Entitled dickhead in beauty spot

I don’t really see a problem maybe he had a creepy vibe but lovely view seems fairly generic and pleasant. If reply with something equally generic about the weather and ask if wanted to sit. Then skedaddled or stayed and said hello to the dog.

Trader Ben seems an odd username for a woman, but that is by the by.

'apparently looked at in a Co Op queue it’s now all about you being “perved at”

I wasn't 'apparently' looked at. More trivialising from YOU. I was accosted and leered at for a prolonged period of time to the point that a member of staff felt they may need to intervene. I can assure you if I were going lie about something it would be more interesting than an encounter in my local CoOp!

I find it curious how quick you are to come to the defence of the bench man, yet you are even quicker to dismiss my experiences as practical bullshit. If you really are a woman (still doubt it) it's very toxic behaviour.

'and an innocent man can’t wait for his turn on a beauty spot bench.'
At what point have I said this?

Who has attempted to dictate what facilities men use?

Do you want to quote any other random crap that nobody has actually said...

Do people slagging off the OP and women who are alert to the dangers from men not engage with current affairs at all? Given the stats on assault by a stranger (overwhelmingly men), physical power imbalances and the high stakes involved in this potentially taking place in an isolated area, I’d question why a woman wouldn’t be alert to a potential threat by a man going out of his way to stop and stare at a lone woman. even if this was for ostensibly benign reasons to share pleasantries or to get her to share/ move from the bench, surely both women and men will have some understanding and empathy for the OP? I cant understand the defensiveness and hostility to her post

Shuggles, on another thread about a man approaching a woman in isolated woodland, you objected to the OP saying the man was obese. I think most women would see the point of her comment, as she ran for her life, guessing that his weight would slow him down.

Fair enough, you’re a man with a male point of view.

But is it really so difficult to imagine a woman’s point of view? Men attack women in isolated places, and they may start by making conversation. Is it really surprising women don’t want to look vulnerable?

This reminds me of my brother a bit. He's autistic (well, he still uses the term Asperger's as that's what it was at the time) and struggles with the correct amount of personal space, making conversation and volume! He really is a very lovely generous person and loves to chat -
I'd imagine he'd be thinking: "I want to sit down but don't know how to ask, I will wait my turn, and talk to make her feel better"

In the absence of any evidence of him actually doing anything other than attempting a conversation and looking at you, I don't think he did anything wrong.

I voted YABU, but because YABU for moving - I walk my dogs on my own in quiet, isolated spots and it wouldn't occur to me to move unless the guy was being outright aggressive in which case I'd definitely move on sharpish, because it's not worth the risk. Someone being a bit of an arse and hoping you'd move? No chance.

I am not a man.🤔So because you were apparently looked at in a Co Op queue it’s now all about you being “perved at” and an innocent man can’t wait for his turn on a beauty spot bench. Women can feel what they like, what they can’t do is dictate who uses facilities in a beauty spot and make ridiculous accusations based on nothing.

I understood feeling unnerved... however he didn't do anything to you did he?

As annoying as it is, as I too like to be alone, he had every right to be there as you were.

He probably sat down because you'd left it?

Maybe he was an awkward shite and didn't want to ask?

However, he didn't do anything so you can't be mad he sat down when you left?

I know as being a woman on your own in a secluded spot can be wary with a stranger there. But he was only doing what you were doing alone and enjoying the view. Maybe his clumsy way of talking about the view was his awkward attempt at making conversation?

Yes there are so many creeps, no I'm not an apologist for men, in fact can't often stand the fuckers but am not gonna label him a creep for sitting down when you left.

Which part of what @TheGander said is dangerous rot? I'd argue it's dangerous rot to shame a woman for pointing out what the statistics prove to be true.

I have yet to speak to anyone, man or woman, who was assaulted by a woman It’s women who administer these services is a curious turn of phrase, I’d never describe what I have received from men as “ services”. Do men go out at night or in lonely places in fear of a woman exposing her genitals/ following them/ grabbing them? I’m guessing not so much.

This is dangerous rot.

I have, and plenty other men and women I know have been sexually assaulted by women.

It doesn’t get reported because women refuse to take it seriously, and it’s frequently women who administer these services.

This thread is disturbing in how many people seem willing to overlook or pooh-pooh sexual assault when it’s their team in the spotlight. But absolutely keen to vilify the other team for anything, even just standing still near a woman.

sexism is ugly and this thread is an embarrassment to all women and Mumsnet.

It seems men should all wear a bell to warn the sexist of their approach.

Maybe ensure they sew a badge onto their jackets too to identify them.

but he wasn't looming over her - 'A man turned up with his dog and just stood there'

There is a saying 'it's better to be judged by twelve than to be carried by six."

I'm inclined to agree.

You would not like it if someone loomed over you and stared at you so why pretend.

For me it’s because I have been sexually assaulted on several occasions and my guard is up. There is a power imbalance between men and women and sexual aggression pretty much only goes in 1 direction. Doesn’t mean all men do it but any situation where that is a possibility will raise my levels of vigilance.

I also wonder why women jump to the conclusion that all men want to attack them in some way or make them feel uncomfortable.

Obviously listen to your gut but there's an awful lot of demonising all men because of the behaviour of a few

The man in OP's scenario didn't appear to have done anything wrong

Jesus wept @lunaswandare women now not only supposed to ignore their instincts and wider statistics and evidence about risk, but also do some kind of mental gymnastics creating imaginary scenarios that not only give men the benefit of the doubt, but make sure women twist their feelings of threat and alarm into a female-appropriate caring and empathetic stance towards strange men who are staring at them? Nah, if I’m ever in that situation I’ll be getting the fuck out of there while making a heavily negative judgement towards the creepy bloke, as OP did

I haven't likened the two, YOU did that! Don't twist it.

Which part of my comments are you missing? I specifically said the man doesn't appear to have done anything wrong in this scenario but many men should be more aware of approaching women alone in secluded areas. What are you struggling with here.

Will you address your disgusting attitude towards what women are allowed to feel uncomfortable about? We have to accept being perved at and shouldn't tell other people about it, because that isn't rape so who cares?

Why you think you can have an opinion on how women should feel in these situations when you are a man is even more revolting. Spoken like a pervert apologist.

@Dappy777 i think this is true & it’s very sad.

@FalkorFluff this is exactly it - men demanding our attention and energy, unconsciously, (or disgustingly aggressively) like your horrible queue encounter and assuming we want to give it.

They wouldn’t do it to men, no, they know we feel vulnerable.

empathy not your strong point then?

how do you know this isn't where him & his late wife used to site when they used to enjoy a walk together?

where does she say there were other benches?

Almost every beauty spot is being ruined. The UK is so noisy and crowded that it's virtually impossible to be alone with nature. I remember standing in a meadow last Spring, but instead of bird song all I could hear was the screeching and exploding of modified car exhausts (apparently they're illegal, but the police do nothing). My local woods have been hacked down to make way for two new estates, and kids from those estates have now turned the woods into a virtual no-go zone. They've even vandalised some of the trees ffs (burning them with lighters, scrawling graffiti on them etc).

There is a village five miles from here that is absolutely lovely. I used to drive there on the first nice Spring day, or the first beautiful Autumnal day. It was something I looked forward to every year. But developers have now got their greedy claws on it and are in the process of ruining it. A massive new estate, including blocks of flats, is now being built there. They are also widening the road to accomodate the increase in traffic. Everywhere near me is being ruined. All the villages are having new estates added to them (not just a few houses, let me stress, but giant new estates with endless rabbit hutches jammed on top of one another). Anyone out there who thinks they're going to retire to some pretty little village is living in la la land. By the time we retire there won't BE any villages.

There are just too many human being on this planet, full stop. In 1960 there were three billion of us. Today there are eight billion, and we're heading for ten billion (right in the middle of a climate crisis). I have a recurrent fantasy of the world's population plummeting and all the disgusting housing estates near me being knocked down and turned into beautiful parks.

@grizzlyoldbear I don't think I'd do this again actually in hindsight, it left me with a really weird feeling. Well maybe i would if i had a large dog.
Outside of the policy and military, dogs are not tools for self-defence or for intimidation of other people.

True, but I have a large dog as a pet, we do dog sports. He’s as soft as shit, loves everyone and he’s my best mate. But he looks the part and I wouldn’t go half of the places I do alone without him.

Except the view that he was looking at was of OP, staring at her whilst looming over her.

You wouldn't like that so don't pretend you would.