Wrong Underwear - I am Ungrateful

This

Would you still feel sexy if you were a top-heavy size 14 and he had bought you a 32A bra and size 8 thong? Because that seems to be what her DH (and MIL!!) are doing.

Too true. That is very odd.

When your mother in law buys you.undies it's even weirder!

Just explain our bodies change and it will be easier for you to buy underwear and he can start buying other nice gifts.
It was only this morning I threw out a lot of old underwear which 5 years ago I would have happily worn, but my body and underwear preference has changed and now I buy a different style. (I definitely went for bigger knickers after having children 🤣)

Just tell them, very clearly and directly, that you do not wish to receive any more gifts of underwear!

If your birthday is approaching, say to your DH and MIL, "oh, by the way, please don't give me underwear for my birthday any more. I'd much rather choose my own."

Buy him trousers for his next gift three sizes too small and then get annoyed at him if he complains.

This is just weird. How much underwear do you need?? Tell him thats enough now and you will buy your own, once you’ve worn out the mountain you must already own.

Buy him an extra small pair of underpants from M & S and an extra large. Give for B/day or Xmas as appropriate.

Isn't it just.

I'd pre-empt it now.... act as if you don't know it's there and politely ask that he doesn't buy you underwear as your body is changing and it's soooo difficult to get the right fit, but could you please have x, y and/or z instead.

How can he refuse?! Hopefully he'll send all the bloody underwear back.

"He will only get annoyed and does not listen"
Huge red flags. You have a problem here, and it's not with the ludicrous underwear "gifts".
They're a symptom.
Some serious conversations need to happen. He doesn't respect you and you have no agency in this. Awful.

Ergh what Bizarre non presents

Vinted or charity shop.

Ask for gift receipts for everything going forward.

Also to reassure you of how nuts this is. Most people dont even buy each other clothes let alone underwear during to variations in fit.

I dont correctly fit all styles in my size at one retailer let alone a range of them and a bad fitting bra os horrendous.

When a man buys you underwear its not a gift for you, its a gift for him.

The OP is a very clear example of this in action.

If it’s still in the bags, can you take it back to M&S and at least exchange it for the right size before your birthday?

He keeps buying you the wrong thing despite being repeatedly told it’s the wrong thing and thinks he’s the one who should be annoyed?! I think you need to get properly cross. What he’s doing is just not okay. And if he keeps it up stop buying presents for him at all since he’s deliberately getting your “presents” he knows you can’t use. I’d use the changing shape and want to buy my own underwear line with your mum in law though as it’s a gentler way to handle it and it seems likely she’s taking the lead from her son in this.

Oh its thoughtful all right, just not towards the OP. I'm sure he's put a lot of thought into what he'd like to see OP wearing.

I wouldn't stand for this nonsense OP. Explain clearly calmly for one last time that yes you ARE ungrateful as there's nothing to be grateful for as you don't bloody want ot on the first place.
Either he considers your feelings/ desires in future or you will just forgo any future presents completely.

Don't be afraid to make a fuss/ take a stand here.

Underwear is not a present. I will never forget the year my father bought my mother lingerie for Christmas. Right underneath the Christmas tree my mother was yelling at him and my siblings and I asked “what is wrong with you?!”

Mum returned everything and bought cotton full briefs.

Perfume is a gift, jewellery is a gift, expensive makeup is a gift, a car is a gift, some clothes (if they are wanted) is a gift.

I cannot imagine a relationship in which you can't just say no more underwear, please!

It's hardly a sensitive topic!

Just tell him and his mother you have more than enough now and it's a waste of money to get more.

If DH gets arsey about it he is , frankly, strange.

I see no reason why you should try and make him feel better.
hey dh, tell me, what do you think of a man a who buys his wife for her birthday and christmas something she said she no longer likes, many times, and it doesn’t fit her, and then HE gets mad at her if she dares mention it? This goes on for years, to the point where she feels depressed about her birthday and Christmas because it sucks to feel like your husband just doesn’t care what you think. By the way, this is me, and I’ve decided to stop getting depressed and get mad. Am I going to get underwear I do not like, do not want, have told you that repeatedly and also does not fit for my birthday? If I am can you let me know so I can invite a friend away with me for a real birthday. Tell your mum too, she’s not invited for Christmas if she gives me underwear again. I will ask her to leave. Can I be any more clear? And if you want to get mad at me door is that way.

Post should say upset.

This isn’t just about underwear is it?

Firstly, if it’s sexy underwear, he’s buying it for him (or at best the two of you. 🙄) and this means it’s not a present for you so even if he buys you the most perfect underwear set ever, it’s still not your present. I would always ask where is the real present.

Secondly, his attitude towards you - expecting you to be grateful for something that doesn’t fit is appalling. Then, he doesn’t return the items so you are left without even the cash for the underwear. He’s behaving in a controlling and entitled manner.

Thirdly, the fact you are reluctant to post him by raising this point again shows the effect this man has on you. You’re too compliant and afraid to upset him for something so small and reasonable. This suggests abuse, coercive control at the least.

I would have a look at the rest of your marriage and see what else you’re having to “compromise” on and how often you walk on eggshells.

The underwear is not the issue- just a symptom of it.

I don’t understand the references, is it sexy lingerie or basic underwear? Personally I would just let him carry on and just never wear it, he’ll soon get the hint.

Just tell them to stop wasting their money.

Leave the "gifts" in their packaging out on the dressing table and stop buying them presents.

Buy your own underwear.

I would do what I do as people seem to have a strange idea of what present I would like.

(Ashtrays and bottles of wine for someone who is a non smoker (never ever had a single puff of a cigarette). and doesn’t drink alcohol)

I say I don’t want gifts. Once someone who I hadn’t known long said they didn’t want me to miss out on gifts and gave me a scarf that they tried to tie around my neck
I have a primal thing about material being around my neck and had what felt like a full blown panic attack.

Dont think I ever went out with this person again