To feel sad that non of adult siblings got our baby a card

yes that’s very sad. Perhaps ask them to please send a card so that you have them as memories for when baby is older -maybe they would do that. But I think interest wanes as you get further from the first born who is greatly fussed over. It’s v unfair I always try to treat them the same (being the ignored middle one 😂)

….in your opinion.

meanwhile Christmas cards are virtually unheard of in the under 40s, people send a text on birthdays wishing them well rather than waste money on a card. It’s just modern life. If you have kids 20 years apart you probably need to expect them to not be super close- your baby is born just at the age they’re entering the world and prioritising themselves, as they should.

They aren't out of fashion, plenty of card shops around plus the ig online players.
People have got lazy since social media.
Nothing beats a carefully chosen card with some nice words.

Cards are a bit old fashioned - card and gift giving got stupid for a few decades - and baby can’t read texts

edit to add - and no I won’t but a card for you because you get one for me - that would be you forcing your way of doing things

Good point. Mine was actually only this month... but it was a moon pig full of terrible photos to my best friend who no longer lives close enough for me to wind up in person very often. Before that, my own child... before that, probably same child a year earlier!

Going against the grain here but I'd be upset too, OP. I think it's quite bad actually and not really any excuse.

Entirely depends, do they buy each other cards? Or you? (doesnt count if you've had to tell them you expect one either)

I'm more susprised none of them bought her a present, but again it would depend if they tend to be gift givers with others.

(edit- just a typo)

I can't remember the last card I gave?

Yabvu to spell none as 'non'.
Yabu to worry about cards and presents. That's the way it goes sometimes and not worth stressing over.

How many children are there in your blended family? It is odd that the grandparents have not sent anything either. I wonder if there is some judgement about you having too many children perhaps? A complete guess here and so apologies if I am off the mark.

@Fortiesmummy I've read your updates and think you need to take your rose tinted glasses off. If all but one of your families didn't go to the birthday party then that shows the families haven't blended as well as you thought.

Cards do seem to be dying a death amongst the younger generation. Mine (teen and tween) are not fans.

Could you set up some kind of online photo montage type thing and ask them to write a message?

Young people don't really do cards.
And just being realistic, they're probably not as thrilled about or interested in baby sibling as you thought...

It's clearly hurtful to you. But it isn't to the baby as they have no concept of cards.

I think if they get to know your child then they'll start giving cards etc at a bit of a later stage?

I think if they don't really see the child as having their own character or ability to enjoy such things that might be why they haven't done it.

I’ve said YANBU as your feelings are your feelings, but it might be a generational thing: I know few of my younger relatives would think to send a card. I think if they’re engaging with their sibling when they’re with them, and there’s no seeming animosity, I’d just chalk it up to experience but maybe set the expectation going forward that you’d like them to acknowledge your baby’s birthday in a material way.

To be fair it is not just second families. I know at a friends wedding his mother stood up and gave a speech about how much embarrassment there was on both sides, hers and his, when she had to admit to the groom she was pregnant by his father so not a second family because he was in his twenties. It is very odd having adult children and new babies in most family situations. It probably does cause some feelings.

I don't think they're as enamoured with the "blended" family as you think they are.
Some adult children can feel a bit embarrassed when their parents have a baby.

This, definitely this. They may be decently putting on a big show of acceptance of it all because they are grown ups and it is what it is, but no one loves mum or dad starting over and having a new little nuclear family with a new partner. It makes the older children feel like the mistake that the parents want to do over.

This may be the case 😬 DH had a couple of half-siblings born when he was in his 20s and it’s a really difficult and strange dynamic to navigate. There’s often a lot of feelings below the surface in these situations.

It may just be that cards are a bit obsolete or they’ve forgotten.

A lack of cards and presents wouldn't bother me as long as they turned up for tea and cake and acknowledged her birthday in other ways. Nothing at all would be sad especially if part of a wider pattern.

Young adult men (say early 20s) will not give a monkeys about getting a card for a one year old. It just wouldn’t occur to them.

If they’re all adults (18 and above) and your child is one - that’s a hell of an age gap, were they happy about the new baby or is there a bit of resentment?

I feel embarrassed for you.

So there are 5 adult half-siblings.

How many younger siblings are there? The baby and how many others?

This sounds like a pretty big family - you mention that at least some of the adult siblings are at university, and uni students aren’t known for having big budgets. Maybe they genuinely can’t afford to get a card/present for everyone in this large extended family?

1 year olds can’t read. A card for a first birthday is a card for the parents, not the child.

I've never bought a card for a 1st birthday - not even for my own children