For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

I know exactly what a narcissist is and thinking that the world exists to satisfy your needs and others should only act in a way that you wish is a key personality trait of a narcissist.

I hope this has helped you

🤣 I didn't, but I am enjoying my own typo now I've seen it!

I really hope you meant to say 'shit' herself! 😂

If you were also having a big wedding I'd understand a bit more but as you're eloping and it's family only I don't see an issue. Are you sure she isn't stirring? She dislikes it so has encouraged you to tell others in the hope of stirring some judgement up so she can justify her feelings about it?

It strikes me that there are quite a few insecure, mean spirited and self absorbed posters on this thread who are unable to be happy that a friend is getting married within a few weeks after their own wedding.

Do they not realise that no-one else cares?

Well, I still haven’t forgiven Sarah Ferguson and Prince Andrew for getting married the day I returned to work after my wedding and honeymoon.

😁
I have never forgiven Charles and Di for getting married during our honeymoon either. We had to decline the invitation.

Well, I still haven’t forgiven Sarah Ferguson and Prince Andrew for getting married the day I returned to work after my wedding and honeymoon.
Can you believe it, everyone was watching their wedding on the telly and No One was asking about me, me and no one was letting me bask in the specialness of my wedding day!

What an earth should the OP apologise for?

Are you mean-spirited like this in all areas of life?

she might want to bask in the specialness of having got married.

@MarieAndTwinette the OP is getting married three whole weeks after her friend's wedding, not the next day.

As the friend already has children with her intended I assume that they already live together, so I'm not sure what the ridiculous "basking in the specialness of being married" means. It's not as if they are setting up home for the first time.

I don't understand this at all. I'd understand if your wedding was before hers (a little) but it's after, it's 3 weeks after, it's very small and it's not stealing her thunder in any way.

I'd talk (not message) and tell her that her friendship means a lot to you. You hate that she's upset with you but that honestly you are having trouble understanding why she's upset with you. Could she please explain more? Ask her if it would be better if your wedding was 6 weeks later. Ask her if it would be better if it was 3 months later. Not suggesting you move your wedding but just to try figure the issue. I honestly don't get it. Let her know you are concerned that some mutual friends are stirring up trouble that doesn't need to exist. Ask her if she would feel better if she just forgot about your wedding, didn't attend and didn't need to now about it.

If you can't resolve this with an empathetic conversation, then I think she used to be your best friend but honestly hasn't been in a while. I wouldn't risk friends with good friends to gossip and gripe with others... I'd sort things out directly.

she might want to bask in the specialness of having got married
What does this even mean? That people should be calling her and asking how she's enjoying it? Or that nobody else gets tagged in anything wedding related on social media? Or that she gets to shit herself away from everyone as some kind of extended honeymoon?

I genuinely do not understand what this means.

How are you eloping if people know about it in advance? Anyway it's probably too late to change the date now but i would if i could.

Why should she? If she wants a summer wedding she would have to wait another year.

Her wedding is after her friend's wedding. If the friend is still having to come to terms with organising her wedding three weeks after the event maybe she should have organised a lower key wedding.

I don't understand the narcissistic hysteria that is involved in weddings these days.

Send her the invitation to your wedding and leave the rest to her and fate. I would not be wasting my time pandering to the whims of a so-called friend. Sometimes, later in life we learn that people who have been friends for years have changed. It is the course of life. Live your best life with your family and husband to be. She is only detracting from your happiness.

I really feel sorry for your best friend right now. She’s being called a bridezilla and various other names when we only have one side of the story.
I feel like we are missing some information here.

Op if you want to salvage the friendship, speak to her, acknowledge her feelings and appreciate her point of view

Weddings had already become like an arms race when I got married, but my god, It has only got worse in intervening years!

a wedding month??? People are ridiculous.

the only reason i could see where she may have a point might be if you’re inviting a lot of the same people and it would involve people travelling large distances for both. Or potentially that she’d have to come back early from honeymoon.

She sounds childish, insecure and up her own arse. I think any well adjusted person wouldn't care.

She's being illogical - if it's just the month, then presumably she'd be OK with her wedding on say, 31 July and yours on 1 August (!). There is no rhyme or reason for this. As for all the posters talking about being 'compelled' to attend a wedding, (it's an invitation, not a summons), needing to 'focus' on someone else's wedding which is happening shortly, needing to 'de-stress from your own wedding, finding it 'too much' t attend another wedding within weeks of your own, wanting to be in your 'bubble' for an indeterminate time afterwards - I'd just say, 'grow up', unless you want to be totally incapable of dealing with anything real which you have to deal with in your life. And if anyone feels that going to an event is too much for them, for whatever reason, then they just don't go! In reality, when people attend weddings, what they get out of it is the party afterwards. If they really wanted to 'focus' on the wedding, 'support' the bride etc., they'd be happy to just attend the ceremony!

Honestly I don’t think there’s anything you can do or say right now. She’s in the headspace of you have wronged her and I don’t think she will listen to reason, she just needs to get over this in her own time, she’s obsessed with being a bride etc and is in wedding fog.

If anything, the question should be why are you that concerned about losing her - when she doesn’t seem to be that concerned about losing you? Seems like you think the world of her but does she feel that way about you? Given the gossip behind your back etc?

What did you say when she told you how she was feeling? I think YANBU. I got married (actually two ceremonies!) in the same month as my best friend.

I asked her permission first - we were very limited on dates due to my work, family abroad and moving cities. She didn't care at all but I can understand that if it's before, it could mean she's not able to do any dress fittings, other wedding organising on the day of yours.

We, our Best Man, Bridesmaid 1 and Bridesmaid 2 all got married in four separate weddings within 10 weeks of each other. We were the first to set the date. None of the others were at each others’ weddings, but were obviously all at ours. It was a busy time for us but lovely. The most bizarre thing was that I’d told Bridesmaid 2 what my dream fantasy wedding would be if money was no object at all - and that’s exactly what she then booked for her own wedding! Including a honeymoon in Bora Bora, which she’d never even heard of until I mentioned it! 😄 I found that strange but rather amusing, and went off to enjoy a lovely two weeks with my new DH in Orkney and Shetland instead of the South Pacific.

OP I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Enjoy your wedding!

I happened to get married in the same month as 4 friends. It was no issue for any of us. Maybe we thought the marriage was more important than the ceremony? We were all just happy that we were getting married. Nowadays there seems such ownership over children's names, who gets to care for the kids more, whose put in more money into the property, etc etc.

My best friend and I (friends since primary school and got married in our 20s) got married in the same month and were each others bridesmaids! We loved it! It was a total wedding July and really exciting and we did lots of planning together too.

I don’t see the big deal but some of the responses show me that maybe to some people it is!

my sister takes the whole of her birthday month as her birthday month and it’s just pathetic imho!

I understand your friend. Its probably not about 'owning' the month, but just having too much on in a short space of time and feeling stressed out. Big weddings like hers take months of intense planning, so she might have thought she gets to wind down afterwards and sort everything out: photos, presents, thank you cards etc.. But ultimately you both should sit down and have a chat. You should explain your reasons and apologise and hopefully she does the same.

Maybe they both wanted a summer wedding ? You can’t plan around everyone else. You just have to go for it . Everyone has as much right as everyone else to get married when they choose- it’s not as if Op has stolen the limelight by getting married first or even remotely copied the wedding.
Youd think BF would be happy for Op instead of sulking that she’s no longer centre of attention !