To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

I totally understand the assets issues you reference @Wherearemymarbles . In our case, we have one child. I won't remarry, and I am the likely surviving spouse.

We’ve discussed this and are on the same page and neither would re-marry.
we have a decent amount of assets which will go to our children and even with the best intentions once you marry anything can happen - and yes plenty of spouses, more often women, will happily dis-inherit their step children given the chance

Absolutely. I would want him to do whatever would make him happy. Anything else would feel selfish.

I rather like the idea that there might be new love after bereavement. We're soon to meet the new partner of one of DH's oldest friends, and they have been chums for almost 50 years. We're all old (nearly 70 mostly) and I really am loving the idea that our friend is in love again, three years after losing the woman he loved for 40 years. Hope springs.

I’ve already told my husband I wouldn’t want him to find someone else if I was first to go. I know I’d never want another relationship if the situation was reversed. Even almost 20 years on, we’re both still absolutely besotted with each other and we can’t imagine either of us feeling this way about anyone else.
I’m mid 50s and my husband is not far off retirement, and maybe we’d feel differently if we were much younger.

Lighteningstrikes hits the point here. Very happy to think of DH being happy again with another partner; pissed off in spades if a remarriage should cut out his children in favour of a new partner's.

Look I'd want him to be happy but I have an evil stepmother so I'd probably rather he didn't. He's an amazing dad and I don't want the kids to lose out on that if I'm gone.

I don’t assume it, but would expect DH to avoid relationships with women who were looking for marriage (because he would also want our joint assets to be inherited by our children).

Although of course I would be dead so everyone could do what they want and I’d be none the wiser. 🤷🏼‍♀️

But DH and I have discussed this question several times over the years and he has always said he wouldn’t be looking to remarry.

Meet someone, yes.
Marry someone, no.

I’ve worked too hard to let my/our house go to a new spouse, should he then die.

It should go to our DC.

I’ve seen property getting into the hands of wrong people far too many times.

As long as she was nice to the kids I wouldn't care what he does. I would be very hypocritical if I did care because I would be open to the idea if he ever died..

I would want him to wait a bit of time between me dying and seeing anybody just so he doesn't make any stupid decisions then not introduce anybody to the kids (unless they were fully fledged adults) until he was serious about somebody. In between the two fill our boots and do what you want to do.

If you truly love a person, why on earth would you rather them be lonely & unhappy? The mind boggles. You are not even there anymore to feel any perceived hurt/jealousy. I want all my loved ones to live their best lives and be happy & fulfilled - that is where I find MY joy.

Do you really not trust your spouses enough to believe that would be their first priority when considering a new relationship?

Have you seen what a lot of blokes are like? Sadly a lot don't put their children first and you just don't know what a grieving bereaved bloke will be like. The thread doesn't ask you what would be best for the DH just what you'd want. What I'd want would be the lowest risk to my children which is not for him to remarry.

Not until my DC were late teens or older, purely because it's almost never the best outcome for the DC when someone remarries, and men often choose a younger partner who wants further children.

I might feel differently if DH was a terribly social guy whom I thought would be miserable alone but I don't think he'd be bothered.

I'd want DH to find someone else but not remarry. Seen too many times the nightmare of inheritance going to new spouses children eventually instead of the persons own kids (i.e. wife dies and all money left to husband who remarries then dies leaving all money to his new wife to then leaves it to her kids). Any money of ours I want to go to our children.

So many people on this thread concerned about their children's wellbeing and inheritance! Do you really not trust your spouses enough to believe that would be their first priority when considering a new relationship?

Ultimately, I’d want him to be happy BUT I have already told him that if he is to remarry, besides the emotional side of needing them to love/be good to my children, he is to completely ring fence my children’s inheritance and absolutely not have any more children. I’ll be damned if I have everything we worked for together going to a new wife and, potentially, step siblings and for DC to feel ‘second best’ in the shiny new family life. Also he is more than welcome (not that it’s up to me!) to shag whoever he wants, whenever he wants, but I’d want him to be a bit classy about it and ensure that my children never know about it and then to be as sure as a person can possibly be about a new partner before introducing them to my babies. I rather think he’s emotionally mature enough to know all of this anyway, but you know. Better to say these things.
I nearly died a couple of years ago, sepsis, when my eldest was barely 18 months old, and it brought a lot of conversations to the forefront so it is something we’ve discussed. He’s such a good man and such a good husband, I’d hate to think he’d be alone forevermore…. I just don’t particularly want to imagine him loving anyone else!

I wouldn't want him to marry because of the children's inheritance but he should be happy and find a partner if he wants. Ok I wouldn't actually like that but I would tell him that's what he should do.

I don't have very strong feelings but if I shuffle off this mortal coil before DH, I'd like to put it on record that he has my blessing and encouragement to seek new happiness. We'[re both 70, and have one child, so the only limitation on this blessing, is provided our child inherits ahead of your new partner. Too few people understand that a marriage rewrites an earlier will. You make a new will before the wedding to protect your childrens' interests.

Nope id want him to mourn me everyday and have me stuffed and sit me next to him to watch the telly. If he wants a new girlfriend she would have to accept me too. Sat their watching and judging.

This might sound unreasonable but I wouldn't want him to remarry. As it turns out it's my DH who's passed and I'm the one left behind and there's absolutely no way there will ever be anyone else. I'd like to thing his feelings matched mine.

I think you need to be smarter than that too and ensure your will ring fences your inheritance for them not him so if he’s old and senile and taken advantage of they don’t lose everything as they still have your inheritance.

Nope. I’d haunt him if he did… 😅

First post nailed it.

to be honest I would expect him to give a resonable amount of time for our kids to grieve and come to terms with things first and possibly not ever move a new ‘step-mum‘ in to their home until they were ready. But then my will stipulates that my share of the house is the kids and he has the right to live there until he dies but not move any new partner in or he has to sell it / buy out their share of inheritance. I suppose that might seem mean but I don’t want someone else gaining property rights and stopping my children getting their rightful inheritance when both their parents have passed away.

The thing is, you just don't know until you're actually in that situation.

Ok, in all seriousness, I'm avoiding your question because there are genuine widow/widowers on this thread so I don't want to give a specific timeline of when would be ok to date again. I just wouldn't expect someone who really loved me to be able to move on very quickly, but ultimately would want them to be happy again someday. That's all I meant.