To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

The more I think about it as well I would not want him having another woman in our house. Idk if that’s bad, but the idea of that actually pisses me off. I’m seething over a hypothetical situation now.

I wouldn't mind DH finding love and companionship again.

I would very much mind him marrying again. It would leave the DC vulnerable legally and financially. I would not remarry in the same circumstances.

Thankfully he is smarter than that so I don't have to worry!

I want him to be happy and not lonely, so he should do want he wants to. I won't look to remarry myself if my DH dies before me though.

This!

So sorry to hear this. I certainly couldn't imagine getting married again 12 weeks after I lost my husband. Be kind to yourself and do what you need to do to get through each day at a time, and start to find moments of happiness when they come along - which they will. You never know - you might meet someone else eventually who you will want to spend the rest of your life with. I was surprised when it happened to me, and I have now been with my second husband way longer than I was with my first husband. But my first husband will always be precious to me and the sadness will never completely go away. My second husband is an amazing man who understands this.

You know when you have a second child and you think you couldn't possibly love them as much as your first? The amount of love you have expands and you love them both just as much, but differently. I have found the same experience with my two husbands. The incredible love and gratitude I have for my second husband does not take away, at all, from the love I had and still have for my first husband.

(Also, being celibate for the rest of my life didn't appeal to me at all either. Once I got to the point of thinking about that and before my now husband came long I thought I might like to find a FWB situation!)

Take care of yourself.

And this is exactly why you can’t rely on your spouses word! know someone who recently remarried at the age of 90. Lovely for them I’m sure but if you are serious about putting your children’s interests first, you need to have a will drawn up leaving your share of the house etc to your children or else it will default to your spouse and then to their new spouse if they do t make a will upon remarrying,

Until you have been in this situation I don't think you can possibly judge. I was widowed with very young children when I was in my 20s. Initially I thought I would never marry again, wouldn't want to, but as it happens a few years later I met someone and we ended up getting married. He hasn't replaced my first husband and our relationships are completely separate. I love him deeply, as I loved my first husband deeply, and it's hard now to imagine having stayed single for the rest of my life.

My first husband and I never discussed what we thought would happen if one of us were to pass away, but I know that he would be glad that I had found happiness again, and that my children had a father. Of course the idea of my husband finding love again and remarrying if I was to die isn't something I like to think about, I would much rather he did though, if it brings joy to his life, than him remaining single for no good reason than to "honor my memory" or some such rubbish.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My older husband after surgery, well there was no more sex. That was tough , it's the closeness I think.

We've agreed neither of us would remarry for this reason.

Also I don't want to cook, clean or have the bother of another man permanently in my life.

I'm okay about socialising, maybe holidaying I think if he's easy going and good company. But I'm in a different age bracket to some on here. If I was young again with children I might have considered it.

My DH and I had discussed this and both said we'd like each other to find someone else if it happened.

We have 5 children aged 22, 20, 14, 11 and 6.

He died 12 weeks ago.

I can't imagine wanting another serious relationship in the future and I certainly wouldn't be thinking of living with someone else until my youngest is an adult.

Tbh the thought of any relationship makes me sick but I'm aware it's very early days and who knows how I'll cope with widows fire if or when it hits but the thought of no sex for the rest of my life, at 40, doesn't appeal at all!

I can’t imagine being upset at the idea of my DH finding someone else after I’m gone. I love him and would want him to be happy and not lonely. I know I can trust him to put the needs of our 2 DDs (16 and 13) first.

I'd be dead, so I wouldn't care. I wouldn't instigate this topic with him either, his life after me would be his to live, as would mine be should be go first. But I will say I know a man who clearly absolutely loved his wife who died, and who absolutely loves his wife now. You can just see it. There's nothing to be gained from comparing those big loves of his life.

Why should I care? I’d be dead. As long as the kids were provided for.

OK
You're just avoiding the question. No point to engaging with you.

I d want them to be happy, yes.
I wouldn't be against them remarrying per se, but I definitely want our family's wealth or assets going only to our children, and not other people's children. Remarriage can complicate this, do you agree?

@Sunflowersurprise Some people prefer “passed away” as it sounds less literal than “died”, I suppose.

I rather like it, I prefer to think that my Mum passed away tbh. 🤷

Having seen what step mothers on here are like most of the time, I would absolutely hate my DH to remarry

Well my child wouldn't be ready for a stepmother after a couple of weeks even if my husband could get over my death that quickly 🙃

Just saw the trailer for that new Elizabeth Olsen film this morning. I wonder if @ForPeachDreamer did too?

Do you mean died? If so why don’t you say ‘died’?

I'd want him to be happy and to do whatever he wanted to be happy, if that meant re-marrying, then fills his boots.

I'd only be concerned that our son wasn't disadvantaged, i.e. that he still inherited a fair share of our joint estate, and that OH still looked out for him, rather than concentrating all his attention etc on his new wife and her family, but I'd trust him to be fair and do the right thing!

But you want to control how long that is. Shouldn't it be his decision? He's the one going through grief.

Why do pp's assume that the new lover would be happy in the relationship without marriage.

My Dad was miserable after my Mum died. Luckily he met my lovely step-Mum two years later. She was also widowed and quite happy on her own, but she took pity on my Dad. She realized that he needed a partner and was prepared to take him on. 😂

I was in my 20’s so that made it easier.

I wouldn't want him to suffer, I would expect him to need some time before finding happiness again.