not here to oversee it.

Yes if he met someone and she made him happy, I'd definitely want that. My only proviso is that she would have to be nice to our sons - otherwise I'd come back and haunt them!!