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AIBU?

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Original poster

He took the condom off

88 replies

CallieMcNalleee · 29/07/2025 23:59

I had sex tonight. The person I had sex with had a condom on, and after we had finished I went to the toilet and he had clearly finished inside me without a condom. States he didn't realise it had come off. The way he said it though it was clear as day he was lying. I'm home now and just don't know what to do. I feel so pissed off and upset. Hadn't had sex in a year and could honestly scream right now.

OP posts:
EvilEdna44 · 30/07/2025 05:37

This happened to me once too, about 25 years ago. It was a one night stand. I told the guy I felt like I had been raped, he down-played and minimised it. I have since found out of course that stealthing is a form of rape, if I had known that at the time I might have reported it.

I am really sorry that he did this to you. It’s despicable.

spoonbillstretford · 30/07/2025 05:25

I don't see the point in reporting him either, in terms of the personal cost to you, OP, but look after yourself, get checked out.

Brendahollowayreconsider · 30/07/2025 05:22

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:21

I haven't the energy to do anything tonight but will come back to this in the morning once I've slept. Feel sick.

I hope you got some sleep and are able to take stock of the situation in time and make choices that suit you.The only immediate one would be the STI check.
Sorry you had this done to you.

Zanatdy · 30/07/2025 05:19

That’s awful. Personally I wouldn’t even think about reporting, given the hassle and stress it would cause. Agree that it should be your decision, don’t feel pressured by anyone’s comment’s. Entirely
up to you. I’d ensure I had an STI check up though.

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 30/07/2025 05:12

This is called stealthing and is a type of rape. Talk to your local sexual assault referral centre as a self referral if you are not wanting to talk to the police here and keep the condom as they will want to seize it. They can take and store samples for 2 years and arrange sexual health and support referrals for you.

nhs.uk

Help after rape and sexual assault

Find out about sexual assault and rape, where to get help and whether it has to be reported to the police, plus how to find a sexual assault referral centre.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/

verycloakanddaggers · 30/07/2025 05:03

JustSawJohnny · 30/07/2025 00:54

I don't agree.

We all need to look out for each other.

She doesn't have to do anything right now, but the right thing to do would be to at least make on online report.

Show quote history

It is not ok to pressure or guilt trip victims. Please read the Rape Crisis website and educate yourself on how to support victims.

JustMyView13 · 30/07/2025 04:49

OP, I just wanted to make sure you’ve heard of SARC. If you go there, they can collect evidence from you and store it until you’ve made a decision. It’s such an awful thing he’s done to you, and I can totally understand why you might feel stressed (and many other things) at the prospect of going to the police. You don’t need to decide now, if you go to a SARC - they’re not the police, they’re there to support you and your health, and they’ll simply collect and store the evidence for when you’re ready to make a decision.

Nicecuppatea2025 · 30/07/2025 04:11

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 30/07/2025 02:59

Read the fucking thread!

I've reported this post and will report any others who harrass the OP about going to the police. Respect her wishes!

Show quote history

Woah there. Totally see you’re trying to protect the OP and that’s very cool of you, but no need to start swearing at other posters!

The OP literally came on here saying she didn’t know what to do. Totally appreciate OP then putting the brakes on the thread but it’s hardly harassment to still give an opinion.

OP that is truly awful, I’m sorry this happened. I hope you get the support you need.

OrangeSlices998 · 30/07/2025 04:06

I’m so sorry OP. Whatever you decide to do is your choice and it’s the right choice for you. If you think you MIGHT report, keep your underwear and what you wore tonight to one side (don’t wash them). You can get support even if you don’t report. You’ll have to wait for an STI check unfortunately, 2 weeks.

What a prick I’m really sorry you’ve been through this xxx

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 30/07/2025 02:59

Diblin93 · 30/07/2025 02:44

Report it. You never know someone may have already reported him and the police may be aware of him.

Read the fucking thread!

I've reported this post and will report any others who harrass the OP about going to the police. Respect her wishes!

JuicySmoochy · 30/07/2025 02:57

So sorry this happened to you and fair play to you for telling posters you will be making your own mind up about what, if anything, you do about it.
I know it’s not the time to jest but you could leave it a few weeks and then tell him you are pregnant.

Diblin93 · 30/07/2025 02:44

Report it. You never know someone may have already reported him and the police may be aware of him.

Cheeruplovee6 · 30/07/2025 01:45

ThisChirpyFox · 30/07/2025 00:54

Did you know him before or was it a ons? If you have his number maybe text him when your heads a bit clearer and ask him why he did it? He might squirm his way out of it and lie but if he does apologise at least there's some sort of proof. I know it's a long shot. But if the police ask him he will be more defensive and guarded.

I hope you're okay. Get checked out tmrrw and take someone close to you and confide in them. x

Edited

Don't do this. The man's a liar. How could he not realise

JustSawJohnny · 30/07/2025 01:09

Apologies OP, I assumed that as you were OK telling us what happened here that you would be able to report online.

Obviously that is 100% your choice, in the end.

I hope you manage to get some sleep.x.

Bigcat25 · 30/07/2025 01:06

Sorry op, you're right about the reporting comments. Hope you can get some rest.

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 01:02

I appreciate everyone's comments. I will make a decision on whether to report or not tomorrow. Would appreciate if people stopped mentioning it.

Rake crisis says this:

Whether or not you go to the police should always be your choice.
No-one should ever put pressure on you to speak to the police. And many people don't speak to the police for a range of different reasons.

So going to decide on my own, tomorrow

OP posts:
ThisChirpyFox · 30/07/2025 00:54

Did you know him before or was it a ons? If you have his number maybe text him when your heads a bit clearer and ask him why he did it? He might squirm his way out of it and lie but if he does apologise at least there's some sort of proof. I know it's a long shot. But if the police ask him he will be more defensive and guarded.

I hope you're okay. Get checked out tmrrw and take someone close to you and confide in them. x

JustSawJohnny · 30/07/2025 00:54

researchers3 · 30/07/2025 00:44

The OP really does not need any other things to be worrying about right now.

If this revolting specimen does this again then it's entirely on him, it's not the OP's responsibility.

Show quote history

I don't agree.

We all need to look out for each other.

She doesn't have to do anything right now, but the right thing to do would be to at least make on online report.

FlamingoFloss · 30/07/2025 00:53

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:03

I don't even see the point in reporting him. It'll be a whole load of stress and interviews and agro essentially for nothing to happen. I just know that's the way it goes.

So sorry this has happened. At the very least, send him (by text) that link to what Stealthing is. Hopefully that will make him never do anything like this again and will give him a shock.

sending a hug

Bigcat25 · 30/07/2025 00:50

Don't know the terminolgy as not in the UK but if you reported him could it give him a Claire's Law or sarah's Law file? So sorry this happened OP.

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:47

researchers3 · 30/07/2025 00:44

The OP really does not need any other things to be worrying about right now.

If this revolting specimen does this again then it's entirely on him, it's not the OP's responsibility.

Show quote history

Thank you x

OP posts:
researchers3 · 30/07/2025 00:44

AmandaPomander · 30/07/2025 00:17

Yes, it might be stressful to report him, and nothing might happen as a result, but importantly, reporting him might stop him doing the same thing to the next person. He might think twice about doing it again if he knows the police are aware of him. I hope you're ok.

Show quote history

The OP really does not need any other things to be worrying about right now.

If this revolting specimen does this again then it's entirely on him, it's not the OP's responsibility.

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:25

Robin67 · 30/07/2025 00:25

Morning after pill

Show quote history

No thankfully have a coil

OP posts:
Robin67 · 30/07/2025 00:25

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:24

The what?

Show quote history

Morning after pill

Robin67 · 30/07/2025 00:24

I don't think this is going to be easy to prove. However reporting him might help build a profile if he does it again. It also might scare him into not doing it again to anyone else. Get an STI screen. Get morning after pill if you are of a fertile age/ health background.

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