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For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

357 replies

MumLife90 · 29/07/2025 23:37

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

OP posts:
BusyExpert · 31/07/2025 19:57

Isitreallysohard · 30/07/2025 20:34

Anyone who might be slightly self absorbed isn't a narcissist. Stop misusing words, it's embarrassing and insulting to people who have to deal with actual narcissistic behaviour. HTH! This bride hardly fits that description, seriously get a grip!

I suggest you get a grip. you clearly don't understand the concept of narcissism. To attempt to control someone's else's wedding date because for whatever reason it is inconvenient for you and to demand that her friend informs others when she is not ready to is typical narcissistic behaviour. Perhaps you don't recognise it because it is uncomfortable for you?

BusyExpert · 31/07/2025 19:53

a lengthy post to justify controlling behaviour.
and wrong

SerafinasGoose · 31/07/2025 18:29

pinkyredrose · 31/07/2025 16:36

I hadn't heard of the change in usage of the word 'elopement', is it common knowledge?

According to search engine AI bots, yes, the meaning has shifted. Stands to reason since I'd imagine fewer people, depending on various cultural expectations, would do a moonlit flight to marry against the wishes of their parents these days.

Etymologically, 'divan' once meant a bundle of sheets. Language evolves.

godmum56 · 31/07/2025 17:51

CarpetKnees · 31/07/2025 17:45

Just because a magazine / website chooses to misuse a word, that doesn't change the meaning of it.

But even that link starts off with "Planning a just-the-two-of-us wedding? We've found the elopement packages you need to know about around the UK, from luxury celebrations to cheap-but-chic weddings for two"

read on, they aren't all just for 2.

CarpetKnees · 31/07/2025 17:45

Just because a magazine / website chooses to misuse a word, that doesn't change the meaning of it.

But even that link starts off with "Planning a just-the-two-of-us wedding? We've found the elopement packages you need to know about around the UK, from luxury celebrations to cheap-but-chic weddings for two"

pinkyredrose · 31/07/2025 17:38

godmum56 · 31/07/2025 17:22

Its used in wedding advertising. Google "elopement wedding"
https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/ceremony-and-reception/elopement-packages/

Wow! How odd!

godmum56 · 31/07/2025 17:22

pinkyredrose · 31/07/2025 16:36

I hadn't heard of the change in usage of the word 'elopement', is it common knowledge?

Its used in wedding advertising. Google "elopement wedding"
https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/ceremony-and-reception/elopement-packages/

godmum56 · 31/07/2025 17:20

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 16:17

Didn't take long to resort to insults just because not everyone is like you 😅.

oh that's not fair, we are on page 13!

CarpetKnees · 31/07/2025 16:48

Elopement does not mean running away in secret anymore..it means a small intimate wedding!

It really doesn't.

Small wedding is just that - a wedding without many people there.
Elopement = B&G 'running away' to get married in secret.

TwinklySquid · 31/07/2025 16:43

I don’t get the big fuss about weddings. They are just an event after all.

Youve got your reasons for choosing that month (school holidays ect), so your friend should understand that it wasn’t a plan to deliberately spite her. Arrange a coffee and clear the air.

Sometimes, even with good, old friends, you don’t really know them until you cross them .

pinkyredrose · 31/07/2025 16:36

Nannyfannybanny · 31/07/2025 10:34

Elopement does not mean running away in secret anymore..it means a small intimate wedding! I did elope the first time (yup, pregnant at 18) ex H parents wanted to stop it. We ", eloped" to the town where he had to reside for so many months (can't remember how many) and you could obtain a special license from the court.

I hadn't heard of the change in usage of the word 'elopement', is it common knowledge?

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 16:17

godmum56 · 31/07/2025 15:38

yup Some are batshit and then there are the rest of us.

Didn't take long to resort to insults just because not everyone is like you 😅.

godmum56 · 31/07/2025 15:38

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 11:23

Clearly hard enough for the friend to be annoyed. People are different.

yup Some are batshit and then there are the rest of us.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 15:35

PrissyGalore · 31/07/2025 13:52

I wasn’t equating it to fucking cancer! Completely the opposite-I said wedding planning shouldn’t be causing the stress of a serious illness needing recovery time, running on empty and availability and support of friends. If it is, you’re doing it wrong.

Doing it wrong or not, some people do, which the friend might be doing.

Not hard to understand that people do things differently.

PrissyGalore · 31/07/2025 13:52

I wasn’t equating it to fucking cancer! Completely the opposite-I said wedding planning shouldn’t be causing the stress of a serious illness needing recovery time, running on empty and availability and support of friends. If it is, you’re doing it wrong.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 13:34

DappledThings · 31/07/2025 13:18

Exactly!

Planning a wedding does not equate to cancer because none of the stresses associated with something actually life-changing and terrible like cancer are applicable. The concept of needing support and recovery time from wedding planning is ridiculous. The words you used about how difficult wedding planning is would be applicable to something like cancer and shouldn't be to wedding planning.

They are applicable to wedding planning for some people.

Different people find different situations trying in different measures, still doesn't warrant equating it to cancer.

Some people get carried away with wedding planning, fact.

Some turn into bridezillas, fact.

The concept may be ridiculous to you, but not to everyone.

Again, it's up to OP to indulge it or not.

DappledThings · 31/07/2025 13:18

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 13:14

Doesn't equate it to cancer though.

Exactly!

Planning a wedding does not equate to cancer because none of the stresses associated with something actually life-changing and terrible like cancer are applicable. The concept of needing support and recovery time from wedding planning is ridiculous. The words you used about how difficult wedding planning is would be applicable to something like cancer and shouldn't be to wedding planning.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 13:14

DappledThings · 31/07/2025 13:04

That's the point of the other person mentioning cancer. With having cancer being something that is actually draining and stressful and requires sympathy and support from friends and recovery.

Describing wedding planning as any of those things is ridiculous and is stress 100% of the bridezilla's choosing. Just because bridezillas have been a thing for years doesn’t mean they should be indulged

Doesn't equate it to cancer though.

DappledThings · 31/07/2025 13:04

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 12:36

Cancer, really!!

Bridezillas have been a thing for a while now, not sure how that's hard to understand.

Right or wrong, the friend is annoyed and OP wants to salvage the friendship.

If my post doesn't work for you, scroll by.

That's the point of the other person mentioning cancer. With having cancer being something that is actually draining and stressful and requires sympathy and support from friends and recovery.

Describing wedding planning as any of those things is ridiculous and is stress 100% of the bridezilla's choosing. Just because bridezillas have been a thing for years doesn’t mean they should be indulged

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 12:36

DappledThings · 31/07/2025 11:53

You started the being dramatic talking about it causing people to run on empty and need all their friends to support them through it.

If it's that difficult you really are doing it wrong. Nothing to do with the size or cost of the wedding or what people choose to spend their money on but if you are making choices that are causing you such trauma that's just daft.

Cancer, really!!

Bridezillas have been a thing for a while now, not sure how that's hard to understand.

Right or wrong, the friend is annoyed and OP wants to salvage the friendship.

If my post doesn't work for you, scroll by.

DappledThings · 31/07/2025 11:53

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 11:27

You're the one being dramatic and comparing it to cancer.

People have weddings they choose to have, if they want to shell out thousands, that's their choice.

You started the being dramatic talking about it causing people to run on empty and need all their friends to support them through it.

If it's that difficult you really are doing it wrong. Nothing to do with the size or cost of the wedding or what people choose to spend their money on but if you are making choices that are causing you such trauma that's just daft.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 11:27

PrissyGalore · 31/07/2025 07:53

You make having a wedding like having a serious illness. Seriously? Why do people shell out tens of thousands of pounds to feel ‘stressed, running on empty and needing to switch off immediately afterwards and need friends supportive and available’ Christ-it’s not cancer treatment. If it’s that bad, why don’t people just have a nice but smaller do?

You're the one being dramatic and comparing it to cancer.

People have weddings they choose to have, if they want to shell out thousands, that's their choice.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2025 11:23

RampantIvy · 31/07/2025 07:11

Not necessarily about being upstaged, but more having to essentially have something else to think about right after her wedding.

It is three whole weeks after her wedding, not the next day.

Just how hard can it be? She could just decline.

Clearly hard enough for the friend to be annoyed. People are different.

Mummamap · 31/07/2025 11:08

Personally, I think she is being really unreasonable. My friend and I got married two weeks apart. Lots of the same college friends and no one battered an eyelid. My friend even helped me find the shop I got my wedding dress from.

Nannyfannybanny · 31/07/2025 10:34

Elopement does not mean running away in secret anymore..it means a small intimate wedding! I did elope the first time (yup, pregnant at 18) ex H parents wanted to stop it. We ", eloped" to the town where he had to reside for so many months (can't remember how many) and you could obtain a special license from the court.

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