Wrong Underwear - I am Ungrateful

If your husband enjoys buying and seeing you in nice underwear, why not agree to look online together and find something that suits you both? You could even arrange to wear it on a nice night out, something to look forward to when you get back.

Simple solution that will suit you both.

He shows no respect for your feelings. Why should you care about his?

And buy his mum a vibrator 🤣

Buy him a man’s thong next time and see if he likes it….

On his next birthday make sure to buy him something similar to what he likes but a size too small and colour he doesn’t like.

Start buying MIL granny pants.

Tell them both to stop buying you things you have said you don’t like. They are being weird and totally dickish

This.

The fact that he and his mother both buy you underwear gives me serious serial killer vibes though. How ick inducing.

I would not let anyone choose or buy my underwear, particularly bras! They have to fit properly and incorrect fitting underwear is uncomfortable

I simply couldn't tolerate such waste.
No way would i appreciate the gift.
Ffs that is really annoying.
Hd sounds like a petulant twat.
Yanbu.
Vouchers from now on, no discussion

So you’ve got a present that wasn’t genuinely for you in the first place and doesn’t even fit - basically no present at all - and his response to that is to sulk and accuse you of being ungrateful because you’re not sufficiently thrilled with a sex bra you can’t bloody wear? And in this scenario you’re worried about his feelings? Fucking hell.

If that’s what he likes, I suggest for every Christmas and birthday from now on you get yourself a really lovely expensive underwear set and give it to him as his gift. Along with a list of what you actually want for your own birthday and Christmas presents.

And as for his mum, you really need to tell her to knock the sexy knickers on the head and get you a box of chocolates or something. Because that’s just weird.

I'm assuming it's your birthday soon. Take out all the stuff he's already bought you and leave in a pile somewhere visible - and when he asks what's all this out for, you say "Oh that stuff you bought me that doesn't fit but you don't let me return? bagging it up for the charity shop/ebay/vinted as I've got no space for any of it".

Ugh. I find this icky. Especially as he won’t listen.

Tell him to buy you something other than underwear. Or if he’s really keen to see you in fancy underwear that he’s treated you to, ask him to give you a budget and you “surprise” him on your birthday with a lovely set you’ve picked out yourself. Everyone is a winner.

You have my sympathy op. DH used to do the same. Hideously expensive stuff, clearly designed for his benefit and horribly uncomfortable and imo tacky.

Tell him in no uncertain terms you don’t want to receive underwear again. If he gets it regardless out it in the bin. Repeat until he gets the message. It’s what I did and it works eventually.

As for your MIL, wtaf!

DH loves buying me underwear for Christmas and birthday

Nah... DH loves buying himself new underwear and uses your birthday and Christmas presents as an excuse.

You're not actually getting any birthday or Christmas presents.

If you feel malicious, think of something you'd really like and that isn't for him (your favourite perfume, a spa day, etc) and give him that for his birthday. See how he likes it.

Alternatively, show him the unused underwear; and tell him he's wasting money, you don't wear it, it doesn't fit and you're not 28 anymore. If he wants to buy sexy underwear because he finds it arousing, then it shouldn't be a birthday gift. If you don't mind the underwear, suggest going shopping together so he can see what you'd actually like and what fits.

As for your MIL... I'd start giving her wrong sized sexy knickers for her birthday present. See how she likes it.

So long as the hygiene stickers (plastic protective stuff over the crotch) are intact and tags are on you can return underwear and swimwear in the UK. Earrings can’t be returned.

My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt.

'DH, how would you feel if for your birthday and Christ lamas presents going forward I spend over £100 on clothes that you don't like, wouldn't wear and are the wrong size?'

Why is he choosing such crap presents for you and then being 'resentful' when you object?£

Another suggestion - throw them in the bin where he can see them.

Mind you, that no doubt will start a row, but maybe it will get the message across.

I thought this too.

No, it's crazy, what are you supposed to do with underwear that isn't suitable for you? His crazyness for not giving you the receipts, I'd be asking for my gift too.

My MIL always used to buy me M&S knickers at Christmas ( with her ex staff discount !). That was weird, as if I was mostly a reproductive vessel as far as she was concerned.Mercifully these days I just get a voucher.

If it’s currently still in date, return it now and exchange for some other stuff you actually want and stick it in his cupboard! Fine to do that if you’ve already had the discussion with him multiple times. It’s sad that you would have to do that though. You could just tell him you found his stash and it will all be going straight to the charity shop because its wrong! Also tell your MIL straight not to buy you underwear and that you would prefer a voucher - threaten her with the charity shop too if necessary.

Did you enjoy getting underwear from him when you were younger? Would you like to get underwear from him now, if he could get the requirements right?

If so, use this birthday as the opportunity to show him what the issues are. And I mean show. Not on your birthday, but the next week end or something, bring him into the bedroom and “model” it for him. Point out how it doesn’t fit and tell him what sizes you need (send it as an email after and point out he can always check what you currently wear). Tell him why the style doesn’t work for you anymore and what does. Tell him about the way unpadded bars make your boobs look and feel and why you don’t like it, or how non-underwired bras do x, y and z for you nowadays. Tell him you’re doing this because you love that he buys you underwear, you love that he spends time thinking of you like that, that it makes you feel good that you’re still so attractive to him (or whatever positives it does for you) and that you want to be able to actually wear the underwear and feel good in it and know that he bought it for you.

If you don’t really like that he buys you underwear I would bite the bullet and have a bit of a go at him. He’s being pretty thoughtless if he can’t be bothered to check your size and hasn’t changed anything despite you asking for receipts and, presumably, never wearing it. In many ways even if you like the idea he needs a bit of a kick up the bum. Thoughtlessness needs reining in early on, because it slowly destroys relationships.

Don't be confused, this isn't a gift for you. There is no thought or care for you going on here. He likes to buy underwear that he likes the look of. It will not fit you, you won't like it? He doesn't give a shit. He will get annoyed or refuse to listen if you tell him the the gifts he is buying you are unwanted and unsuitable, because the gifts are nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. He's doing what he wants and expecting you to like it. Vile.

My husband too has a taste for me in fancy underwear. How we handle it is that I buy things that I know will work for my middle aged body and wrap them up and give them to him as gifts.

It’s not a gift for me. I like my plain cotton, practical items. It’s a gift for him and one I am
happy to indulge from time to time, but we are clear about it.

Exactly this.
If he can't be bothered to make a note of your size then this gift isn't about you at all.