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Original poster

Wrong Underwear - I am Ungrateful

240 replies

FurlaMetropolis · 30/07/2025 12:43

DH loves buying mew underwear for Christmas and birthday, used to be a mix of Janet Reger and Ted Bker from Debenhams and best of M&S, now mainly Rosie from M&S and occasionally Autograph. For some weird reason, MIL does the same, which is weird and uncomfortable but that’s another story.

I guess he enjoys a bit of online browsing:-)

But now that I am in mid 40s, it’s not just about how it looks on a model, it has to work for me. My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt. I feel ungrateful and fussy.

Putting laundry away now, 3 packets in the wardrobe, expensive stuff, none of it is right. The bags only just been opened by him, sat in wardrobe for weeks, the return window will have passed my birthday. It’s over £100 of really nice sets. I feel like crying partly because greedily I feel robbed of birthday presents, partly frustrated by the repeat of Christmas and last year’s birthday. I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway. No doubt MIL will bring more if the same…

OP posts:
LoveHearts69 · 30/07/2025 12:54

I’d say ‘oh if you were thinking of getting me underwear for my birthday please don’t as my size has changed and I’d rather try things in on in store going forwards, I’d love a new jumper or something though!’

TomatoSandwiches · 30/07/2025 12:53

Does your MIL buy you underwear because it's the only thing your husband suggests when/if she asks?

ToInfiniteaAndBeyond · 30/07/2025 12:53

I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway.

What’s the alternative? You continue to get rubbish presents and your resentment of him continues to build.

If you’re unable to raise things like this without him sulking, your marriage clearly isn’t in a great state as it is.

What outcome are you actually hoping for here? Do you want to stay married to him?

Nsvdi · 30/07/2025 12:51

Tell him you now have plenty of underwear and don't want any new anymore. You must have a lot by now, so it's true enough.

KarmenPQZ · 30/07/2025 12:51

A month before your birthday / Christmas treat yourself to new underwear and make a big deal saying you’re so happy you’ve now got all the underwear you need and it’s exactly what you want. Maybe with 2 weeks to go say ‘I’ve been thinking of my birthday and I’d like x y or z’ specific things he can’t get wrong or even general like a new necklace so he can choose himself if that’s what he’d like.

and if he gets you something that doesn’t fit just say matter of fact ‘oh what a shame it doesn’t fit do you want to give me the receipt now or will you handle the return’

TokyoSushi · 30/07/2025 12:49

I assume he then wants to 'see you in the underwear?' Entirely a present for him, and not a present for you at all, ick.

Rattai · 30/07/2025 12:49

I agree with previous poster. Ask him where your present is?
It was good job to return it until it was something that suited/fitted you

toomuchfaff · 30/07/2025 12:48

"don't buy me underwear please, my body is changing, buy me this or this or this"

If he gets annoyed - tough shit - its not your responsibility to fix his emotions. You don't have to "make it better" soften the blow, make sure hes OK with what youve asked. You're not being ungrateful.

It's pure laziness. No effort, no thought.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/07/2025 12:48

How tedious...is that all you get from him?

dogcatkitten · 30/07/2025 12:46

FurlaMetropolis · 30/07/2025 12:43

DH loves buying mew underwear for Christmas and birthday, used to be a mix of Janet Reger and Ted Bker from Debenhams and best of M&S, now mainly Rosie from M&S and occasionally Autograph. For some weird reason, MIL does the same, which is weird and uncomfortable but that’s another story.

I guess he enjoys a bit of online browsing:-)

But now that I am in mid 40s, it’s not just about how it looks on a model, it has to work for me. My minimum requirements are very simple - padded, wired, not balcony, correct size. He manages to get all of it wrong and gets resentful if I ask if he has a receipt. I feel ungrateful and fussy.

Putting laundry away now, 3 packets in the wardrobe, expensive stuff, none of it is right. The bags only just been opened by him, sat in wardrobe for weeks, the return window will have passed my birthday. It’s over £100 of really nice sets. I feel like crying partly because greedily I feel robbed of birthday presents, partly frustrated by the repeat of Christmas and last year’s birthday. I almost don’t want to say anything as he will only get annoyed and does not listen anyway. No doubt MIL will bring more if the same…

Ask for an M&S gift voucher next time and choose your own, let him get you chocolates, flowers/plants, favourite tipple and maybe perfume as actual presents.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/07/2025 12:45

He’s buying it for himself not you.

Tell him you want a proper birthday present.

BleachedJumper · 30/07/2025 12:45

Urgh, that’s crap.

Id ask where my present is. When he says it’s the bag of unusable underwear, I’d say nope, doesn’t fit, replace it.

Figcherry · 30/07/2025 12:45

Buy him expensive pants for his birthday in the wrong size.

Glitchymn1 · 30/07/2025 12:44

Tell them to stop buying your bloody pants and get your own.

Squishymallows · 30/07/2025 12:44

Say something!!! Don’t let you or him waste money.