Wedding situation

so they lose a deposit on one room. How much was the room if you can share or I’m not being nosy? If so sorry.

I don’t get when people get married why they think their guests have to bend over backwards to please them.

this is honestly one of the most entitled things I’ve heard. I’d go the wedding but I wouldn’t be happy about it.

I would call bs on losing room deposit - call hotel and ask

Sounds very stressful for you

I just can’t get over them assuming they could use the room you had paid for without even telling you.

Revenge would be to book the room and keep your door locked until you leave for the wedding party, and lock it for the duration of that party!

But it sounds like you are much more sensibly not going to attend. You’re completely right to prioritise time with your own family.

It also sounds as though they’ve bought one of those hotel wedding packages where they pay for X number of rooms plus reception as a package. The hotels then suggest that the Bride and groom can sell the rooms on to guests to recoup wedding costs. It’s pretty cheap behaviour whichever way you look at it. Champagne tastes; beer budget.

I mean it is just an invasion of privacy isn't it ?

So they want you to pay for a room so they can use it? No way.

This. What a load of expensive grief for a party.

Op agreed to a booking, we all know how bookings work, they need a deposit. Of course they should of mentioned the deposit but op could quite easily of asked about the cost or a deposit because most people know when booking something we pay a deposit

i hope you pull out. What a shoddy way to treat your guests.

I think there's been poor communication all round. But thinking they can use the room was also dumb of them, which I don't think they've thought through. It woukd be different if it was a family members room and family all using it, bit it's a bit different in your case. I think you probably need to point this out and re DH and say that it's best they use the room as they intended and you keep the one you have. I'd actually pick up the phone rather than text which is always a bad idea

Really cheeky of them. Unexpected costs happen during a wedding, the gracious thing for them to do would be to just pay for the room themselves and then they can use it as they see fit.

They should’ve made clear about both the deposit and their intentions for the room on the day. Politely say your new room is non-refundable, you weren’t aware of the deposit, and you weren’t aware of that arrangement and that wouldn’t work for you anyway.

If she’s at all prickly with you about it, don’t go.

So cheeky. You can literally say "Sorry that doesn't work for us as my partner will be using the room all day. Am I understanding correctly that you wanted me to pay for the room so it could be used by other people?"

You'd not be unreasonable to pull out. The total costs are ridiculous and the cheek of that would make the decision easy for me!

I agree that it sounds like their arrangement with the hotel includes so many rooms being booked.

If that's the case, they should have told you.

It's also incredibly cheeky to decide they can use your room for their family members on the day.

Fuck that!

I hope you stick to your guns, OP.

That is beyond cheeky! How incredibly rude of them! Don't cancel your hotel; if they need the room so badly, then they can take care of it.

Cheeky of them to assume that they can use your room.

This would have caused a massive headache for me though. When we got married part of our contract was that we had to fill a certain amount of the rooms (we had exclusive use of the venue). If we didn’t, we would need to cover the cost of the rooms ourselves.

It may be that other people have been turned away from booking on the assumption that you were taking the room (as you told them you were) and now they will need to cover the cost themselves.

YANBU to be pissed off about the room use thing, but please bear in mind that your close friend probably has a million things going on with planning this wedding (alongside every day shit) so going back on things is bound to cause some stress for her!

When is the wedding?

The cheek of some people never ceases to amaze me… and others seemingly go along with it which enables their crazy behaviour. Don’t be a mug, pull out and spend the money on something for your own family!

They are annoyed because they had plans for your room..having kids in there.storung stuff etc. And they never discussed it before you..?
Do you really want other people in there in your absence..touching your stuff.? And if anyone wants to use it will you have to take them to the room or just give them the key ?

It's not a red herring at all!
Why aren't these people who need the use of a room booking one themselves? Or the B&G arranging a room for this purpose with the venue, themselves?

I have no idea why anyone would just "go along" with any circumstance and situation which is not only unfavourable, but unfair and very expensive.

Oh come on, enough with all the faux surprise that it cost the B and G money to secure a room booking at a hotel.

A decent friend wouldn’t do this to you op. It’s really poor form. I hope you reconsider attending. They are married already! There is no way I would go to a party like this especially given how much you have already spent.

I am sorry they were so astonishingly rude. I don’t even think I would want a friend like this. Are they always like this? What happened at the hen?

But B&G didn’t mention anything about needing to secure it with a deposit, or that they’d paid it.

so still this is all on them and not OPs fault