For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

But if the OP wants to get married in the school holidays for family reasons, that cuts in down to a week in Feb, 2 weeks in March/April, all of August, a week in October and 2 weeks over Christmas.

And, again, she can have her wedding when she wants she doesn't have to plan it around someone else's schedule.

Yes I can imagine a ‘and cheers to you and husband to be as well!’ Etc

In theory you've done nothing wrong. She doesn't own the month. However I can understand it feeling a bit off to her, as you are so close.

I got married the same year as my best friend, both each others bridesmaid and like you hers bigger than mine and booked first. I deliberately ruled out a month gap either side of hers when looking at dates, so I didn't feel like we were planning 2 weddings at once. In the end mine was 3 months after hers which worked well - she'd had her honeymoon, we'd looked at her photos etc before we were on to hen do and last minute prep for mine.

I would apologise for not realising that would seem too close or talking to her about it, but explain as they are so different it hadn't occured to you, and also there were practical reasons for those dates. Hopefully she can move on from that, as it's not that big a deal in the grand scheme if things, but it will probably help to recognise her feelings.

tbh I don’t really see why you’d do it so close unless you wanted to take some of her special time. Why not elope later in the year or next year? I think I’d also be wondering what the motive is? Most people have a bit of a comedown period after their wedding, waiting for photos to arrive, going on honeymoon etc, if she takes this time she’ll be encroaching on the build up to your wedding.

my feeling would be that I can’t see why there wasn’t another option and yes you should have run it by her if she is such an important person in your life. Like didn’t you ask her when floating the date? I asked my parents/siblings (eg we’re thinking of July 2025, what do you think? If they then told me they’d booked a cruise or my cousin was about to announce a July 25 wedding I’d change my plans)

i say this as a person who didn’t have a big white wedding either.

Why though? Wedding venues and register offices get booked up very quickly so clearly other people are getting married in the same month.
If organising a wedding is stressful (mine wasn't I've been married 43 years) then it doesn't take 3 weeks to destress. I would not be waiting another 6 weeks to appease anyone except close relatives who might not be able to make it. If I wanted a summer wedding that's what I would have not wait until October.

Do you have a lot of the same friends who will be attending her wedding? Maybe she feels you are using her wedding as an excuse to celebrate your wedding with everyone without having to organise or pay for it.

I guess it's too late to change anything but - even as a wedding-hater - I think you have been insensitive. It seems very odd to me that you didn't think "Oh June is X's wedding, so we'll have something in October when it's all blown over." I think YABU.

Neither did I

I don't understand why people have to make someone else's occasion about them. She will have had her wedding 3 weeks before. Ridiculous like those people who have a birthday week.
You don't need her permission nor did you need to tell other friends before hand just because they might be upset not to know, so fucking what? t's your business. I'm actually a bit narked that she's spoilt it for you just because you didn't want a big drama filled wedding.

I wouldn’t have booked the same month especially if she has had hers planned for a long time. Your reasons are understandable but could you have waited until another school holiday. My best friend was getting married and I was mindful to let her do it first. But maybe it says more about the best friend and being wary of how they react. All you can do is let her come round. Maybe she feels like it will be a lot all at once.

I missed this post earlier, but you have explained it far better than me. This is exactly how I would feel in this situation.

She doesn't have to go. Sorry but I will be on honeymoon is absolutely acceptable.

Why on earth did you listen to her and told everyone when your initial plan was not to?!

Yeah, I didn’t get that part either.

Wedding bubble? Batshit....can nobody else do anything until the previous bride says they can? Honestly OP either she will come to her senses or there is nothing you can do about rescuing the friendship.
Regarding elopement weddings, they are now sold as a thing. Young friends of mine did it. The concept is a small wedding with everything included. All you and the guests do is turn up.

I think @WashableVelvet makes a lot of sense!

It's probably more complex than just the date.

It's a different situation but I had a friend once where I thought we were close friends. Looking back she was the sort of person who asked a lot of very personal questions & you sort of ended up sharing more than you mighy ordinarily. She fostered an atmosphere of closeness & i realised v starkly one day that it was largely one way traffic with her. She was v manipulative.

Through her mannerism of being very interested & engaged (remembering everything & asking lots of deeply personal questions) she knew a lot about my life. I felt we were best friends.

Then 2 things happened that opened my eyes where she made public announcements about significant life stuff & I found out the same time as general acquaintances. One was related to a success in work where she'd been awarded something & she'd never said a word. In fact she sent me a WhatsApp message the morning it was announced & she included an acquaintance she disliked in the same message. That stung.

And after that she sold her house & bought a new one without a whisper.

I felt utterly taken for a fool. It changed how I felt about her & our 'friendship' because I realised I'd been lulled into all the sharing & she was v comfortable keeping stuff to herself. My life was passing entertainment to her.

I pulled away from that friendship after that & she acted 'puzzled'

So i fully understand what @WashableVelvet is saying.

On a wedding related note, we're married a long time now but when we were at that stage where lots of us were all getting married we had peripheral friends who attended our best friends wedding, got drunk & made an announcement over the mic that they'd gotten engaged in the carpark!

We were getting married about 6 months later & they quizzed us about our plans & then nabbed a cancellation in the same venue 3 weeks before ours.

They invited us to the afters & when we arrived the bride rushed over to tell us all the things she was unhappy about with the venue -it was the weirdest flex ever like she knew better than us!

Our weddings were v v different so none of her complaints were even relevant to us. It still bemused me how they carried on. She was thrilled she got 'our' venue before us - but its a wedding venue- LOADS of people got there before us!!

Why on earth did you listen to her and told everyone when your initial plan was not to?! She doesn't get to dictate how you get married just because you both are getting married in the same month. It's like she knew how some people would react and just wanted to take the wind out of your sail. Is she always the jealous type? Nobody owns a month! It's ridiculous.

In your shoes, I wouldn't do anything to make amends because you have not done anything wrong. Let her come to her senses. If anything, she should apologise to you for messing up your wedding plans.

I think if you know your friend, you’d know what would upset her. I think you’ve taken some of the excitement out of her big white wedding. It’s a huge event to plan, so your “elopement” may not be sitting well with her (that’s her problem, but still…)

As PP have said, and I don’t think @MumLife90 has actually responded to this point, maybe it’s the description of your smaller wedding as an ‘elopement’ when it’s patently NOT, that is at least partly driving her annoyance.

If this was a genuine elopement, she’d have no cause to be upset as she wouldn’t have a clue it was happening! A small wedding, especially one where you end up telling all and sundry in advance anyway, is not an elopement.

She probably is BU, but I somewhat sympathise with the idea of being frazzled from one’s own extravagant celebrations, then having to gird the loins for another non-elopement almost immediately afterwards.

She's being ridiculous. And entitled.

People need to stop looking for justifications as to why she might be upset/angry/unhappy that someone else is gasp getting married in the same month.

It doesn't matter who booked first.
It doesn't matter if hers is a big wedding and yours is small wedding. Or vv
It doesn't matter who is getting married first or second.

What matters is the people in your life should be happy for you! Thrilled that you're thrilled. And wish you the best.

You’ve done nothing wrong. She doesn’t “own” the month she’s getting married in. I could not get worked up about this tbh.

Also you aren’t eloping… you’re having a very small wedding.

Your friend does not have a wedding month. Both your weddings take a day. She is the unreasonable one.

This post sums up to me all that is wrong about weddings.

This,

there is a limit to the number of good weather weeks in the year (and school holidays if that’s relevant). OP is not upstaging her friend. Unless the friend doesn’t have the money or time off work to also travel to OPs wedding, I don’t see the issue

The point I’m making is just because you didn’t find planning a wedding stressful doesn’t mean it’s not stressful. Same for moving house, both events universally recognised as being stressful.
You don’t know the reason she is upset, she hasn’t said it’s because she thinks she will be stressed for 3 weeks after the wedding. Maybe it’s because it’s been sprung on her in the run up to her wedding and she’s getting all sorts of opinions on it and she could do without it. Maybe the OP wants to talk a lot about her own wedding (since she’s the only friend she’s told) and she doesn’t have the mental capacity to deal with it at the moment so she’s just cooled off a little. The OP even admitted she pushed her to tell her why she’s been cool with her, maybe she didn’t plan to say anything and was just concentrating on getting her own wedding done before she could give her friend the excitement she wants. There’s two sides whether you can or can’t relate is irrelevant.

Is she taking a honeymoon with her family afterwards? If so it’s a bit of a bind to be going to a destination wedding so soon alter returning from that in terms of time off work etc. I’m a bit sensitive to this as my 2 week honeymoon turned into a 3 week honeymoon because our return flights were cancelled (anyone remember the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud?) and it killed my annual leave and bank balance. I didn’t take another holiday abroad for years after that.

It does sound a bit like other friends ‘stirring the pot’ a bit. I’d sit down with her and have an honest conversation and maybe try get to the root of what’s bothering her.