Page 3 | To feel sad that non of adult siblings got our baby a card

UpDo · 30/07/2025 22:30

Ragruggers · 30/07/2025 16:25

Well someone must send cards by the number of shops that sell them !

True, but I'm not sure how many teens and young adults are buying them! Especially the blokes. Looks pretty gendered and generational to me.

HonestBlueEagle · 30/07/2025 21:47

Have you got 7 children and 5 of which are adults and two younger ones?.I suspect they have their own independent lives and not really having strong relationship with children who could be their own. There might feel resentful even just being their and having time for them if your busy with young kids.

Firefly1987 · 30/07/2025 21:30

You have four between you and individually have kids as well? Sounds like a lot of kids, no wonder some of the older ones have lost interest.

CharlieEffie · 30/07/2025 21:20

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 08:54

We are a happy blended family both with children we had before we met, who are now adults. We see each other all regularly and all the children get on really well and our younger children much adore their older siblings. However it was our youngest child’s 1st birthday and not one of them bought a card let alone a present, in fact she only received one card from a family member, despite us having quite a large immediate and wider family who we all get on well with. She’s such a lovely baby and very much adored by our local friends. Am I unreasonable to feel a little sad about it?

The siblings wouldn't bother me as such. However Lack of cards from grandparents would very much annoy me

Laveritas · 30/07/2025 21:03

DinaofCloud9 · 30/07/2025 12:14

I feel embarrassed for you.

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😂😂

MarxistMags · 30/07/2025 21:01

That is a shame, but cards etc seem to be out of fashion. My brothers text me now on birthdays and special occasions. I know, I know a 1 yo can't text or read ! Family has been very thoughtless. Fortunately baby is none the wiser.

BigDayForTheWomen · 30/07/2025 20:13

Netcurtainnelly · 30/07/2025 19:40

Do they expect them back though?

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I don’t know. They may expect cards or at least presents from their dad I guess. Probably not from their siblings or step mum. My nephews still send cards to older relatives but not to young people.

Alliod40 · 30/07/2025 20:11

I'd be absolutely fuming,what the hell is wrong with them,cards cost nothing nowadays,but for special birthdays I make special cards on moonlight.. this is just mean it really is fgs..

Original poster

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 20:02

I think with grandparents it’s maybe mainly their age but also perhaps just stopped being so interested after the 3rd one? They did alot for the older ones. We’re happily married and don’t ask of anything from them, money, babysitting etc and don’t claim any benefits but perhaps people in general think fine not to show much interest/investment in the 4th and subsequent baby (if they’ve already been involved with older children)

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FreeWifi · 30/07/2025 19:49

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 19:08

Oh no she’s the youngest of many so most of our money goes on her older half siblings as uni help etc dwarfs anything we spend on the younger children so we don’t really have lots left to spend on them but DH works very hard and they are still very fortunate with what they have, clubs, a party etc and a modest present from us. Yes we were very fortunate friends who came to the party bought some beautiful cards and presents for her and the youngest does have the benefit of many hand me down toys!!

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How many children are in your blended family?

Netcurtainnelly · 30/07/2025 19:40

BigDayForTheWomen · 30/07/2025 16:47

I think that the parents in blended families tend to be far more invested in the new 'slbling' relationships working out than the actual children are, especially older children. One sibling came to the party and was nice, others comment pleasantly on social media posts. It could have been a lot worse. Anyway, younger people rarely send cards nowadays in my experience.

Do they expect them back though?

bellamorgan · 30/07/2025 19:12

aWeeCornishPastie · 30/07/2025 17:52

That doesn’t really matter…they were attending a birthday party and could have brought the cards in person

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A card that is just going in the bin. Rather than just being there and a gift ? The gift being either played with or money to get something. Baby cannot read the card either anyway.

Even if op like my mother sticks them in a scrap book they just go in the bin. Like when she gave me my box of baby tat. I also didn’t read the cards from all those people many who I have zero memory of.

Like school books she kept. In the bin.

YepIChangedMyNameForThis · 30/07/2025 19:12

Well I have to say I find it odd, that none of them even picked up a little teddy, even grandparents. I would be hurt and weirded out by that.

Original poster

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 19:08

aCatCalledFawkes · 30/07/2025 16:50

Being the youngest child does she have a lot anyway? My niece is an only child, my brother and his wife had her quite late for a first baby, consequently they have lots of friends and she has been brought stacks of presents. It’s actually hard up know what to buy her sometimes..

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Oh no she’s the youngest of many so most of our money goes on her older half siblings as uni help etc dwarfs anything we spend on the younger children so we don’t really have lots left to spend on them but DH works very hard and they are still very fortunate with what they have, clubs, a party etc and a modest present from us. Yes we were very fortunate friends who came to the party bought some beautiful cards and presents for her and the youngest does have the benefit of many hand me down toys!!

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Original poster

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 18:17

HoppingPavlova · 30/07/2025 17:16

I never get babies/young kids cards as they cannot read them. Likely they would just want to eat/chew it🤣. Just figure I’ll save a few tree’s and the planet and all that, it’s not a slight directed towards a baby/young child. Tend not to get gifts at that age for the same reason, they don’t understand gifts. When kids are older and know what a gift is and why they are getting it, then I do though.

Oh no I wouldn’t let my child chew on a birthday card, that’s disrespectful to the person who sent it, also I’ve kept all their first birthday cards. I think the first birthday is just very symbolic for a lot of parents so they do appreciate people’s efforts to mark the occasion. Our little one loves the toys she’s got, obviously they’re at home most of the time so spend alot of time playing with them,

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AutumnLeaves95 · 30/07/2025 18:12

aWeeCornishPastie · 30/07/2025 17:52

That doesn’t really matter…they were attending a birthday party and could have brought the cards in person

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I personally would find their presence there/around the time good enough, no need for a silly bit of card

aWeeCornishPastie · 30/07/2025 17:52

bellamorgan · 30/07/2025 14:12

Most people I know don’t send cards anymore. Stamps got expensive and if I’m going to see you to give you a card I’ll see you in person to wish you a happy or merry whatever

That doesn’t really matter…they were attending a birthday party and could have brought the cards in person

Bgasfraudfraud · 30/07/2025 17:43

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 09:11

We do still make a big fuss of them on their birthdays, make an effort to regularly spend time with them, are still giving financial support through uni etc, Yes everyone was invited to her party

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Stop doing this and mirror their energy. They are adults. Treat them how they treat you.

How do they treat you on your birthday?

HoppingPavlova · 30/07/2025 17:16

I never get babies/young kids cards as they cannot read them. Likely they would just want to eat/chew it🤣. Just figure I’ll save a few tree’s and the planet and all that, it’s not a slight directed towards a baby/young child. Tend not to get gifts at that age for the same reason, they don’t understand gifts. When kids are older and know what a gift is and why they are getting it, then I do though.

Original poster

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 16:55

Strawberrri · 30/07/2025 13:43

yes that’s very sad. Perhaps ask them to please send a card so that you have them as memories for when baby is older -maybe they would do that. But I think interest wanes as you get further from the first born who is greatly fussed over. It’s v unfair I always try to treat them the same (being the ignored middle one 😂)

Yes this is a big part of it I think, I suppose hard as a mother to understand as you are genuinely greatly invested in all your children whether you have 1 or 10, that complete adoration you felt for your 1st child doesn’t feel any less when it’s your 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc, you’re just more stretched so perhaps can’t do as much as you would like the more you have but you put as much effort into doing everything you can for all
of them and possibly go more out of the way to do parties etc as you don’t want to feel like they get less of of the magic of childhood just because they’re r.g your 7th child. However as one of the other posters said, I think in truth for wider family the novelty starts to wear off the more children a couple have. It is like they’re only got so much in them to give to each wider family unit and so their investment is spread between all the children of one family unit, more so towards the older children who they felt more of an investment to at the start (when there were fewer children).

OP posts:

User79853257976 · 30/07/2025 16:54

DinaofCloud9 · 30/07/2025 12:14

I feel embarrassed for you.

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You should feel embarrassed for the OP and anyone else who can’t spell simple words.

aCatCalledFawkes · 30/07/2025 16:50

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 16:44

Yes I don’t really send Christmas cards anymore except to parents/in laws etc, I do think maybe it’s just the mindset of adult kids at this time of their life. They are nice kids and would be there if we asked them for help/babysitting etc, they’re not selfish and have even bought nice little presents or done nice things for their half siblings in the past but just don’t generally see themselves as having any obligation around birthdays except for cards and presents to parents.

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Being the youngest child does she have a lot anyway? My niece is an only child, my brother and his wife had her quite late for a first baby, consequently they have lots of friends and she has been brought stacks of presents. It’s actually hard up know what to buy her sometimes..

pengwing · 30/07/2025 16:49

When you say adult do you mean young adult so late teens early twenties? Card giving seems to have very much died out. Whilst my teens still send them (with reminders) to aunties/uncles/grandparents etc they would never consider buying a card for someone their age. They would do a post/send message on social media. It literally wouldn’t occur to them to buy a card.

BigDayForTheWomen · 30/07/2025 16:47

I think that the parents in blended families tend to be far more invested in the new 'slbling' relationships working out than the actual children are, especially older children. One sibling came to the party and was nice, others comment pleasantly on social media posts. It could have been a lot worse. Anyway, younger people rarely send cards nowadays in my experience.

Original poster

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 16:44

4pmwinetimebebeh · 30/07/2025 13:43

….in your opinion.

meanwhile Christmas cards are virtually unheard of in the under 40s, people send a text on birthdays wishing them well rather than waste money on a card. It’s just modern life. If you have kids 20 years apart you probably need to expect them to not be super close- your baby is born just at the age they’re entering the world and prioritising themselves, as they should.

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Yes I don’t really send Christmas cards anymore except to parents/in laws etc, I do think maybe it’s just the mindset of adult kids at this time of their life. They are nice kids and would be there if we asked them for help/babysitting etc, they’re not selfish and have even bought nice little presents or done nice things for their half siblings in the past but just don’t generally see themselves as having any obligation around birthdays except for cards and presents to parents.

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