Page 14 | For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

MagnoliaTreeBlossom · 30/07/2025 03:07

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Her reaction to the news of your wedding plans appears to be clouded by her preparation and anticipation of her own wedding.

Perhaps she feels you won't be there for her as you will be focused on your own wedding. Are you her bridesmaid/MoH? Has she asked you to help with any arrangements or preparation for her wedding?

As childhood friends you will be able to talk this through. Meet up and explain the reasons September is your chosen time. The date is after her wedding and it is a small guest list/modern elopement to which she and her family are invited to because she means so much to you and you would not intentionally upset her. Your wedding is a separate event to hers and both will be wonderful... the date is the least important part, it's the day itself and the celebration of marriage that matter most.

Sssssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu · 30/07/2025 02:53

If this is an otherwise good friend and you want to smooth things over and keep the friendship I think I would do the following:

Explain there are lots of boring logistical reasons why it needs to be this timing.
Apologise for causing her any stress/upset.
Explain that you are totally okay with her giving your wedding a miss to come given she will still be in the process of sorting out post her wedding (and mean it). That it was originally just going to be family/only mentioned after the wedding but invited her as it felt wrong not to given how close you are.
that your friendship is way more important to you than her attendance at your wedding (based on what you have said here).
ask to stop talking about your wedding from now on - either with her or with other friends. That you want to avoid the drama and this will be the easiest way to avoid it and staying focused on you and your future husband. And mean it.

I do think she is a being a like precious but big weddings are stressful and meeting her with grace about this is likely to be better for the long term. With hindsight, inviting her maybe was a mistake but equally she could have been really offended by not getting an invite, so don’t beat yourself up over this.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 30/07/2025 02:34

15 people is not an ' elopement. '

Katflapkit · 30/07/2025 02:28

Did you know the date of her wedding before you planned yours?

You sat you are Godmother to one of her sons, so I am assuming she and her fiance have been together for a while

Isitreallysohard · 30/07/2025 01:33

fizzlecherry · 29/07/2025 23:52

I don’t think you have done anything wrong, however I do have a better understanding of this as I get older so can at least imagine why she might be upset…Previously I would have thought this was total bridezilla.
However, in reality her wedding month is a big month for her. If yours is before hers she might feel that she will just have so much on and wanted to be able to focus on her own big day rather than yours. If yours is after she might feel that she will have to almost burst her own wedding bubble a bit sooner that she would like, to sort of pass the wedding baton over to you. If you were having a big white wedding with a lot of same friends and her as bridesmaid etc then definitely all those things. Less

so since you’re just doing something small.
Has she explained why specifically she is bothered? I would just try to say sorry and smooth it over, noway do you both want to taint your wedding days and fall out over this

I agree with this completely

Isitreallysohard · 30/07/2025 01:24

Lancrelady80 · 30/07/2025 00:47

I must be strange - I would actually be so excited if my bestie and I were getting married in the same month!

It does rather sound as if the mutual friends have been all..."ooh, how do you feel about that? Do you think it'll take any shine away from yours, having both in the same month?" Whether from actual concern or stirring, you're better positioned to know than us.

See I don't think this at all. I'd be so excited about my friend getting married, but I'd be all stressed out about my wedding so wouldn't feel relaxed or excited about it. I feel MN always jumps to the conclusion someone is jealous.

Isitreallysohard · 30/07/2025 01:21

RosesAndHellebores · 30/07/2025 01:14

I'm 64. Planned my own wedding 34 years ago and helped with ds and dil's a couple if years ago. Chuck in several huge work events.

@MumLife90 your bestie is being selfish at best and verging on stark raving bonkers imo. Tell her if she has a problem she really isn't obliged to be a guest. Your day is about you, not her.

Show quote history

With respect, weddings arr quite different to what they were 34 years ago. It also depends on what your family is like and if they create stress and how high or low your stress tolerance is. Anyway, OP asked, I gave my opinion of what her friend might be thinking or feeling 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have never seen a Bride who has been chilled out and relaxed leading up to her wedding! 😅

Original poster

MumLife90 · 30/07/2025 01:21

Thanks for everyone’s opinions. Any advice on how we move on from here? I don’t wanna lose my best friend but I’m struggling to navigate this with all the emotions.

OP posts:

Original poster

MumLife90 · 30/07/2025 01:20

Snackattacked · 30/07/2025 01:15

Maybe she will be broke by the time she has her wedding and short of cash (and maybe annual leave) to travel to yours in the same month with her DH & DCs? How much will it cost them? She could always say she cant make it?

We will be paying for everything as there will be 15 people in total (well 17 including us). She’d also just say it to me. We’ve been best friends for all our lives. This is purely about it being in the same month

OP posts:

Snackattacked · 30/07/2025 01:15

Maybe she will be broke by the time she has her wedding and short of cash (and maybe annual leave) to travel to yours in the same month with her DH & DCs? How much will it cost them? She could always say she cant make it?

RosesAndHellebores · 30/07/2025 01:14

Isitreallysohard · 30/07/2025 01:05

I take it you've never planned a massive event. It's hugely stressful and all you want to do afterwards is relax for a few weeks. She's also probably going on honeymoon as most people usually do after getting married.

Show quote history

I'm 64. Planned my own wedding 34 years ago and helped with ds and dil's a couple if years ago. Chuck in several huge work events.

@MumLife90 your bestie is being selfish at best and verging on stark raving bonkers imo. Tell her if she has a problem she really isn't obliged to be a guest. Your day is about you, not her.

Isitreallysohard · 30/07/2025 01:05

SheSpeaks · 30/07/2025 00:37

Isn’t a wedding a chance to relax and chill out? Days (a whole month maybe according to the thread) of getting to see your family and friends, having your hair done and nice clothes, having people cook food for you, take photos, spend time in nice venues and then going on a further holiday, all with an air of specialness and celebration. I’m assuming people manage to take some time off work for weddings, so wouldn’t the whole thing be an extra long and special holiday.

She is being strange OP. You don’t have to ask anyone about getting married other than the person you are getting marrried to. Getting married is not a race, not a competition, nearly half a million people do it each year and for about a decade starting in your 20s there is a wedding every ten minutes. You don’t get to own a day week month or year.

Show quote history

I take it you've never planned a massive event. It's hugely stressful and all you want to do afterwards is relax for a few weeks. She's also probably going on honeymoon as most people usually do after getting married.

Original poster

MumLife90 · 30/07/2025 00:51

Lancrelady80 · 30/07/2025 00:47

I must be strange - I would actually be so excited if my bestie and I were getting married in the same month!

It does rather sound as if the mutual friends have been all..."ooh, how do you feel about that? Do you think it'll take any shine away from yours, having both in the same month?" Whether from actual concern or stirring, you're better positioned to know than us.

Someone else said that they’ve be excited too.

i mean who knows. I got a very cold response from those girls after I told them about the wedding so they don’t agree what what I’ve done clearly.

im not fussed about them anymore. Their response was horrible and I would never have responded in that way but im over it. All I care about it my best friend and not having this affect our friendship long term.

OP posts:

indoorplantqueen · 30/07/2025 00:49

who organised the wedding first ?

Original poster

MumLife90 · 30/07/2025 00:48

Enough4me · 30/07/2025 00:41

Is she an overthinker who suffers with anxiety?
Perhaps mutual friends have stirred her up and created this angst.

Not really. Who knows. I don’t want her to be upset though but I’m also struggling to understand her POV

OP posts:

Lancrelady80 · 30/07/2025 00:47

I must be strange - I would actually be so excited if my bestie and I were getting married in the same month!

It does rather sound as if the mutual friends have been all..."ooh, how do you feel about that? Do you think it'll take any shine away from yours, having both in the same month?" Whether from actual concern or stirring, you're better positioned to know than us.

Enough4me · 30/07/2025 00:41

Is she an overthinker who suffers with anxiety?
Perhaps mutual friends have stirred her up and created this angst.

SheSpeaks · 30/07/2025 00:37

Isitreallysohard · 29/07/2025 23:44

I think this would be annoying. She will want to relax and chill out after her wedding, not have to prepare for another one. I think it was an oversight on your part but it's too late now anyway, so all you can do is apologise. Also I thought eloping meant you did it in secret (misses the point of the thread!)

Edited

Isn’t a wedding a chance to relax and chill out? Days (a whole month maybe according to the thread) of getting to see your family and friends, having your hair done and nice clothes, having people cook food for you, take photos, spend time in nice venues and then going on a further holiday, all with an air of specialness and celebration. I’m assuming people manage to take some time off work for weddings, so wouldn’t the whole thing be an extra long and special holiday.

She is being strange OP. You don’t have to ask anyone about getting married other than the person you are getting marrried to. Getting married is not a race, not a competition, nearly half a million people do it each year and for about a decade starting in your 20s there is a wedding every ten minutes. You don’t get to own a day week month or year.

converseandjeans · 30/07/2025 00:12

She will be flat out with her own wedding, going on honeymoon & probably finds it a bit soon to come to your wedding. Other than that they sound like entirely different events.

Shoemadlady · 30/07/2025 00:12

If she’s so upset I’d tell her she doesn’t have to attend. It’s a wedding DAY not a wedding month, she needs to get a grip

ohnotthisagain2025 · 30/07/2025 00:07

MumLife90 · 29/07/2025 23:37

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

She sounds awful. And she's not your best friend, time to branch out and find new friends.

CarpetKnees · 30/07/2025 00:05

An elopement with your family in tow ,and your friend, her fiancé and their two children is not an elopement! It’s a small wedding bigged up to sound more exciting. And now you have told everyone it is even less of an elopement.

This.
An elopement is the bride and groom going off in secret.

Pomegranatecarnage · 30/07/2025 00:05

I thought eloping meant running away to get married in secret without parental consent?

Original poster

MumLife90 · 30/07/2025 00:01

fizzlecherry · 29/07/2025 23:52

I don’t think you have done anything wrong, however I do have a better understanding of this as I get older so can at least imagine why she might be upset…Previously I would have thought this was total bridezilla.
However, in reality her wedding month is a big month for her. If yours is before hers she might feel that she will just have so much on and wanted to be able to focus on her own big day rather than yours. If yours is after she might feel that she will have to almost burst her own wedding bubble a bit sooner that she would like, to sort of pass the wedding baton over to you. If you were having a big white wedding with a lot of same friends and her as bridesmaid etc then definitely all those things. Less

so since you’re just doing something small.
Has she explained why specifically she is bothered? I would just try to say sorry and smooth it over, noway do you both want to taint your wedding days and fall out over this

Thanks for your input. No she’s just said that it’s because it’s in the same month and I didn’t ask her if it was ok.
Ours is after so I guess it could be as you say.
I think I’m struggling to understand because at one point it was just immediate family so this would never have been as issue as no one would have known, but as time went on it felt wrong her not being there so I spoke with my partner about her coming. Maybe I should have just left it that way and she wouldn’t feel upset and I wouldn’t feel the way I do.

OP posts:

viques · 30/07/2025 00:00

An elopement with your family in tow ,and your friend, her fiancé and their two children is not an elopement! It’s a small wedding bigged up to sound more exciting. And now you have told everyone it is even less of an elopement.

I think your friend is peeved because she sees your small wedding being promoted as an elopement as an attempt to upstage her wedding by making yours sound a bit edgy and cool. And to be honest, if she does think that then I think she has a point.