To ask if you’d want your husband to remarry if you passed before him?

I would very much want my partner to find another love and be with them - but due to hard won knowledge of inheritance issues, I ask that they never marry them nor leave anything in their Will to them. We are in our late 50s so it is likely that anyone he did meet would similarly have their own assets and life that I would expect them to protect the same.

It’s great that you have been happily remarried for 20 years, but your attitude towards @chattyness who said SHE wouldn’t want to remarry is just unpleasant to be saying she doesn’t know her own mind. Some people don’t want to. I know a few women who have ruled it out, one remained a widow for over 30 years until her own death and another is approaching a couple of decades as a widow. In recent years some very dear friends have been widowed, I don’t know what their futures hold but whatever they say I will not argue as if they don’t know what they want.

I said at the beginning of the thread that I’m all for people moving forward, but only if they feel they want to.

🤣🤣🤣

🙄

Sure, I can haunt them both then. Great fun.

Passed what?

Do you mean died?

@Gpdp 🤣

I like murder mysteries and my DH says that it worries him that I’m gathering ideas!

At 40 I felt I would move on
At 52 I would have said definitely never again.
After the last year, its looking more likely DH will die at my hand than of natural causes. If I go first, you are warned, don't touch him with a barge pole.

yes lets agree to disagree, I'm glad you found someone and are happy, but as I said before I'm 60 now and really hoping not to lose him anytime soon. I really don't have the energy or will to start again & I say that with 100% certainty.

We will have to agree to disagree. No, I don't know you, and I'm glad you are someone who would be content to be by yourself. I'm sure you are probably right that you would be unlikely to remarry. I just don't think you can say that with 100% certainty. And you absolutely can't know how you would feel if you were to be widowed if you never have been.

When I was widowed I was certain I would never remarry either. I wasn't looking and it wasn't on my radar. Yet I've been (very happily) remarried for almost 20 years now.

You don't know me, yes I can, I am absolutely certain. I'm 60 years old and I know my own heart & mind. I don't get lonely and I wouldn't be looking . I live in a small village keep to myself.Yes I would miss my DH, but I would definitely be happy in my own company.

I'd like him to move on but I'd want a few good years of grieving. I'll haunt him if he replaces me like a broken toaster.

A woman is dying and asks to talk to her husband.
She's says to him that "after I'm gone I have no issue with you finding another partner".
He says "thank you".
She then says "I would have no issue with her living in our house".
He says "thank you".
She then says "I would have no issue with her sleeping in our bed".
He says "thank you".
She then says "I would have no issue with her playing golf with you like we used to do, she can use my clubs"
He says "No she can't she's left handed....".

I'm sorry but you can't 100% say that. You just don't know what would happen or how you would feel should you be widowed.

I'm sorry for your loss but glad for you that you've found happiness again, there's no need to feel stupid about it enjoy it! 😀
My happiness will be spending the last of my time alone though, I really am that sure. I live in a remotish area and we keep to ourselves, which I love, I like my peace, atm I'm 60, I just don't want to start again. I'm really hoping I go first though.

My DH died 4 years ago and I said exactly that, before and after he got sick and for about 3.5 years after he died. Things change and I feel a bit stupid now 🤣

Yes I really do know, if we were to divorce now I don't want to marry or even live with anyone again ever & for me it would be no different if my husband died before me, I would choose to be alone, being alone wouldn't be lonely for me, I enjoy my own company.
I want my husband to be happy and not lonely so he can choose for himself, it's up to him.

I’m so sorry about your diagnosis.

you may need to look into whether you are joint tenants or tenants in common & if you are joint tenants you need to formally sever that or the whole house will automatically go to your husband.
you need to see a solicitor to advise you.

Put it in a will. I'm so so sorry about your diagnosis. 💐

Sorry about your diagnosis , surely better to leave a will with your half of the house to your db? More secure than forbidding marriage.

This is a live issue with us as I have stage 4 cancer. We don’t have kids. I’ve asked him not to remarry. Fine to have another partner and live with them etc but I don’t want some other woman getting my money if he dies before her! Currently once we are both dead it’s split between siblings and I want to know my brother will still benefit.

I’d want him to be happy, but not to love her more than he loved me :-)

We are older, my DH is 71, I am younger but not in good health. Realistically we may each live another 10 years but not necessarily. With that in mind - no I wouldn't want my DH to find somebody else. I wouldn't want anybody else if he went before me.

I know it sounds selfish.

Yeah it's that that's nuts, wariness of step parents is a different story to me

Really? That seems a pretty unusual view point to me.

I don’t know anyone who would consider a windower re-marrying “unfaithful”