For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

I appreciate everyone’s opinions. Thank you.

I’m not quite sure where people have got an aboard/ destination wedding from though. We’re getting married in the same state And I’m getting married 3 weeks after her. I’m not going to list every reason why it had to be that month. But it did.

Just to clarify, when I say elope. I mean it’s a low key, very intimate, family wedding. And in hind sight. I should have stuck with the original plan and not told anyone, my bestie included, got married and told people after.

I don’t want to lose a friend over this. She’s more than a friend really. More like a sister. And in hindsight before I should have ran it by her. I’m going to apologise for how it’s made her feel and give her the option to come or not without any hidden meanings or consequences. Just genuinely from a place of love. If not coming makes her feel less stressed and able to enjoy her wedding more then so be it.

as someone said. The importance of weddings diminish but. Friendship doesn’t.

thanks again all

An elopement with your family in tow ,and your friend, her fiancé and their two children is not an elopement! It’s a small wedding bigged up to sound more exciting. And now you have told everyone it is even less of an elopement.

I think your friend is peeved because she sees your small wedding being promoted as an elopement as an attempt to upstage her wedding by making yours sound a bit edgy and cool. And to be honest, if she does think that then I think she has a point.

Of course it is!

But generally if you really want someone there you check that they can do it don't you?

You’re telling me you weren’t on a high for a few weeks after your wedding? DH and I were certainly on a newly wed high for a good few weeks, and we enjoyed talking about it with people we met over the next few weeks when they asked about it. For someone so close to get married so quickly, it would have burst my own little bubble quicker than I would have liked.

She doesn't have to be there. It's up to her.

And then OP would be on here instead, starting a thread about her mean bestie who isn’t coming to her “elopement” even though OP went to hers weeks earlier. 😅

She doesn't have to be there. It's up to her.

So you always knew that you would invite her but booked it all without knowing whether or not she could be there?

Thanks for everyone’s opinions. Any advice on how we move on from here? I don’t wanna lose my best friend but I’m struggling to navigate this with all the emotions.

Ha ha yes I was on a high but going to someone ele’s wedding wouldn’t have diminished that-why would it? A chance to reflect on recent happy events!

You’re telling me you weren’t on a high for a few weeks after your wedding? DH and I were certainly on a newly wed high for a good few weeks, and we enjoyed talking about it with people we met over the next few weeks when they asked about it. For someone so close to get married so quickly, it would have burst my own little bubble quicker than I would have liked.

You’re telling me you weren’t on a high for a few weeks after your wedding? DH and I were certainly on a newly wed high for a good few weeks, and we enjoyed talking about it with people we met over the next few weeks when they asked about it. For someone so close to get married so quickly, it would have burst my own little bubble quicker than I would have liked.

@Spotthering of course there’s nothing wrong with that! But to go on about a bubble weeks later when it should be all about you and someone else celebrating somehow detracts from your delight at getting married, there is something wrong. I had a blast at my own wedding but realise family and friends had a great time but don’t need to think about it for weeks after.

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

But that description applies to both sides of this thread.

The OP said her friend was upset that she didn't ask her first. It's not that the OP would be bound by the response but asking first is the sensitive thing to do and shows the friend that she cares about her feelings. I'm sure if the OP had explained the logic the friend would be on board.

But by not asking and doing it anyway, it sends a message to the friend that she is unimportant and her feelings don't matter. This is especially true if the friend had discussed her wedding with the OP, involved her, etc. It feels one-sided.

So no, the OP is allowed to have exactly the wedding she wants with no thought to anyone else's feelings, because it's her one special day and she can do what she likes.

But she's not allowed to then claim someone else is a bridezilla and selfish for feeling hurt.

She is allowed her choice, other people are allowed their feelings about it.

Adults would acknowledge that and talk about it, rather than coming on an internet forum for validation from strangers.

I know exactly what a narcissist is and thinking that the world exists to satisfy your needs and others should only act in a way that you wish is a key personality trait of a narcissist.

I hope this has helped you