Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding situation

135 replies

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:08

Possibly outing but AIBU?

I’m going to a wedding soon and I’m part of the bridal party. The idea was for me to stay in the same hotel as the bride and groom as we’re not local. The hotel room was to be paid for by me - but it is expensive. We’ve booked to stay at another, cheaper hotel instead, with the plan being I would get to them first thing on the day.

I let them know this and it has really upset them. I have been told to cancel my booking and pay for the room at their hotel otherwise they will lose the deposit and also because they intended on using my room as a place for storage and other guests/children to be in. They have offered to pay the difference so they can still use it.

I had no idea of their intentions for the room. It had been ‘book the room, it’ll be nice for you and DH’. No mention of it needing to be used for anything else. I can afford the room at a push but that will need to go on a credit card and I don’t really want to do that.

AIBU? I just feel a bit, I don’t know, used? Give my head a wobble people, please.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 29/07/2025 20:45

Discoprincess6 · 29/07/2025 20:33

This!

imagine all the little kids putting fingers in all your make up! Finger prints in your bronzer a your lipgloss all squelched all over the desk. Runny noses all over your pillow.

nope

Show quote history

Can you imagine going through bags and drawers!

sprigatito · 29/07/2025 20:42

They’re arseholes. If they had an additional agenda for you booking a room in that hotel, then they should have told you that from the outset and offered to split the cost. You feel used because that’s exactly what is happening.

Be prepared for the whole wedding to be a teeth-grinding nightmare. They sound like self-obsessed “it’s Our Day” types who will treat their guests like an inconvenience.

Isitreallysohard · 29/07/2025 20:41

I actually think if they were intending to use it for other purposes then they should've paid for it and asked you if you wanted to stay in it as a favour. In saying that you probably should've given them a heads up earlier to say that it was too expensive and you'd be staying elsewhere.

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 29/07/2025 20:40

If they want a room to store things/let people use, then THEY need to book that.
You're not obliged to make up money they have already bookmarked.
Just tell them you couldn't afford the hotel they suggested, the one you've booked can't be cancelled and you aren't going to pay for a room you're not using.
What a pair of cheeky fuckers.

Zempy · 29/07/2025 20:39

So it’s not even a proper wedding? Cheeky bastards.
Stand your ground OP. They can’t make you pay, and this “friendship” is already doomed

Franpie · 29/07/2025 20:38

Just want to add that if you do end up staying at the wedding hotel and they do use your room in the morning, you could ask the bride to speak to the hotel to get your room refreshed during the ceremony.

Frostynoman · 29/07/2025 20:37

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Franpie · 29/07/2025 20:34

When you say you’re going to a wedding “soon”, how soon? If it’s within the next couple of weeks then yes, you can’t just back out now as you had reserved the room. If it’s months away then possibly ok but still poor form.

It is super cheeky they were planning on using the room for a couple of hours without asking you beforehand but that’s a separate issue.

Wasitabadger · 29/07/2025 20:33

No you should not cancel your room. I got married earlier this year and the accommodation at the venue was a set price for the whole accommodation. You could not rent just a room. I had a friend who was in the wedding party and we knew she would not be in a position to cover the cost of the room. Therefore we asked the other guests to pay an extra £20 each to help cover the cost for my friend. I actually also paid for her room the night before also out of my own money as it was important to me for her to be with me the night before.

Discoprincess6 · 29/07/2025 20:33

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 29/07/2025 19:23

They're being well out if order, expecting you to stay in their hotel, effectively subsidising their stay, and then planning to use your room throughout the day.
I can just imagine you going up at the end of hhe night to find your room trashed by small kids who've spilt drinks & food, messed up the bed & bathroom, been through all your belongings and, if you're very unlucky, thrown up and then you'll be charged an extra housekeeping fee when you leave the next day.

I'd say sorry it's all booked & non refundable, we're fine with being at a different hotel.

This!

imagine all the little kids putting fingers in all your make up! Finger prints in your bronzer a your lipgloss all squelched all over the desk. Runny noses all over your pillow.

nope

Coffeeishot · 29/07/2025 20:20

What would the bridal parties other rooms be used for ? She needs to get a hold of herself she is probably in bride mode and panicking but if she wants a store/changing/kids room she can get the collection plate round.

Coffeeishot · 29/07/2025 20:17

yeesh · 29/07/2025 19:15

They are being really cheeky expecting you to book a room for them to use for storage & other guests. Rude as fuck in fact.

This, and why would you want randoms in your room anyway she's taking the piss.

CaptainFuture · 29/07/2025 20:15

mindutopia · 29/07/2025 20:12

Nope, but that room is now free for them to book for storage and use by other guests.

This, the dp who wanted to use it for their kids.. they can chip in.... who's watching these kids?
The members of the bridal party who want to use it to get ready.... chip in... why aren't they using their own rooms?
Are they taking le piss?

maxandru · 29/07/2025 20:15

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

Show quote history

Wait, WHAT?! So essentially they want you to pay for their “staging area”?! CF!

ShesTheAlbatross · 29/07/2025 20:14

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

Show quote history

They should book and pay for a room if they need one for all that.

maxandru · 29/07/2025 20:13

If they choose the hotel you stay at, they also pay for the room. They don’t get to decide where you’re staying AND make you pay for it!

KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 20:13

AlertCat · 29/07/2025 20:11

I don’t understand people who think they have a right to dictate how others spend their money. It’s wild to me that anyone would expect someone to drop a grand on their party, go into debt to book a hotel room, and then make a fuss when told the other person cannot actually afford to meet their expectations!

This ⬆️. It's absolutely ridiculous that people expect guests to use up savings or go into debt for their wedding. If they can't afford the venue, they should choose somewhere cheaper.

mindutopia · 29/07/2025 20:12

Nope, but that room is now free for them to book for storage and use by other guests.

AlertCat · 29/07/2025 20:11

I don’t understand people who think they have a right to dictate how others spend their money. It’s wild to me that anyone would expect someone to drop a grand on their party, go into debt to book a hotel room, and then make a fuss when told the other person cannot actually afford to meet their expectations!

CopperWhite · 29/07/2025 20:09

Fuck that. Tell them you can’t afford to pay the deposit and point out how much you are already spending to be a part of their wedding.

I wouldn’t tell them all the other things they deserve to hear at this stage - people go a bit crazy when wedding planning.

Coconutter24 · 29/07/2025 20:09

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

Show quote history

In that case then I think you are both being unreasonable. If you’ve agreed to pay for a hotel room then backed out you’ve left them with the cost of it now. They are being unreasonable because if you’ve agreed to book a hotel room you’re booking it for you and DH, they just assumed it could be used for everyone which is very cheeky without asking.

CaptainFuture · 29/07/2025 20:07

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

Show quote history

Where's the rest of the bridal party staying, whys this on you @Cheesehound ?

CaptainFuture · 29/07/2025 20:05

yeesh · 29/07/2025 19:15

They are being really cheeky expecting you to book a room for them to use for storage & other guests. Rude as fuck in fact.

This they're using you! Cheeky sods!

ThejoyofNC · 29/07/2025 20:05

Cut your losses and stay home. What a bloody farce.

KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 20:04

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 20:02

As I understand it, everything you would expect of a typical wedding day, but without the legalities as that is already done.

Ok. I am wondering why they're having this "wedding" as well, then?

Swipe left for the next trending thread