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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding situation

135 replies

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:08

Possibly outing but AIBU?

I’m going to a wedding soon and I’m part of the bridal party. The idea was for me to stay in the same hotel as the bride and groom as we’re not local. The hotel room was to be paid for by me - but it is expensive. We’ve booked to stay at another, cheaper hotel instead, with the plan being I would get to them first thing on the day.

I let them know this and it has really upset them. I have been told to cancel my booking and pay for the room at their hotel otherwise they will lose the deposit and also because they intended on using my room as a place for storage and other guests/children to be in. They have offered to pay the difference so they can still use it.

I had no idea of their intentions for the room. It had been ‘book the room, it’ll be nice for you and DH’. No mention of it needing to be used for anything else. I can afford the room at a push but that will need to go on a credit card and I don’t really want to do that.

AIBU? I just feel a bit, I don’t know, used? Give my head a wobble people, please.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 20:02

As I understand it, everything you would expect of a typical wedding day, but without the legalities as that is already done.

OP posts:
330ml · 29/07/2025 20:02

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:57

All told, if I booked the room, and with all the other costs like hen do and transport hen my outlay on their wedding will be around £1000.

I should also mention that they are actually married already as they had a legal ceremony some months back.

That’s an expensive party. For you!

KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 20:02

It sounds a bit over the top. Stick to your guns with the room.

KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 20:01

So, what's actually happening on the day? Just a party?.

Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:57

All told, if I booked the room, and with all the other costs like hen do and transport hen my outlay on their wedding will be around £1000.

I should also mention that they are actually married already as they had a legal ceremony some months back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Coconutter24 · 29/07/2025 19:47

Just to be clear did you or did you not commit to booking a room at their hotel?
I can’t tell in that reply if you agreed to book a room at their hotel or if it was just mentioned as a nice idea and then nothing came of it

Show quote history

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 29/07/2025 19:47

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:45

I did say I would book it, but was also given other another option a while back which wasn’t very popular with any guests so that was forgotten about. I’ve had some unexpected costs recently that have just put paid to the idea of being able to spend £££ on the room. I wasn’t told about a deposit on the room, and I wasn’t told about the use of the room, only that it would be a nice thing for me and DH, so I was surprised by the upset when I told them I had to make an alternative booking in order to afford to come. I’ve had to pay for transport too, take annual leave off work and arrange childcare for my kids in order to afford it (as I now don’t have to buy them formal wear). For context, the hotel room is about the same amount of money I would usually spend on food over a weeks holiday with my family.

Show quote history

Just to be clear did you or did you not commit to booking a room at their hotel?
I can’t tell in that reply if you agreed to book a room at their hotel or if it was just mentioned as a nice idea and then nothing came of it

Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:47

They have told me I have to pay the deposit, but if I do that then I just can’t come at all as that will be the cost of my other hotel booking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:45

PeachCritic · 29/07/2025 19:40

Did you initially say you would take a room at the wedding hotel I.e. have they given you part of their allocation and will now be stuck covering the cost? That’s the only reason they could have a right to be annoyed by, using your bedroom without your permission is rude at best.

I did say I would book it, but was also given other another option a while back which wasn’t very popular with any guests so that was forgotten about. I’ve had some unexpected costs recently that have just put paid to the idea of being able to spend £££ on the room. I wasn’t told about a deposit on the room, and I wasn’t told about the use of the room, only that it would be a nice thing for me and DH, so I was surprised by the upset when I told them I had to make an alternative booking in order to afford to come. I’ve had to pay for transport too, take annual leave off work and arrange childcare for my kids in order to afford it (as I now don’t have to buy them formal wear). For context, the hotel room is about the same amount of money I would usually spend on food over a weeks holiday with my family.

OP posts:
PeachCritic · 29/07/2025 19:40

Did you initially say you would take a room at the wedding hotel I.e. have they given you part of their allocation and will now be stuck covering the cost? That’s the only reason they could have a right to be annoyed by, using your bedroom without your permission is rude at best.

Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:40

FamingolosForDays · 29/07/2025 19:33

Sorry- they want to use a room that YOU are sleeping in for other guests/children to be in? When do they plan on allowing you to go to bed?
More neck than a brass band!!!

I believe it’s just for the morning before going to the ceremony, but when I got married I booked a room with my bridal party getting ready in it in mind. I never even saw inside the rooms I’d booked for my bridesmaids, they just came to my room to get ready.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 29/07/2025 19:36

KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 19:19

Because they're relying on her to pay for it.
They're cheap.

Show quote history

Exactly my point

Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:35

pinkyredrose · 29/07/2025 19:33

Cheeky buggers. Why can't they use their room for storage/guests?

I think it’s because kids and whatever they need storing will get in the way of their photos or something. Genuinely I am baffled by this whole thing. When I got married the hotel was paid for and I would never have expected someone to pay £££ for their own room and then have other people use the room up until we leave for the ceremony.

OP posts:
LittleBitofBread · 29/07/2025 19:34

yeesh · 29/07/2025 19:15

They are being really cheeky expecting you to book a room for them to use for storage & other guests. Rude as fuck in fact.

Yes, this. They could at least have been open about it from the start and explained that it was to be a storage/shared room.
That doesn't change the fact though that you shouldn't have to do this, much less pay to do this.

FamingolosForDays · 29/07/2025 19:33

Sorry- they want to use a room that YOU are sleeping in for other guests/children to be in? When do they plan on allowing you to go to bed?
More neck than a brass band!!!

pinkyredrose · 29/07/2025 19:33

Cheeky buggers. Why can't they use their room for storage/guests?

ThejoyofNC · 29/07/2025 19:31

They're unbelievably cheeky. I wouldn't want my (expensive) hotel room being used for storage and as a crèche.

Tell them no thanks.

ScaredAndPanicky · 29/07/2025 19:29

If they want other people to store stuff in your room and for them to make use of it in the day, I'd want them to pay for the whole room not just the difference!

suburberphobe · 29/07/2025 19:28

^^

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 29/07/2025 19:23

They're being well out if order, expecting you to stay in their hotel, effectively subsidising their stay, and then planning to use your room throughout the day.
I can just imagine you going up at the end of hhe night to find your room trashed by small kids who've spilt drinks & food, messed up the bed & bathroom, been through all your belongings and, if you're very unlucky, thrown up and then you'll be charged an extra housekeeping fee when you leave the next day.

I'd say sorry it's all booked & non refundable, we're fine with being at a different hotel.

CheeseWisely · 29/07/2025 19:23

Cheeky fuckers! If they want a room for storage (of what?!) and for Auntie Jean to have a quiet sit down in and cousin Laura’s kid to have a nap in then they need to pay for one.

NescafeAndIce · 29/07/2025 19:22

If they've offered to pay the difference I would do it to keep the peace but wouldn't want anyone else using it!

IamnotSethRogan · 29/07/2025 19:22

It's tricky because you're not unreasonable but if they've got the brass neck to do ask this then they're likely the sort of people who will take offence when you don't.

Justmuddlingalong · 29/07/2025 19:21

They've obviously got a reduced rate for taking rooms. Your not complying means they don't meet the number of rooms to comply.
Stick to your guns, it's your money you're spending. If they need another room, let them pay for it.

KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 19:20

NescafeAndIce · 29/07/2025 19:19

What deposit are they losing? Did they have an obligation to book a certain number of rooms at the hotel?

Sounds like it

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