Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that non of adult siblings got our baby a card

158 replies

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 08:54

We are a happy blended family both with children we had before we met, who are now adults. We see each other all regularly and all the children get on really well and our younger children much adore their older siblings. However it was our youngest child’s 1st birthday and not one of them bought a card let alone a present, in fact she only received one card from a family member, despite us having quite a large immediate and wider family who we all get on well with. She’s such a lovely baby and very much adored by our local friends. Am I unreasonable to feel a little sad about it?

OP posts:
JMSA · 30/07/2025 12:10

Of course it’s the norm to buy a present and card for a family member’s first birthday.
Only on Mumsnet would it not be!

PestoHoliday · 30/07/2025 12:10

Young adults just don't send cards in my experience

Wayk · 30/07/2025 12:08

i would buy a present and be mortified not to. Awful behaviour

NewsdeskJC · 30/07/2025 11:53

To be honest I found this with my youngest and no blended family involved. She was the real baby of the family. 10 years younger than then next nearest sibling and cousin were in their twenties.
I found that our siblings rarely bought cards and presents etc for here. It was odd. But she had a loving large family none the less and was much loved by everyone.
It's like everyone was just over birthdays!

Chillyallday · 30/07/2025 11:26

Did the ones who attended the party buy gifts?

Huggersunite · 30/07/2025 11:21

What ages are the adult children? I think if any have children themselves then they will get it but if they don’t than they are in a very different stage of life but being honest so are you.

You’ve stepped back a stage by starting over again at parenting when you both have adult children which is living life the way you are choosing and they are doing the same living life in their own stage. Your expectations from them are pretty high.

CopperWhite · 30/07/2025 11:10

If you’ve created a blended family and brought a new baby into it, and your only complaint is no birthday card, you are winning at life.

I’d just be grateful that the older children have all accepted the changes gracefully and that it hadn’t had a negative effect on relationships.

redskydelight · 30/07/2025 10:50

Cards aren't really a "thing" these days. Not in the same way that they were when the adult siblings were 1. It will be more normal to look back at online message books or photo albums.

I would value them seeing their sibling over sending a card, and find it a bit odd that you are setting such a store on this. I'd say cards were more for people that weren't there in person (if you do send them). If you'd specifically wanted cards to be a long term memento, I think you needed to specify this in advance.

BMW6 · 30/07/2025 10:50

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 09:13

We’ve kept the cards received for the 1st birthday for all
of our children in their baby boxes and they’ve enjoyed looking at them when they got older

Show quote history

Well that's easily remedied - buy some cards and write them yourself as if from the other relatives you wish had sent cards.

Just use different pens and change your writing a bit, minimal words.

Job done.

blackheartsgirl · 30/07/2025 10:48

The younger generation don’t seem to do cards these days I’ve noticed, my own dc don’t bother with cards for my birthday, I had one birthday card this year although I did get presents and a trip to Beamish 😂.

cards a dying practice I think.

it’s how your family members are with your baby tbh.

i know my dc aren’t that bothered about their own dads other dc, there’s a huge age gap and they are just not that close to them

InternationalHulaClub · 30/07/2025 10:35

I'd expect a card to be given in this situation. Do they remember their other siblings birthdays?

aCatCalledFawkes · 30/07/2025 09:29

I can't put my finger on it but I'm not surprised. Maybe they don't feel the need to as they are coming home to see there baby sibling on their birthday, it's more about presence than presents.

Did they get her any presents? You don't mention that?

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 30/07/2025 09:26

The new child has at least five adult half siblings then? The two who couldn't attend the party, one who did, and two who saw the child the day before?

Expecting five people to give cards to a baby is a lot. They're largely obsolete.

NuffSaidSam · 30/07/2025 09:23

I think cards are dying a death tbh.

If they're teens/young adults it probably didn't even cross their mind.

If they all adore her and you're otherwise a close family I wouldn't let it bother you. Maybe ask them all to write a little note for her to keep in her baby box?

Coffeeishot · 30/07/2025 09:22

Coffeeishot · 30/07/2025 09:09

It doesn't sound a happy family as you think non of them acknowledged their sisters birthday, have you and your husband said anything to them? I don't buy they are busy with their own lives there might be something else going on.

I've changed my mind about this. It just looks mean sorry.

FastFood · 30/07/2025 09:19

Sorry to break the news but I never cared that much about my dad's other kids, I don't even know their birthday.
Blended families are rarely happy for everyone.

SweetFancyMoses · 30/07/2025 09:18

Cards aren’t really a ‘thing’ nowadays, are they? But strange to not buy a half-sibling a present on a first birthday, but maybe they don’t feel close?

Coffeeishot · 30/07/2025 09:18

I don't really send Christmas cards now, my parents and a few others, I still do Birthday cards though.

Octavia64 · 30/07/2025 09:14

Cards are increasingly out of fashion as they are seen as not environmentally friendly.

i have young adult DC and they don’t really do cards.

i remind them each year about their grandma’s birthday as she is old fashioned and expects cards.

they don’t send Christmas cards at all (to be fair I send much fewer) and birthday cards I think my DD wrote one this year for her best friend and my DS didn’t do any.

Pyjamatimenow · 30/07/2025 09:14

We’ve got a similar situation and they don’t buy gifts or get the little one a card. I don’t expect it at all. They’re busy at uni

User79853257976 · 30/07/2025 09:14

Non? What does that mean?

Original poster
Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 09:13

DappledThings · 30/07/2025 09:05

It feels a bit silly buying cards and presents for children who are too young to understand it.

I can't remember if I did for our nieces and nephews or who did for our DC. We didn't for our own at 1.

It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care

We’ve kept the cards received for the 1st birthday for all
of our children in their baby boxes and they’ve enjoyed looking at them when they got older

OP posts:
SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 30/07/2025 09:13

Do they buy cards for all of the other siblings and half siblings?
I'm 40 and don't buy cards, no one I know does.

SusanChurchouse · 30/07/2025 09:13

Can’t work out who hasn’t sent cards, is it your siblings or the baby’s siblings? I think cards are a dying art to be honest. My brother only sends cards to my kids now because my dad reminds him.

Original poster
Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 09:11

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 30/07/2025 09:06

They’ve got their own things going on. They also may feel like they’ve been replaced by your new family together. Did you have a party and invite them?

We do still make a big fuss of them on their birthdays, make an effort to regularly spend time with them, are still giving financial support through uni etc, Yes everyone was invited to her party

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread