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Original poster

Wrong Underwear - I am Ungrateful

240 replies

FurlaMetropolis · 30/07/2025 12:43

DH loves buying mew underwear for Christmas and birthday, used to be a mix of Janet Reger and Ted Bker from Debenhams and best of M&S, now mainly Rosie from M&S and occasionally Autograph. For some weird reason, MIL does the same, which is weird and uncomfortable but that’s another story.

I guess he enjoys a bit of online browsing:-)

But now that I am in mid 40s, it’s not just about how it looks on a model, it has to work for me. My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt. I feel ungrateful and fussy.

Putting laundry away now, 3 packets in the wardrobe, expensive stuff, none of it is right. The bags only just been opened by him, sat in wardrobe for weeks, the return window will have passed my birthday. It’s over £100 of really nice sets. I feel like crying partly because greedily I feel robbed of birthday presents, partly frustrated by the repeat of Christmas and last year’s birthday. I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway. No doubt MIL will bring more if the same…

OP posts:
Sadworld23 · 31/07/2025 19:00

Hrft but find something expensive you like, that's a bit sexy and tell him your size. .maybe he'll buy it for you instead.

The mil I can't comment though

Y737 · 31/07/2025 18:58

I’m sure you’ll be able to exchange rather than money back once you explain why…I have the same issue with perfume - I get very expensive stuff that I don’t really want…

EfficientWordsmith · 31/07/2025 18:45

Buy him REALLY TIGHT budgie smugglers and sit back, filing your nails, with a glass of wine at the ready and watch him turn purple as he tries to get into them. If he moans, next time get him big, baggy xxl boxers that will drown him....he will hopefully get the message!!!

ErrolTheDragon · 31/07/2025 18:38

Ffs. Obviously YANBU.
Gifts are meant to please the recipient, not the giver. Of course they can do both - DH asks what I want, I name some piece of garden weaponary eg a hori hori or new loppers, he seems to quite enjoy choosing them.

thestudio · 31/07/2025 18:32

It's not just the fact that it's the wrong type - it's that it's underwear at all.

It's the most selfish, uncaring, depressingly predictable present a man can buy for himself.

Is he selfish and uncaring in other ways? If so, then that is the real problem.

I won't say anything about his mother 🤐

Sweatybettyinthisheat · 31/07/2025 18:31

Use your voice and tell them both to stop. Maybe even send them links to stuff you'd really like as a gift.

MIL buying you underwear is well weird too.

LoopyLoo1991 · 31/07/2025 18:21

BF comes shopping with me and I pick out stuff, we discuss it and he pays for it. Okay I know online is different , but I'm sure if you talk about it and order stuff together it'll work out for the best in the long run.
Since I've started earning better money, I mostly buy my own stuff - but the odd shopping 'treat' is nice a couple times a year.

Jumpers4goalposts · 31/07/2025 18:15

YANBU I told my husband never to buy me clothing I said to him if I went shopping I’d try on loads of stuff before I found something I’d like and unfortunately he just won’t get it right. It’s made life less stressful and birthdays more pleasant.

Shotokan101 · 31/07/2025 18:14

Ask/tell him to stop buying for his dream girlfriend instead of you.....

Frillysweetpea · 31/07/2025 18:08

Ask him why shops employ specialist bra fitters if he says you are ungrateful. Honestly, he's being a dick. You can bet your bottom dollar that if men needed personalised support garments for their balls and you kept getting it wrong, he would be the first to complain.

Justsewsew · 31/07/2025 17:33

MageQueen · 30/07/2025 14:06

Well, if I didn't have much money and my MIL was going to treat me to something, there are a million things I'd prefer over "nice underwear". Cashmere jumper. Fancy face cream. Nice cookware.

If she needs and wants underwear, perhaps a voucher then. But for my money, a grown woman buying another grown woman underwear is just weird and inappropriate.

Show quote history

I did buy a voucher last time. I guess it's that i like underwear so thought everyone did 🤣. To be clear, I am talking a six pack of knickers from m&s not a pair of nipple tassles. I do feel weird now though 🤣

OneWittyLemonCat · 31/07/2025 10:40

He clearly still fancies you and wants to connect physically. Yes he hasn’t approached it in the most perfect way, but it’s hardly like he’s been bulk buying from Anne Summers. I suspect his reaction is partly due to the awkwardness/feelings of slight rejection from stuff getting returned (which is obviously completely reasonable on your part)

Perhaps suggest you browse together and pick some stuff.

FleurDeFleur · 31/07/2025 10:04

I wonder why people start threads and don't come back?

FinallyHere · 30/07/2025 23:47

Figcherry · 30/07/2025 12:45

Buy him expensive pants for his birthday in the wrong size.

Better still, buy the things you want for his birthday present , to drive home that you should get to choose your own presents.

BellissimoGecko · 30/07/2025 23:00

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/07/2025 12:45

He’s buying it for himself not you.

Tell him you want a proper birthday present.

Yes, this.

What a lazy twar. Then being so immature that he can’t discuss it and gets defensive? Eurgh. Why would you want to have sex with him?

A good partner listens, knows what you might like, or asks you. A gift is for you, not for him!!

RawBloomers · 30/07/2025 22:54

goingtotown · 30/07/2025 19:21

It’s your fault he’s wasted his money if you don’t communicate with him.

She does communicate with him. She asks for the receipts, which clearly says “These don’t work for me.”

goingtotown · 30/07/2025 19:21

It’s your fault he’s wasted his money if you don’t communicate with him.

KeepDancing1 · 30/07/2025 19:18

You could always pack up and send off all the unwanted underwear to the charity Smalls for All - they accept new pants and new or ‘lightly-worn’ bras. Make sure your husband sees what you’re doing - and maybe suggest to your MiL that she does the same?

Sunflowersurprise · 30/07/2025 18:58

Grim! This is a present for him, not you! And y guy buying his other half underwear is a sleaze in my book.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 30/07/2025 18:55

Love these threads that are started, get a shit load of answers and are abandoned by the OP.
What post if you weren't going to engage?

Anyways, the whole thing is ick inducing and agree with whoever said serial killer vibes.

Petitchat · 30/07/2025 18:41

Is this a usual thing on Mumsnet?
To start a thread about ladies knickers and bras, then disappear?

Just wondering.....

Newusername1234567 · 30/07/2025 18:33

What is it with couples who cannot be open and have a conversation regarding unwanted gifts? If you cant/dont know how mention it to him without causing a drama how do you sort anything important between you two? Just tell him you love his taste but it doesnt work for you bc this or that.

ThinWomansBrain · 30/07/2025 18:33

Figcherry · 30/07/2025 12:45

Buy him expensive pants for his birthday in the wrong size.

budgie smugglers that are way too small😂
or long johns

MyCoralHedgehog · 30/07/2025 18:30

Just tell him! You can do it in a jokey way saying you’ve got so much underwear now you could start a shop. Put the new unworn underwear on Vinted and make sure he sees you doing it and explain it just doesn’t fit

Bikergran · 30/07/2025 18:28

M & S will usually accept returns without a receipt but give you a credit note rather than a refund. In future I would write down your size and requirements and put them in his wallet.