For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

Sounds like your best friend has stitched you up.

She made you tell everyone about your quiet elopement 😳

I would tell her that the elopement is cancelled and then quietly have the elopement with just your family.

If you’re a BM, make sure you don’t pay for anything for her wedding, not your dress or shoes.

It is a bit of a strange choice to arrange your own wedding so close, especially if you're expecting people to have yo travel abroad. She'll have had holidays for her wedding and then very quickly need time off for yours, which could be tricky. I think I'd have left it longer in between.

Granted I have never planned a wedding or been to that many but how much relaxation is required afterwards. Most people don’t even go on Honeymoon immediately after these days?

I think she’s being a bit controlling thinking she has a say in when you get married. It’s not like you booked the same weekend, and she doesn’t own the month (or year tbh - I can imagine she’d have been this way about any date she deemed too close).

That said, you have a decision to make. If she’s a friend you value and want to keep, then grab a bunch of flowers & go round to apologise & explain that you are sorry for not considering how important this would be to her. Stand firm that you’re not changing the date, but also reassure her you won’t be upstaging her day with conversations about your own.

If this is the latest in a long line of dramas and you’re done, leave her be.

I’m not suggesting apologising because I think you’re wrong, but we have to accept that intention doesn’t equal impact. Whilst you didn’t intend harm, apparently (although I think unreasonably so) it’s been caused. An olive branch will go a long way.

With even more respect, my ds got married a couple of years ago. His wedding was not dissimilar to ours except it was Town rather than Country. I wasn't stressed 34 years ago and neither was DIL. Around 100 guests.

My wedding was tremendously relaxed and there was no drama whatsoever. DS and SILs was the same.

Church wedding, music, flowers, frock, reception, menu, champagne, bridesmaid(s), table plan, loved ones and good friends, honeymoon

The DC's friends are getting married now. We have been invited to a couple of the weddings where their friends have spent lots of time with us since they were 5 and the DC have been BM and MoH. Very similar formula and lovely days with no drama.

Obviously, I know nothing of your life but it's a little rich to be quite so patronising but if course, I imagine you know everything at your age.

I wouldn't have liked this, if I were your friend, purely because of you getting married abroad.

If you're getting married before her, no I wouldn't have liked having to go away whilst in the lead up to mine, because of the time out when I had things to do.

If you're getting married after, what does that mean in terms of her honeymoon. Would I want to return from mine, then have to immediately get everything sorted so I could fly again for yours? No, I wouldn't.

You say you're paying, but it's still annual leave, and a lot for her to sort.

Here is a glimpse into the head of your friend:

"Me me me me me me me, meeeeee, me me , me. Meeeeee, me me me & me , me again , meeeeee me me me

(breathes)

"Me!!!!! Me, me , meeeeee, meeeeee, me, me and me.

Me me me me , me ...."

What is it with people thinking the world revolves around them and they call the shots in others people's lives and/or finances for a whole month, season (or year in some cases!) simply because they're getting married. The world around her will revolve around her...for a day. Her wedding day. and possibly the night before and morning after. But beyond that, It's self centered and frankly really UGLY.

I started thinking she was being bridezilla but actually i's a bit weird on your part tbh. Could you not have spaced if out a bit more? Maybe she wanted to chill out after her wedding and bask in the newly wed glow. Is the attention usually on you? She may feel like you're turning it immediately back on to yourself.

Also stop calling it an elopement, that's just a bit irritating.when it's not. Are you doing any other odd things that will upset others or her? She might be frustrated about something like that?

Is it about annual leave from work? Childcare?

I don't know. My brother had been planning his wedding for 8 months. A month before the day my other brother and his wife announced they were getting married 2 weeks before my other brother. Couldn't see any reason why they'd do that except to upset my brother and his wife to be. They said it was because they wanted to be married before their baby was born (5 months later) and there were no other dates but I'm not sure.
It was a small wedding with just immediate family whereas older brothers was a huge wedding. I still think it was a crappy thing to do.
Slightly different if it's a friend but I think I would have asked remembering the upset in my family.

You can’t really. She’s said her piece, you’ve said yours. Weddings can’t be moved, so you have to wait either for her to get over it or not.

As the saying goes, you get a day, not a month – but I can’t see why this would rub the wrong way in real life.

FWIW, you’re not eloping, you’re having a small wedding.

That’s not an "elopement", it’s just a very small wedding. Maybe she’s annoyed that you’re trying to make your wedding sound more exciting than hers.

She has her day and you have your's.

We had a similar situation when we got married; a close friend of dh was getting married so I remember saying at the time that whatever date we booked that summer, it must be after his and his wife’s because otherwise we’d be stealing their thunder as it were by marrying first ( we have a big circle of mutuals). Then a close friend of mine announced her wedding that summer but she, like us, ensured her wedding was after ours. Alll three weddings were about three or four weeks apart to give us all time to have honeymoons in between.

I have voted YANBU op because it sounds as though you’ve been considerate of her ‘limelight’ and really she should be happy for you.

Is your wedding before hers?

She is being ridiculous. Why do some women turn into complete bridezilla’s? You can get married when you want. I’d be distancing myself for a while. None of my lifelong friends would behave like that, and if they did, i’d tell them I was offended that they thought I had to ask their permission for my wedding date.

It does sound like the friends have been stirring, but I also think it's a bit naive to think having your wedding so close to hers would have no effect on her wedding and how she feels about things. You're close and both have this big meaningful event coming up. While it would be obvious that there is overlap (incl. competition for time and focus) if yours was going to be a big white wedding too, I don't think it's all about the "party" side of it. Especially if she is caught up in the big white wedding perspective, she may well see your wedding as a big deal emotionally even if you are trying to downplay the big "do" side of it by eloping. You doing yours so close to hers could well make her feel you don't both get to celebrate and support each other as much. And now you've told friends about it, it will take a bit of focus away from her.

If you're worried about your friendship, maybe take her out for a coffee or drink, and tell her how excited you are about her wedding and you're sorry if she feels it takes the shine off hers, it wasn't your intention and you didn't even consider that because you aren't having the same sort of day at all and you're just as excited and committed to celebrating her wedding as you ever were before you decided to elope. And that you're looking forward to being friends with her for years to come so you really don't want this to take the shine off that.

How long has she been planning her wedding? Did you know her date when you picked yours?

I think it's quite odd that of all the months of all the years you've know each other the best time for you to get married was the same month she has her wedding.

How much 'preparing' is involved in attending such a small wedding, please tell me? I wouldn't have cared less if my best friend got married the day after me, but then I'm an easy going soul, not a drama llama!

You've done nothing wrong OP, your 'friend' is being ridiculous. I can't say I would be wanting to hang onto a friendship like this, she sounds extremely hard work.

I can’t imagine giving a solitary fuck about something like this. She doesn’t own the month! What a dick. How much relaxing did people need after their own wedding? We got married on the Saturday, husband back at work on the Monday, me back to the usual day to day with the kids! This is ludicrous OP.

Christ a wedding is one day. She will realise after the event. Imagine if yous both got pregnant the same month. I would just say to her if she feels it’s too soon she doesn’t have to come.

i would be annoyed at this as well. Why did you choose a day so close to her day? I expect she would like time to be excited for your wedding in the lead up but instead she’ll be focused on her wedding. Instead of relaxing after she’ll need to start preparing for another.
I think it’s quite selfish of you tbh.

Drop her because she is no genuine friend of yours. Length of friendship doesn't equate to quality of friendship and this is not a good quality friendship.

It's a bit of an areshole move on your part tbh. The last thing she's going to want to do is prepare to go away for a wedding just after her own. You shouldn't have told her.