For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

Do you project onto other people a lot ? Because that’s certainly what you’re doing here.

I agree. I think it's now used to mean a small wedding. A couple I know got married with no guests whatsoever only hotel staff as witnesses and they just called it their wedding.

You can’t see anything hurtful but the OPs friend obviously does feel that way and I am trying to explain why that would be the case.

All the posters can say she is being a bridezilla, selfish etc but the OP either wants to preserve the friendship or not.

I wouldn’t be thrilled with having to attend another wedding in the same month as mine, more because I might have something going on that day (or just need a day to sit down) or might have been hoping to be away if it’s after.

But I wouldn’t necessarily say anything about it, but if it’s just before, it does a little bit feel like you’re taking the wind out of her sails (and giving her more bloody wedding stuff to deal with). There are loads of dates, so I would have chosen a different one.

But why would you find it hurtful? I can't see anything in the OP's plans that are hurtful. Nothing at all.

I don't understand all these posters saying she needs time after her own wedding to be thinking of someone else's. I was back at work a week after my wedding and would have loved to have something to look forward to. It sounds like the OP is paying for her friends and families to attend so a free holiday as well! I felt very flat after the excitement and lead up to my wedding. A trip and a celebration a few weeks later would be lovely. Your friend would have had a (small) point if it was a lot of the same guests being invited but this isn't the case here. YANBU OP

I personally wouldn’t have chosen the same month as my friend was getting married for my wedding day because I know how precious some people are about wedding days however we booked our wedding shortly after we got engaged and got married 4 months later, which happened to be 8 weeks or so before a close friends wedding who had spent 2 years planning her huge wedding(ours was a little wedding eg only close family hers was a huge 180 guest wedding) and she wasn’t happy that we were getting married before her and accused us of stealing her thunder by getting married before her. However it was ok for another close friend to get married 2 months after her wedding because it was after her big day.

we are still friends but not as close.

Are you the person who works for me and wanted permission to go part time for 6 months to plan your wedding? And was astounded when you asked me how stressful I'd found it expecting sympathy and got short shrift when I pointed out it was only as stressful as you choose to make it?

Anyone who finds thinking about packing a bag for a short trip 3 weeks after their own wedding in any way difficult, stressful or even slightly noteworthy really needs to chill out

She's overreacting but you are not eloping and could have chosen any other time for your small wedding. I wonder if you have form for stealing her thunder?

It does sound like that group of friends has stirred the pot but equally, she’s a grown woman who could have made her own mind up about it. I think she is being precious tbh, she gets one day not the whole bloody month. If you’d booked it for the 1st of the following month (which presumably can’t be that long after your actual wedding date) would it have made any difference?
I think you’re very sweet trying to save your friendship - but if I were in your shoes I just wouldn’t bring it up again and carry on as normal and let her have a little sulk over it. Hopefully she will see sense eventually. I’m sorry but she’s being a bit of a brat IMO.

I can't relate to this at all. I didn't find ot stressful or in the least something I needed weeks (weeks!) to recover from. I had a full bells and whistles church, hundred guests to a country house reception etc traditional wedding. It was fun and I enjoyed the week we had off after then went into a new job.

A friend's wedding the same month, even the next weekend would have been lovely.

OP's friend is being really weird and silly.

You can get married whenever you want but you have stolen her thunder maybe.

I wouldn't have done what you have personally.

It’s not being professionally offended, it’s being hurt by the actions of someone else.

There are far more ‘professionally above all this’ people on Mumsnet who think they are too superior to trifle with such nonsense.

@MumLife90 how far away is the wedding from where you live?

You don’t need to ask her permission to get married a few weeks after her, ffs. (The only reason I might have sympathised is if she was going to be away on honeymoon and miss your wedding). She’s being v unreasonable, you’ve done nothing wrong.

I understand why she's a bit annoyed. You're having a destination wedding. Regardless of you paying for it, they still have to go away very soon after their wedding and honeymoon.

But if I were her, I would just have decided whether I wanted to go without involving anyone else.

I agree.

There are some professionally offended posters on this thread. Life must be exhausting for them and for the people who have to tread on eggshells around them all the time.

She is suffering from main character syndrome and being a pain in the arse. Why on earth should you put your plans on hold? She has already got kids, so her wedding is hardly a life changing event.

It would be very tempting to out bridezilla her and create a big drama about her ruining your wedding and your friendship. Why does she get to be the only victim? Probably wouldn’t be very wise though!

This might have already come up but I'd have serious doubts that her "tell our mutual friends beforehand - they will be hurt they didn't know" was in good faith. She plainly just wanted an excuse to vent about it to them! Lo and behold they are now all being unpleasant to you.

With that in mind I'm not sure how good a friend she is and how much more you can put into trying to smooth things over, beyond saying - I'm sorry - it wasn't my intention to hurt you or cause stress - we were just limited in our options for X reasons. How do we move beyond this?

All the best and try not to let it take away from your day, OP 💐

I’m not sure I would get stroppy but I wouldn’t like it. When it’s someone close, there’s usually a build up to the wedding and then a bit of a high for a couple of weeks afterwards. As the couple, you’re also still in your little bubble. I would be annoyed if someone who is supposed to be my best friend decides to burst all that and have the attention and focus on her too.

Yes it’s just a day, but really it’s more than just a day.

Also, as others have said, what you’re doing is not an elopement.

Yes it does say a lot about me probably. I am anxious and overthink massively, and I think that is how I would feel.

I’m not saying she’s reasonable, but the OP asked for other perspectives to help her understand.

What an insane take! 😂

Tell her it's cancelled and get married anyway.

Always easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Why would you be annoyed?

I just don't get it. What exactly would be the problem?

No-one owns a month, and it is so narcissistic to get precious about it. In the grand scheme of things this is a very minor thing to get some worked up about.

The OP hadn't been shitty. I bet she wishes she had just kept it to family. A good friend would be happy for her.

However, I agree about the term elopement. It isn't an elopement if there are 15 guests.

I’m not saying that is the OP, but that might be how it is received, especially in the midst of wedding planning.